Entry 616: YouTube Therapy

Terrible news this week from the Supreme Court. We all knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any less awful. I remember when the leak first occurred, a lot of conservative commentators were insistent it was some sort of left-wing ploy, but I was thinking why? So we can be demoralized twice? I don't really see how leaking the result early helped either side in any tangible way. Anyway, I posted about this ruling already on this blog, and my overall feelings haven't changed in any appreciable way, so I'll leave it there.

Another big decision handed down by the court this week has to do with guns, and in its own way, it's worse than the abortion decision. With the overturn of Roe at least abortion access can still be granted at the state level; the gun decision explicitly forbids states from making their own laws to curb firearm proliferation. I'm not optimistic about gun violence getting markedly better anytime soon.

Instead of focusing on firearm restrictions, the best bet for gun control advocates might be to emphasize firearm training -- make owning a gun like flying a plane. The reason I say this is that of the gun people I know, training is the biggest area of agreement between us. Although, I bet they wouldn't even go for meaningful training requirements if gun control advocates started pushing for them, because it would be gun control advocates pushing for them. That's a huge part of the problem. Owning the libs or whatever. We need the gun nuts to think this is their idea, and even then it's iffy. They always cite mental health as the problem (which it is, in part), but never do anything about it. Well, I guess this got passed this week, but from what I understand, it's not very substantial. 

The other big decision this week came not from the Supreme Court, but from FINA, the world swimming body. They've effectively banned transfeminine athletes from competing in women's events. I'm in favor of the decision, but it still depresses me, because it emphasizes how messed up so much of the trans discourse is in our country right now.

Many folks on the right are legitimately and openly anti-trans, and they are passing or trying to pass legislation that's incredibly damaging (Texas bill) and/or humiliating ("bathroom bills") to trans people. On the flip side, there is a contingent on the left -- probably not the majority, but at least a sizeable vocal minority -- who thinks you are an anti-trans bigot, no better than the supporters of the Texas bill, if you're of the opinion that trans-women and cis-women should sometimes be treated differently because they are in fact biologically differently. (Even just talking about the biological difference between sexes will get you dragged in some circles.)

It's just such an unhealthy discourse when somebody as diligent and sensitive as Emily Bazelon gets called out as anti-trans by somewhat prominent social commenters for writing a very good piece for NYT magazine on gender therapy. I really think this works against the cause of trans rights because it demonizes reasonable, well-intentioned could-be allies. If you define as an enemy everybody who is not 100% in lockstep with you, you will inevitably have a lot of enemies.

As to the sports thing, I don't even really get why trans-women were ever allowed to compete with cis-women,* especially in contact sports. I mean, imagine if Connor McGregor was allowed to fight in the women's division. Even after two years of hormone therapy, he could literally kill somebody. It is not in any way anti-trans to acknowledge this reality. Saying trans-women shouldn't compete in the same division as cis-women is no more discriminatory than is saying heavyweights shouldn't box against flyweights. There aren't a ton of transfeminine athletes at the moment, but there will probably be more in the future, and so they can compete together in a separate division, or maybe they can compete in some sort of "open" division (in fact FINA said they are going to create something like this). There are ways to ensure everybody gets to participate without pretending like obvious athletic advantages conferred by male puberty do not exist. Maybe someday medicine will advance to the point that these advantages can be totally neutralized as part of the transition process, but we clearly aren't there yet.

*Which isn't to say I think athletes like Lia Thomas did anything wrong. They didn't. They followed the rules as they were set out, which is what competitors are supposed to do. The personal hate Thomas received was completely unwarranted and utterly shameful.

Anyway...

Whenever I feel overwhelmed by negative shit going down in the world, I retreat to comfort content. I've been hitting it up a lot these days: YouTube Therapy. 

Here's what I've been watching lately.

• Chess clips, even though I hardly ever play chess, and when I do, I don't play it well
• Magic tricks revealed (and then I watch other magic tricks and try to figure out how they do it)
• Craziest soccer goals
• Unbelievable pool runs
• Curb Your Enthusiasm clips ("Palestinian Chicken" -- perhaps the best episode ever)
• Debbie Harry performing "Call Me" on The Muppet Show

These things don't make all societal ills go away, but they do make me feel better for a little while, and that's something.

Until next time...

Entry 615: Awkward Convos With Kids In Cars

My oldest son got into a skirmish with another kid the other day, and it led to an awkward conversation. He came out of aftercare, clearly distraught, and I asked him what was wrong. He didn't want to tell me, but the aftercare attendant happened to be right there, so she filled me in. Apparently, another kid, a girl, accidentally hit him, but he didn't realize it was an accident so he got mad, and then she got mad back, and then she apologized, but she told her friends about it, and they started making comments under their breath, which got him more aggravated, and then... well, you get the idea: stupid kid stuff.

The attendant didn't seem to think it was too big a deal, so I wasn't too worried about it, but I was a little bothered by a few things. For one thing, he kept saying in his defense, "I didn't even hit her, yet," which is not really such a great defense. (Need to work on that kid's lawyer skills -- "yet".) And then there's the male-female thing, which the attendant also mentioned. In fourth grade, that's not such a big deal, but it will be someday, and that day isn't all that far away, if you do the math.

On the car ride home, I had a talk with Lil' S1 about it, and since Lil' S2 was also there, he got in on it, as well. It went something like this.

Me: Hey, why did you keep saying "yet" -- "I didn't even hit her yet"? Were you planning on hitting her?

Lil' S1: I dunno. She hit me first.

Me: On accident, right?

Lil' S1: I think so.

Me: Okay, then why would you hit somebody who hit you on accident?

Lil' S1: Well, that wasn't actually what got me so upset. It was afterwards. She told Taylor and Colleen, and they were saying things about me. They went behind the curtain, but I could still hear them, and they knew I could still hear them.

Me: That's still not a reason to hit somebody. You don't hit somebody because they're saying mean things. That's not okay. You can only hit somebody if you feel threatened, like, you're getting attacked, and even then you're probably better off trying to run away first.* 

*I threw that last part in there, because I'm pretty sure that would be the best bet for my oldest son if he ever got into a serious fight. I at least want him to know running is a viable option. There's no shame in the Nike defense!

Lil' S1: But they were attacking me. They were attacking me with words.

Me: No. That's not the same thing. You can walk away from that or tell them to stop it. You can't hit somebody because of what they say. It's not okay.

Lil' S1: *Grumble, grumble*

Me: And you especially can't hit girls. At your age I know girls and boys are the same size, but as you get older, it's especially important not to be violent towards women.

Lil' S1: Why?! If women want to be equal to men, then it should be the same to hit a man or a woman.

Me: That's not what equality means. Most men are much bigger and stronger than most women, so it's especially bad when a man hits a woman. But really nobody should hit anybody.

Lil' S2: Yeah, but girls can hit you, and you can't hit them. Does that seem fair?

Me: Again, nobody should be hitting anybody.

Lil' S2: Yeah, but why do you say it's worse to hit girls?

Me: At your age there isn't much difference, but it matters when you get older.

Lil' S2: [Very emotional on the verge of tears for some reason] Yeah, but that's not fair!

Me: Fine -- just don't hit anybody then. 

Lil' S2: Fine!

Lil' S1: You know, other than that one incident, aftercare went pretty well.

It's weird to have kids sometimes.

And speaking of my kids, I spoke to my kid's class yesterday. Lil' S1 asked me to do a virtual presentation about my job. It's probably not that interesting to a class of fourth graders, but he was really excited for me to do it, and he asked me specifically, not S, which she was legit offended by. I did my best to make it kinda fun. I think it mostly worked. Lil' S1 said he thought it went well, and afterward a lot of kids asked me questions. The thing about computer programming is that it's very visually based. You can run a program and show them what happened, and then change something in the code and show them how that changes things in the next run. That's kinda cool. Also, the nerdier kids are just impressed by the written code. It this crazy secret language of command words and symbols. It's a bit like seeing the chalkboard covered in equations -- a certain kind of kid finds that type of thing intriguing. 

In other news, non-kid news, the world is basically shite right now, innit? We've got massive inflation and are probably headed toward a recession to boot; war is still raging in Ukraine with no sign of stopping; we seem to be headed for a civil war of some sort here in the States; people are still getting sick with Covid; there's a mass shooting seemingly every other day; violence in general is way up; homelessness is out of control. Oh yeah, and climate change is threatening to wipe us all out -- or at least make us suffer. I couldn't even take the boys to the park today after school -- it was 97 degrees at 4:30 in the afternoon.

But we persevere, right? Solve some crossword puzzles, drink some coffee, do some pushups, watch some basketball. Actually the NBA season just ended last night. Boston didn't win, which pleases me. The Stanley Cup finals are still going, but I could use something else to watch when they have an off night. I'm debating starting a new show. S is away on business for a few days, so I could watch something she's already seen or wouldn't be interested in. I'm thinking maybe White Lotus. I have always been a Mike White fan. The other thing I could do is start in on Mad Men, which I've never actually seen, but that seems like a commitment I'm not ready to make.

S and I were watching Severance together, but we bailed after episode five or six. I think it was the right call. It was intriguing, but it wasn't actually going anywhere. It's, like, you gotta give the viewer some small payoffs for investing in your weird shit, and there weren't any. Every episode can't be what? some have to be aha! Maybe they were saving everything for the end, but I'm not going to invest another five or six hours to find out. Actually, I read the Wikipedia page for each of the episodes we didn't watch, and I'm glad we quit early. Quitting gets a bad rap, but it's actually a useful life skill. Often it's just better to stop investing your resources (time, energy, money, etc.) into something you don't really enjoy than it is to see it through to the bitter end.

Actually, I was thinking that Severance would have made a great movie, and it's the type of concept that twenty years ago would have been a movie. That's the biggest problem with prestige TV -- there's just too damn much of it. I bet a lot of ten-episode shows would be better as two-hour films. Although, I say that, but I'm much more inclined to watch a show rather a movie. It's because one hour at the end of the night often feels doable, but two hours doesn't. Maybe I need to get used to watching movies in two sittings. I remember listening to somebody on a podcast once (Jamelle Bouie, I believe) who watches a bunch of movies, and he said that that's how he does it. In fact, he said he would watch them in even shorter increments, like 20 minutes at a time. Somebody else on the show said she would find that too annoying, and his point was, yeah, it kinda is at first, but you get used to it, and it's usually either that or not watching a movie at all. So, it's better than the alternative. Maybe I should try it. Maybe right now.

Until next time...

Entry 614: Too Much To Listen To

I had to make a tough cut recently to my podcast roll. I couldn't keep up with all my follows, even listening to a bunch of stuff on 1.25 or even 1.5 speed. I added a show I mentioned in the comments of my last entry called Lost Debate, which I like quite a bit, and I quickly found that I couldn't take on another show and maintain a steady-state solution, so I had to cut something. Since I already have a bunch of sports podcasts, I gave Knuckleheads the boot. Apologies to Darius and Quentin -- you guys have a pretty good show, but I just don't have room right now. Also, if I'm being honest, you get a bit repetitive. You ask the same questions to every guest, and there are only so many times one needs to hear about what an NBA player purchased the first time he "got that bag." (Spoiler: it's a chain and/or a luxury car.)

I find this to be a common problem with personality based podcasts. When I first start listening, I'm all in, and then at some point down the line I find that I'm not that into it anymore, and it's like Oh, yeah, right, I've heard this bit fifty times already. The quintessential example of this The Adam Carolla Show, but it happened with a few other shows too, such as Desus and Mero. And I have a feeling it might happen with Adam Carolla's friend Sarah Silverman. I started listening to her podcast about a year ago and found it so delightful, I burned through her entire back catalog in like a week, but now she's no longer the must-listen she once was because it's kinda the same. She's still in rotation, but it wouldn't be too surprising if I replaced her with something else in the near future.

Since you asked, here's my current podcast roll.

Sports
Effectively Wild
Extra Points
Hang Up & Listen
Minus Three
The Bill Barnwell Show
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Mina Kimes Show
The Ringer NBA Show

News/Politics/Commentary
The NPR Politics Podcast
The Lost Debate
The Gist
Political Gabfest
Blocked & Reported

Comedy/Personality
The Poscast
Larry Wilmore: Black on the Air
Real Time with Bill Maher
The Sarah Silverman Podcast

Music
Hit Parade

Relationship/Sex Advice
Savage Lovecast

Science
Star Talk with Neil deGrasse Tyson

Long Form Interview
The Michael Shermer Show

So, you can see why I have to make cuts sometimes. It's a lot, but I can usually burn through them, and if I don't I just deleted them Sunday night and move on. I've gotten over my OCD aversion of having to listen to every. single. episode. And, like I said, I listen to a bunch of them on faster speeds. I can polish off NPR Politics Podcast and The Gist just getting myself and the kids ready in the morning.

The main downside to listening to so many podcasts is that I don't listen to music very often anymore. Every now and then when I'm doing a crossword puzzle late at night, or I'm going out for a run, I'll throw on Pandora, and it'll play a stream of awesome songs (those algorithms work!), and I'll think to myself man, music is awesome; I need to listen to music more often, and then I won't do it. I do have dreams of getting a record player and taking up record collecting, but that's a kids-are-out-of-the-house hobby, not one I'm going to start up anytime soon.

In other news, one of S's friends is in town for a conference, so she prolonged her trip and stayed with us for a few days. It's cool to see her. She's really sweet and good with the kids. Unfortunately, it was a dreary, drizzly day, so our plans of a hike got squashed. It's just as well. I scraped the shit out of my shin doing box jumps, and it's still all cut-up and nasty. By the way, I hate box jumps. They're the worst exercise: Here, jump up on this hard wooden box repeatedly, and if you miss once by a few millimeters, you'll shred your shin. It's partially my own fault -- I mean, it's totally my own fault, but partially it was a consciously bad decision and not just an accident. I was doing them at 24 inches, which is normally fine, but it was near the end of the workout, and I was already super tired, and the angel on my shoulder said don't be a hero, just flip the box over and do it the shorter way of 20 inches, but then the devil on my other shoulder said leave it where it is, you pussy! (My inner devil uses gender offensive language.) Should've listened to my angel. This is another example of when trying to "push it" backfires. You should quit pushing it at like age 42, if not younger. You can actually get more out of your workouts by going a little easier because you don't get hurt and don't have to sit out until your recover.

Anyway, instead of going on a hike we watched a movie, and it was a very, very bad movie: Cheaper by the Dozen-- the new one with Zach Braff and Gabrielle Union, who have quite possibly the worst screen chemistry of any movie couple in film history. They're the anti-Bergman-and-Bogart. The film just kinda meanders from one story line to the next without actually developing any of them, and then there are these awkward, after-school-special-style social justice messages shoehorned in. Oh, and also, the movie isn't funny, like, at all. There was one time I laughed, and I don't even remember what the joke was now. As a parent, you end up watching a lot of movies you don't really want to watch, and occasionally when they are over, you say to yourself hey, that actually wasn't half bad, but most the time you don't say that because it was as terrible as you were anticipating. This was one of those latter times.

That's all for tonight. Until next time...

Entry 613: Three Topics

It's late, but this might be the only chance I get to blog this weekend, so I'm going to fire out an entry. Let's hit three topics, rapid-fire-like.

• It was a bad week for problems from the past. My treadmill broke again. It's pretty annoying, but not as annoying as I thought it would be. I think I just reached maximum annoyance last time, and now my brain is like nah, dude, we're not doing that again. I put in another service order to get it fixed, but at this point I might try to see if I can get a refund. The thing is though, I like having a treadmill. It's very nice, and it's become a crucial part of my workout routine. But I need one that works obviously. It's the same thing as happened before. If I go fast for too long, the motor stops and doesn't start again. But fast in this case is anything over like 7.5 mph, which is an eight-minute mile, so not actually that fast. If I keep this hunk of junk, and they fix it again, I might have to just set it at 7.0 or below and live with it. It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing, and it's better than the headache (and cost) of getting a new treadmill. I mean, I can get a perfectly fine workout at that speed. I just need to get the heart rate up. It's not like I've got a big race coming up and need to do my time trials.
  
  
• Then our pipes got clogged again and backed everything up, just like before. This really worried me as we spent a billion dollars (not an exact figure) last summer to have them jackhammer through our floors and replace a stretch of corroded pipe that was constantly getting clogged. And I was just fearing having to do that again. But this time it turned out to be on city property. The water was getting all the way to the edge of our front lawn and getting blocked there. We had to call the water company's "emergency" line Thursday evening, and by Saturday afternoon they had it cleared -- not exactly emergency service, but, to be fair, we had some crazy thunderstorms Thursday, and when that happens it causes a lot of drainage issues. The receptionist at the water company did warn us that they had a lengthy list of service requests. I have a suspicion that this clog is related somehow to what happened last summer -- like maybe it was part of the problem. It just seems like too big a coincidence, but maybe that's all it is. I dunno. I am learning a lot about how residential piping, though.
  
  
• So, Johnny Depp won his case -- very surprising to me. I intentionally didn't follow this case live, but so many news outlets were talking about the verdict, I felt compelled to do a deep dive on it, so that I wouldn't be woefully uninformed. My take on it is that Amber Heard did defame him in the colloquially sense -- her statements did hurt his reputation and cause him to lose work -- but, from a free speech standpoint, I don't think what she said should have cost her $10 million. It's not even technically untrue. If I was somehow the ultimate decider on this case, she would get to keep her money, but she would have to put out a public statement owning up to her part in it all. I think it's pretty clear that that's what did her in. They had an abusive relationship for sure, but it wasn't always clear who was the victim and who was the victimizer. They kinda took turns in that regard, and I think the jury saw that. And I think I'll stop here because it's late, and I can't think super clearly, and when you can't think super clearly it's probably not best to write in depth about topics like domestic abuse.

Until next time...