S and I had a strange interaction with some friends of ours this week – or, more accurately, we had a strange lack of an interaction. Some back story: A few summers ago, we went to the Outer Banks in North Carolina with two families. True Crocodile DG aficionados will remember me blogging about the trip and bitching about a speeding ticket I got on the way back (such a racket!). At first I didn’t want to go, but S did, and it caused a fight, but ultimately we went, and I was mostly on the wrong side of the fight in this one – we had a blast. So this year the three families made plans to go again. There were a few rounds of emails about dates and logistics and all that, and it was left at a point where one of our friends, B, was going to find us a house and get back to us. So we waited… and waited… and waited… and then a few weeks ago I asked S about it (she’s better friends with this crowd than I am), and she tells me that she hasn’t heard anything, but she’s assuming the trip is off because B got pregnant. OK. I shrug my shoulders and forget about it.
But then a few days ago, S ran into her friend from the other couple, and she said that they are going. And then she told S about how it caused a big tiff because they were originally supposed to go on one date, but B and her family couldn’t do it that week, so she booked the house for the prior week, but Sa (the woman talking to S) has a conference that week, so she can’t go. Now, B and her family might be stuck with the entire house that week, which means their costs are doubled, and so she is apparently upset with Sa, and the two families are kinda in a fight or something like that. The details are a little hazy, as I got the story second-hand, and Sa is obviously only telling her side of things (if we asked B what happened, she might have a different take). But one thing is for certain: We never got brought in to the loop on any of this. I have no idea why, and S thought it would be too awkward to ask Sa abou it point blank.
At first I didn’t care in the slightest. If we’re not invited somewhere – so what? Our friends could have all sorts of legitimate reasons they wouldn’t want us come. We have all sorts of reasons we don’t invite certain people to certain things. That’s just how things go. It’s not a big deal, and it’s nothing to get mad about. But then as we looked back over the email chain, I started to get genuinely piqued. Because, the thing is, we were invited. B sent an email expressly inviting us and discussing possible dates. S replied to it. There was a back-and-forth. There was no gray area. We said, yes, we would like to come, and then we just never heard anything. We got totally left in the lurch.
Now, given that everything got messed up and the two families are in a tiff, it’s probably for the best we got left out. However, all that happened after we got dissed. There was initially a coordinated plan by the other two families on the date and the rental house and all that, and we weren’t a part of that conversation – no emails, no texts, no nothing. It is very strange. It would be one thing if it was just like a “oh hey, we should go to the beach again sometime” type of thing, and then we never heard back, but that wasn’t it. We were way past the casually-flake-out stage. It’s like, if you don’t want us to come, just tell us that, or if that's too awkward, make something up. I feel exactly like Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm when (he thought) Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen were snubbing him and his wife Cheryl, by inviting them to a concert and then not following through on it.
Now, to be fair, that’s probably not it. Like Larry David, I am probably mistaken. Our friends are actually really kind and giving people, so I’m probably assuming the worst. There probably was an honest mistake, and they got it in their heads that we didn’t want to or couldn’t go or something. But I don’t know how that happened. They should know they invited us to the beach -- it's all recorded in Gmail and everything.
Also, it is doubly bad, because we kinda still want to go, but we don’t want to do it the same week as they will be there, because then things could get really awkward. (If life actually was a Curb episode, we would go and then run into them there.) But we don’t know exactly when they are going, and the two weeks they probably will go just so happen to be the best two weeks for us as well. So I think we will probably just do something else altogether -- take the kids to Sesame Place or something like that. I could do without that long drive, anyway. I mean, the beach is fun and all, but we might go with my family when we are back in the Sea-Tac region in August. Sure, it will probably be 55 degrees and overcast, and we will have to dodge pickup trucks because Washington state allows cars on the beach for some reason, but at least we will be with family, so we don’t have to worry about getting left in the lurch. That’s the beauty of family: They have to tolerate you whether they want to or not.
But then a few days ago, S ran into her friend from the other couple, and she said that they are going. And then she told S about how it caused a big tiff because they were originally supposed to go on one date, but B and her family couldn’t do it that week, so she booked the house for the prior week, but Sa (the woman talking to S) has a conference that week, so she can’t go. Now, B and her family might be stuck with the entire house that week, which means their costs are doubled, and so she is apparently upset with Sa, and the two families are kinda in a fight or something like that. The details are a little hazy, as I got the story second-hand, and Sa is obviously only telling her side of things (if we asked B what happened, she might have a different take). But one thing is for certain: We never got brought in to the loop on any of this. I have no idea why, and S thought it would be too awkward to ask Sa abou it point blank.
At first I didn’t care in the slightest. If we’re not invited somewhere – so what? Our friends could have all sorts of legitimate reasons they wouldn’t want us come. We have all sorts of reasons we don’t invite certain people to certain things. That’s just how things go. It’s not a big deal, and it’s nothing to get mad about. But then as we looked back over the email chain, I started to get genuinely piqued. Because, the thing is, we were invited. B sent an email expressly inviting us and discussing possible dates. S replied to it. There was a back-and-forth. There was no gray area. We said, yes, we would like to come, and then we just never heard anything. We got totally left in the lurch.
Now, given that everything got messed up and the two families are in a tiff, it’s probably for the best we got left out. However, all that happened after we got dissed. There was initially a coordinated plan by the other two families on the date and the rental house and all that, and we weren’t a part of that conversation – no emails, no texts, no nothing. It is very strange. It would be one thing if it was just like a “oh hey, we should go to the beach again sometime” type of thing, and then we never heard back, but that wasn’t it. We were way past the casually-flake-out stage. It’s like, if you don’t want us to come, just tell us that, or if that's too awkward, make something up. I feel exactly like Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm when (he thought) Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen were snubbing him and his wife Cheryl, by inviting them to a concert and then not following through on it.
Larry: What kind of people invite you to go to a concert and then they don't call you? It's 4:30 p.m.Exactly. A lie is a little respect.
Cheryl: Maybe we should call them.
Larry: Do you know how awkward that is? They know they invited us to the concert. They're obviously deliberately not calling. How could I call them up and go, "We're waiting for your call." And then they'll say, "Well, we don't want to go with you." At least lie to us.
Cheryl: Right, something.
Larry: Call us and lie. Don't let us sit here like schmucks.
Cheryl: Yeah.
Larry: A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy. It's a little respect.
Now, to be fair, that’s probably not it. Like Larry David, I am probably mistaken. Our friends are actually really kind and giving people, so I’m probably assuming the worst. There probably was an honest mistake, and they got it in their heads that we didn’t want to or couldn’t go or something. But I don’t know how that happened. They should know they invited us to the beach -- it's all recorded in Gmail and everything.
Also, it is doubly bad, because we kinda still want to go, but we don’t want to do it the same week as they will be there, because then things could get really awkward. (If life actually was a Curb episode, we would go and then run into them there.) But we don’t know exactly when they are going, and the two weeks they probably will go just so happen to be the best two weeks for us as well. So I think we will probably just do something else altogether -- take the kids to Sesame Place or something like that. I could do without that long drive, anyway. I mean, the beach is fun and all, but we might go with my family when we are back in the Sea-Tac region in August. Sure, it will probably be 55 degrees and overcast, and we will have to dodge pickup trucks because Washington state allows cars on the beach for some reason, but at least we will be with family, so we don’t have to worry about getting left in the lurch. That’s the beauty of family: They have to tolerate you whether they want to or not.
OK, that's it. Until next time...
Strange. Since S's friend had no qualms telling her about the trip I would assume they somehow thought you weren't able to go. My unsolicited advice (because everyone loves advice) is to email both friends something like, "seems there was some sort of mix up re: our trip because we were planning on sharing a house with you, maybe a lost email? Anyway, no harm done. Maybe next year. We are still planning on going down the week of ____ so if that's when you will be there let's grab a bite."
ReplyDeleteYeah, I doubt we will go now. I'll leave it up to S how to follow up, she's better friends with them.
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