Entry 589: Van Gogh, Thanksgiving, and Mario

It's Thanksgiving weekend, 2021. For the past four or five years we've spent Thanksgiving at home, usually with friends but sometimes alone. I remember once, circa 2017, it was just the four of us, and I cooked a turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing and all that and nobody ate it but me. S was on some sort of weird diet and the kids were even younger kids, so they just wanted cereal or whatnot, and I was left to eat everything I cooked for the next week.

Last year we ordered out, but all the places serving traditional turkey dinners were sold out weeks in advance, so we got food from this Middle Eastern place, which was good, but it didn't remind me of being young, which is what I want on Thanksgiving. Their turkey kebabs were excellent, however. In fact, they caused a bit of consternation in the G & G family, because there weren't that many of them, and they were the only thing the kids liked, so S gave them most of them, and I only got a tiny portion.

S does that with the kids, and it really annoys me. If we are sharing a meal, and they only like one part of it, then she'll give up most of her portion of that thing and expect me to do the same. But I don't like doing that because, for one, we're the parents and we provided the food in the first place, and we're bigger and eat more (it's like Chris Rock's joke about dad always getting the biggest piece of chicken). For two, our kids our spoiled enough. They don't need to go grow up expecting us to give them the food off our plates when there is a whole table full of other options. That's just S's way though. She has this perpetual paranoia that our kids aren't getting enough to eat -- like we've failed as parents if they are ever hungry for longer than three minutes.

Anyway, this Thanksgiving we had plenty of every dish. S's sister joined us with her friend and her friend's boyfriend, so there were seven of us in total. I ordered from Whole Foods in advance, thinking it was basically from their hot bar, but it was all stuff that needed to be heated up. The turkey was an actual turkey, not servings of turkey like I was expecting. (The order just said "turkey for four.") Thankfully, I wasn't sure if it would be enough for seven people (it would have been, despite what the order said), so I had already cooked a smaller bird, and we didn't even need the Turkey they provided. (It's currently in our freezer, and I have no idea when we will next have occasion to prepare an entire turkey.) All we had to do was reheat the sides, which only took about 15 minutes, as opposed to the hours it would have taken to do the turkey.

It was pretty good -- not as good as homemade, but nothing ever is. I was three whiskey and sodas into the night by that point anyway. I have this bottle of scotch my dad bought me, like, 25 years ago, and I left it at my parents house unopened until they drove it out to me (with a bunch of other stuff) circa 2013. I finally opened it a few Thanksgivings ago, and now I pretty much only drink it once a year. Thanksgiving really is the best holiday for drinking, because you can start earlyish, get a nice buzz going, eat a huge meal, sober up by bedtime, and wake up the next day barely the worse for wear.

It was a good little Thanksgiving overall. It's supposed to be a holiday of gratitude, and I did have a genuine moment of thankfulness. It was after dinner and I just poured my last cocktail for the evening. S and Sw and her friend were playing a game of Rummikub, and the boys had dragged the boyfriend of Sw's friend downstairs to play video games. (Apparently, he's a total gamer, so I don't think he minded.) We just bought this nice Bose speaker, so I put on some jazz, and sat down in the front room of our house, no phone or anything, and sipped my drink. I looked out our big window into our peaceful neighborhood, and, with the music and the cocktail, it felt like I was in the 1950s, living the American Dream. You know, DG, it's not a bad life you've carved out for myself here.

In other news, we went to a Van Gogh exhibit on Wednesday. We met one of Lil' S2's friends and his parents there. It was pretty cool. They had a bunch of replications of his work up with facts and context about them, and then they had this huge room where they projected his art on the walls and floor and then they played sounds and music behind it (see below). It was legitimately trippy. Then they had this coloring exhibit, where you could color Van Gogh's paintings and then project them onto the wall. The kids loved that. They also had a VR exhibit, but I passed on that. It cost extra, and last time I put on a VR headset it made me kinda nauseous. Lil' S2 seemed to be having so much fun with it, however, that I wished I had tried it. Maybe the technology is better now, so it won't make me feel sick.

 

In other, other news, Lil' S1 has been doing so well on his spelling tests (100% on his last one) that S bought him a little Gameboy type of thing. It was super cheap, like $25, but it has over 160 games stored on it, and most of them are old NES games. It has a few of my favorites, so I've been hitting it up -- Dr. Mario, Super Mario Bros., and best of all RBI Baseball. I was all fired up to beat Super Mario Bros. for the kids -- I totally remember how to do it -- but I wasn't able to. Some of the controls aren't perfect, and there doesn't seem to be a way to run at full speed and jump simultaneously. There's one part on level 8-2 that requires this, and I tried it about fifty times (literally) and wasn't able to do it. Sucks.

It also sucks that there is no Super Mario Bros. 2, the best of the Mario games, hands down, in my opinion. There is also, sadly, no Mike Tyson's Punch-out!! I know the kids, especially Lil' S2, would love that game. Maybe they couldn't get the licensing -- or maybe they just didn't want to include a boxing game in which the objective is to fight a series of ethnic stereotypes to earn a championship match against a convicted rapist. That could be it too. Whatever the case it's a shame, as that game will never be too problematic to not be awesome.

Until next time...

Entry 588: Vamos a la Playa

The greatest thing about the internet, hands down, is that it allows you to look up random stuff from your childhood. Often I have these little snippets of memories, barely enough to start a Google search, and through the power of the world wide web, I can expand upon them, learn the full story behind them, and put them into context as an adult.

Here's an example...

I took Spanish in ninth grade and my teacher was this youngish, kinda flighty, quirky woman, and she would frequently make random comments and asides during class.  Once, when we were doing some vocab, the word "playa" came up, and she briefly stopped, sang a little song, "vamos a la playa, oh, oh, oh, oh," and then kept going with the lesson.

For some reason, the other day I remembered that five second tangent from almost 30 years ago, and wondered why she sang it. Was it an actual song? Did she make it up on the spot? So, I Googled it and got quite the rabbit-hole treat. It is indeed a really song. It's from 1983 by an Italian duo named Righeira, and, well, you can watch the video yourself.

It was a pretty big international hit, but didn't chart in the States. It went to #1 in Switzerland. So, apparently the Swiss were big on campy Italian duos who sing repetitively in Spanish.

Also, the song is about nuclear war. Here are the few non-chorus words:

The bomb exploded.
The radiation toasts,
and blends nicely with the blue.

Everybody with a hat.
The radioactive wind
burns off the hair.

Finally the water is clean.
No more stinking fish,
but fluorescent water.

The video and music take on a whole new meaning after reading that. It's got a kinda chilling effect going through it. I don't think I'm going to add it a playlist or anything like that, but I give the members of Righeira (both named Stefano, by the way) major props for it. It's a cool song.

In other news of random things I googled from my past, my friend JW once told me that his brother saw an encyclopedia with the guide words MENAGE -- OTTAWA. (Think French sex terms if you don't get why this is noteworthy.) And we wondered if it was a total accident or the design of a cheeky editor. I don't have an answer to that, but I do have proof that such an encyclopedia really exists.

 Until next time...

Entry 587: Lost Phone

Big life event this past Saturday: I lost my phone. I know where it is, approximately, but I have been unable to locate it exactly, and at this point it is surely ruined beyond repair anyway.

I was running through some trails along Rock Creek, as I frequently do, and I tripped and ate it pretty hard -- hard enough to scrape and bruise my knee and cut my shin, and hard enough to cause my phone to dislodge from my hand, skitter off the trail, over an embankment, into the water. I quickly hopped into the creek and started looking for it, but I didn't see the exact point where it went in, and the water was too murky to scan the creek bed visually. I was left to grope aimlessly in frigid water, which I did for a relatively long time -- 15 minutes or so -- until I got wet and cold enough to convince myself that my phone probably couldn't be salvaged even if I did find it. Then, I had to run the rest of the way home (a few miles) in sopping wet shoes and sleeves.

 

[This is approximately where it all (i.e., I) went down. You can't really tell but it's about an eight foot drop off to the water.]

[You can see the ground conditions aren't ideal for running -- lots of roots, rocks, branches, and other things. With the leaves down, it's actually kinda dangerous because you can't see what's under them. I should probably stick to the street during the fall, but it's so boring on the street.]
 

When I got home, I probably should have taken a hot shower and just relaxed a little bit, but I was so anxious to "solve the problem" of not having a phone that I got on the Verizon website and started trying to figure out if I could get a new phone that day. S and I both have iPhones and I'm not picky about the model or color (although I'd prefer it not be pink, which is seemingly always in stock everywhere you go), so I initiated an online chat with a sales rep, and he talked me through a purchase of an iPhone 13, which was ready for pickup at a location in Burtonsville, MD about a half-hour outside DC.

Perfect... until I get to the location. The people working there have no idea what I'm talking about -- they don't see an order in their system, and they don't keep any phones in stock on location. Of course, I'm super pissed, so I'm arguing with them a little bit, asking why the rep sent me here, and of course they have no answers. The only thing that annoys me is they're acting like the sales rep is an outside consultant whom I trusted at my own peril, instead of a member of their company. Yes, I get how franchises work, but if you're a Verizon store, you got to own your Verizon-ness. That's just how it goes.  

Anyway, I go back home (I'm using directions I printed from Google Maps, by the way) and initiate a new chat, and explain my situation to like five different people (I keep getting transferred), and finally somebody is like -- Listen, you're not getting this phone today; I don't know where it is or what happened; the best move is to just cancel the order and start over. I appreciate the candor, and that's what I try to do, but I can't. They say I'm not an authorized user because S's name is on the account, and I can't verify my number because I don't have my phone. Now, I'm super hot because this wasn't an issue when I was spending money, only when I'm asking for a refund. Also, I'm logged in to our Verizon account, I know the PIN, and I have access to all S's email accounts (she's with the kids at a birthday party). I'm asking them why I can't verify it via PIN or email, and they just tell me they can't do it, but I shouldn't worry because the order should cancel automatically because the phone never got picked up. Yeah, because it doesn't exist, I can't help but add before ending the chat.

When S returns I use her phone to call to cancel the order, and while I'm on hold, I get an email telling me it's canceled. Good. I don't have to wait. One thing goes my way... so I think.

I turns out to be a bit tricky to get a new phone if you don't have your old phone to verify your number. Last time I got new a phone, I went to a certain Verizon store and they had something in stock and I got everything purchased and set up in the store. So, I make an appointment, the first one I could get, Tuesday afternoon. S can't come with me because she's taking the boys to get Covid vaccines (success!). I'm a bit worried but if I wait until S and I have a time slot that works for both of us, I won't have a phone until 2022.

To make a long story short: I get the phone. To make a long story medium: Here are the highlights.

• They have one non-pink iPhone in stock, a blue iPhone 13, which I purchase.
• They tell me S has to send a picture of her ID and fill out a verification form before they will link my number to my new phone.
• I have no way to get a hold of S and don't really want to bother her with this while she's trying to get the kids vaccinated.
• The sales rep suggests we get around it by adding me as an account manager through the Verizon app.
• I try to log-in online and it two-factor authentifications me, either a text code (can't do that obviously) or a security question: "Where was you favorite place to visit as a child?" WTF?!
• I asked S later and she doesn't even know the answer. These are such stupid questions because even if you remember what it is, you still might get it wrong because of capitalization and punctuation -- grandmas house, Grandma's house, Grandmas House, Grandma's House -- which one is it?
• Thankfully I brought my iPad and I'm able to login to the Verizon app without two-factor and I add myself as an account manager.
• But... it turns out that that bullshit order never got canceled in their system (even though I have an email saying it did) and they won't allow me to purchase a new phone until it does.
• I talk to the manager and she tells the rep to call Verizon customer service to see if they can cancel it.
• The rep just dials the normal number like I would and gets put on hold like I would. I don't know if it's heartening or disturbing to know that there's no special connection even for Verizon employees.
• He's transferred like five times and on the phone for literally (and I mean that literally) 45 minutes.
• I'm just sitting there, occasionally getting up to walk around the store, just to stretch and break the monotony.
• The sales rep is really nice, which is the only reason I'm being chill about everything.
• Well, that and it's usually just better to be chill. While I was waiting, a guy came in looking for a sim card, and they didn't have it, and he just bitched out the manager for a solid five minutes. But what was she supposed to do -- solder one for him using pocket change and a car battery?
• I finally got the phone, and within fifteen minutes of being home, I had it restored just like my old phone. Maybe that dollar a month for iCloud storage isn't such a ripoff.
• I'm paranoid about losing my phone again. Phones are too expensive now. It's kinda silly that we walk around with $800 devices in our pockets all the time.
  
• I don't have a good way to carry my phone when I run. Those armbands never work (I'm too buff, I think); it flops around too much in my pocket; and apparently I might drop it in a creek if I carry it. I've contemplated getting a fanny pack, but I'm not there yet.
• My solution for now is to use my son's iPod when I run. It fits perfectly in my pocket, and he spends too much time on it anyway.
  

Until next time...

Entry 586: I Don't Want Candy

I'm trying a new thing this post-Halloween season: a total abstention from candy. I sneaked a few of the kids' pieces while trick-or-treating, but it wasn't even that good, so I made a pact with myself to just not eat it at all. That's the thing about candy -- it's never as satisfying as I want it to be, and paradoxically this makes me desire it more. It's like the drug addict who takes hit after hit trying to reach an unattainable high. At least in the case of candy, the worst thing that will happen to you if take too much is a tummy ache -- well, in one sitting, that is. There are all sorts of deleterious long-term health effects that can arise from ingesting too much candy. That's precisely why I'm not eating it now.

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Tuesday was election night, and it was a pretty lousy one if you live in (or near) Virginia, and you're not a Republican. The Red Team ran roughshod over the Blue Team, winning every major race (governor, lieutenant governor, attorney general, etc.) in a state Biden carried by ten points. There are many reasons why this is the case, but the main one, in my opinion, is burnout, plain and simple. The past year was just so mentally draining for left-leaners, dealing with Covid and Trump, and it was too much to ask to get up for another huge election, especially one in which the Democratic gubernatorial candidate's two biggest issues were Covid and Trump -- just about every commercial he ran was focused on one of these things, and it was exhausting, even for me, somebody who probably has a very high tolerance for politics relative to the general voting population. A lot will be read into what this sweep in a blue-ish state means for the 2022 midterm elections, and there probably are lessons to be learned for the Dems, but I'm not totally sure what those are.

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Lil' S1 takes weekly spelling tests, and, despite being a strong reader, he's always been a terrible speller. He got, like, 20% on his first few tests. S was working with him without much success and getting frustrated. So, a few weeks ago when she went out of town, I decided enough is enough! -- I put him on my patented program, and his last three scores have been 73%, 87%, and 93%. Boom!

He's my master technique: I tell him the words and he has to spell them until he gets them all correct. That's it. S was messing around with flashcards and word searches and that jazz, but it's like nope. Maybe that stuff works for some people, but in my experience the best way to memorize something is to sit there and process it over and over and over, tediously, monotonously, until you get it right.

I think there is value in that too, outside of getting a better score on a spelling test, because that's how you get good at a lot things. You train yourself to have the discipline to do something repeatedly even if it's not super exciting. I stand by it: There is a lot of value in rote memorization.

The only problem is that I put more parenting on my plate because now S wants me to do all the homework with the kids.

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A few weeks ago my kids met some neighborhood kids up the street, and now they play together almost every day. Their names are J and Iz. J is five and Iz is seven. (My boys are now six and nine.) Like clockwork they will come down and bang on our door (and window) at 6:00pm. Can we play? Can we play? Can we play? It's super cute. But I think it's hard on Lil' S1 sometimes. He's older than them, and he also likes to structure play his way, so I think he expects them to go along with what he wants to do, but they don't always want to do that, so they kinda band together to push back, and then he feels ganged up on and gets mad and starts crying and then it turns into a full-on little kid fight.

It actually goes much more smoothly when it's just J, Iz, and Lil' S2. So, whenever I hear the fighting really escalate, I try to extricate Lil' S1 from the situation, and we have a conversation like the following.

Him: [Screaming, crying, calling everybody names]

Me: Hey, come here.

Him: No!

Me: Yes, come here. I want to talk to you. You're not in trouble, but you will be if you don't come here. [He reluctantly comes.] What's going on?

Him: They locked me out of the toy room!

Me: Why'd they do that?

Him: Because I told them we were having a fort building competition but then J kept coming in before it was ready and I said that's illegal in this game and then Iz said it's illegal to talk to the government and I said "That's not illegal. Are you saying you can't say 'hi' to the president?" and then she just kept saying it was illegal and then Lil' S2 traded her my legendary because he said I gave it to him but I traded it back and he said I couldn't do that because Avva and Thatha bought it for me...

Me: Okay, okay, I get it. You're not getting along right now.

Him: Because they're being mean to me. They're making me feel left out.

Me: They're all younger than you. They just want to play differently. Why don't you just stay over here for a little while and read a book or something?

Him: No! I want to play!

Me: Why do you want to play with them if they're being mean and excluding you?

Him: I'm going to go play with them.

Me: [Shakes head] 

The funny thing about Lil' S1 is that he has no bravado. I never would have let on at that age that younger kids were making me feel left out, even if that's how I felt. But that's just his way. He's like that with everything. The other day he didn't want to watch a movie Lil' S2 wanted to watch because he said it looked too scary. I asked him why it's too scary for him, but not for his brother who's three years younger.

"Because I take after Amma, and he takes after you," he replied.

Fair enough, kid, fair enough.

Until next time...