Entry 551: Mucogingival... Is that Even a Word?

I had mucogingival surgery on Tuesday, which is about as fun as it sounds.  It’s actually feeling a bit better now than I was expecting, but that’s only because I was expecting something truly awful.  I had this same procedure done once before, when I got my dental implants, about 25 years ago, and of the many procedures I’ve had done on my mouth, I remember it hurting the worst.  (A close second was having spacers inserted before I got braces.  My teeth ached unbearably for days.  I remember trying to eat homemade kielbasa sausage and nearly being in tears because I couldn’t chew.)  I don’t know if this surgery wasn’t as bad, or if I’ve gotten tougher as I’ve aged, or if I’ve hyped up the agony of the first time in my memory.  Whatever the case, I’ll take it.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s still awful, but it’s nowhere near the top of my pain power rankings.

In fact, the discomfort and annoyingness are worse than the pain.  The stitches on the roof of my mouth (the donation site) are driving me crazy, and they’re the kind that loosen and dissolve on their own, so they’re gradually getting pulled out further and further, creeping toward my throat, evoking my gag reflex.  I’ve had to go in there with tweezers and scissors and trim them twice already.  Then I’ve got this weird molded dressing on my low gum (the transplant site) that makes me feel like Bubba from Forrest Gump.  Also, I have these annoying rules to follow.  I'm not allowed to work out (no vigorous exercise or heavy lifting), and I'm not allowed to sleep on my left side, which is particularly irritating as that's my good shoulder.  It's hard to get comfortable, so it's hard to sleep, which exacerbates everything.

Nothing is as bad as the dietary rules, however.  I basically can’t eat anything harder than mashed potatoes, and I can’t eat anything too hot or cold or spicy or sticky.  I'm struck with room temperature mush three meals a day.  I have a protein shake in the morning, a pureed can of soup for lunch, and a mound of scrambled eggs for dinner.  In between, I eat applesauce and blended cottage cheese and fruit (see below) and my midnight snack is half a carton of strawberry yogurt.  Literally half a carton – I polished off one of those big Stonyfield containers in two sittings.

The thing is, blended food tastes the same as nonblended food, but taste is not the only part of what we like about eating.  Texture and variety matter a lot.  Pureed chicken noodle soup still tastes like chicken noodle soup, but without the hunks of chicken to bite down into and the contrast of the noodles and vegetables, it’s just not the same.  It’s not as enjoyable and also somehow not as filling.  I think eating is psychological to a large extent.  I remember reading once that part of what satiates us is the feeling of food going down our gullets.  I never followed up to see if this is actually true, but it makes sense.  If I eat a huge lunch, for instance, I’ll still want to eat dinner when it’s dinner time, even though I’m still stuffed from lunch.  I’m somehow simultaneously hungry and full, and that only make senses if there is more to hunger than net food intake over a given time frame.  All of which is to say, it really sucks to not eat solid food, and when you combine that with restless nights in bed, you get a grumpy DG.  Actually, I haven't been especially grumpy, but I'm feeling it on the inside.

The pain meds they gave me are pretty lousy as well.  I got two different types, ibuprofen 800 for the day and Tylenol 3 (codeine) for the evening.  The ibuprofen is fine, but I don’t like the codeine.  It dulls the pain and makes me drowsy (yet somehow I still can't sleep easily), which is exactly what it’s supposed to do, I guess, but it doesn’t make me feel good.  I don’t want to be numb; I want to soar.  I want a reward for suffering through the day; I want something to make me completely forget about my mouth for a while.  I want the good shit.

I wish I could tell the doctor, “Look, don’t give me 12 codeine pills, most of those are going down the toilet.  Give me three of the best stuff you got, the stuff somebody robbing a pharmacy would go for first, the stuff that sells for $50 a pill on the street.  Don’t worry, I won’t ask you for more, and I won’t get addicted.  Trust me.”  But I can’t say that, so instead I take my crappy meds (or don't) and wish I knew a drug dealer.

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In other news, we watched The Sandlot on family movie night a few nights ago.  It’s a staple on all those “Classic Baseball Movies” lists, but somehow I had never seen it, despite it coming out almost 30 years ago and me being a huge baseball fan.  It's kind of a shite film, truth be told.  It’s one of those “didn’t age well” movies.  There’s a scene where a boy is hailed as a hero for tricking a girl into kissing him against her will.  He “became a man” that day says the narrator.  Certainly not a great message about consent.  Then there’s a part where two boys are having an insult battle and the ultimate putdown occurs when one boy tells the other boy he “throws like a girl.”

I think (hope) my kids recognize this as being outdated sexism, even if they can’t verbalize it as such.  The stereotype of girls being athletically inferior to boys probably doesn't resonate as well to a younger generation who see so many prominent examples -- Megan Rapinoe, Simone Biles, Naomi Osaka, etc. -- of women excelling in sports (or, in the case of my boys, don't seem to care about sports at all, although I'm still holding our hope for Lil' S2).  It’s true that women aren’t as physically powerful as men, which is why they can’t compete against them at the highest levels of athletics, but that is only relevant at the highest level of athletics.  Take your average dude, and without much trouble I could find a dozen women who are better than them in any athletic endeavor they choose.

Getting back to The Sandlot, the worst part of the movie is the ending, which painfully uses the Magical Negro trope (I've been randomly watching a lot of Key & Peele sketches lately) to conveniently solve the boys’ problems.  It just isn’t a very good film.  It has some cute moments, but overall… meh.  At least it was nice to Marion Ravenwood again.  And the film sure put Patrick Renna on the map.  I wonder what that guy is up to these days.  He’s probably one of those '90s child actors who’s surprisingly older than me and now a born-again Christian.  Let’s see… close!  He’s only a few years younger, and he’s a Scientologist.

Until next time… 

PS -- As I was about to post this, I got a text from a friend telling me that one of our mutual friends from high school died recently.  So, so sad.  He was such a good guy, but he apparently took a bad turn somewhere.  We totally lost touch in college, so I only know his story through second-hand dribs and drabs.  He started a software company and made a bunch of money -- like, he had a mansion on Lake Washington and a fleet of boats and cars and stuff -- but then he went to prison for selling stolen software licenses.  He later violated his parole with drug possession, and a few days ago he died in his sleep.  Nobody told me the cause, but it doesn't take a mastermind to put the pieces together.  It's just... heartbreaking.  RIP RY.

Entry 550: Sitting Down By The Fire

Exceptionally rough week, this one.  More so for S than me, I think, but if your spouse has a bad week, then you pretty much have a bad week too.  It’s the usual crush of pandemic life, but it is made so much worse by it being winter.  It snowed today, and not that nice, big, fluffy snow, but that gray, gravelly, depressing snow that has all the downside of snow (cold, wet, difficult to travel in) and none of the upside (beautiful, cozy, fun to play in).  So, our kids are cooped up inside all day, with two other “pod” kids, taking virtual classes (in theory), while S and I try to work.  It’s a bit maddening.  We have a babysitter who bravely trekked up here from her home in Southeast DC, so that’s helpful, but it is still super chaotic.

And probably no less risky than sending our kids back to school.  That's the kicker.  We got a questionnaire back in August about whether or not we were comfortable as parents with full-time in-person learning for our children, and I responded in the affirmative, because without school, I knew parents would form these makeshift pods, in which they and their kids would cross-pollenate constantly.  From the standpoint of society at large, I suspect this is only marginally safer, if at all, than just totally opening up the classroom.

But the issue is not overall risk, it’s risk to the teachers specifically, and I get that – a lot of teachers are elderly and/or have comorbidities, and it sucks that they have to bear the brunt of a pandemic that isn’t their fault, but… that’s where we are.  Also – and this is an important point – we could open schools in a manner that reduces risks as much as possible – masks, distancing, outdoor classes, testing, automatic vaccine signup for teachers, etc.  It’s got to get done, and it’s got to get done relatively quickly.  I’ve been reading about how Republicans running for office around the country are going to use “Democrats’ failed to reopen schools” as a campaign talking point.  This could absolutely work for them as an issue if schools don’t reopen soon; it could also completely flop if schools do reopen soon.  President Biden certainly recognizes this, but he's not in charge of opening schools at the local level.

As always, I try to have perspective, and things are still better for our family than for many others.  I mean, just look at what’s going on in Texas.  But “having perspective” only works to a point and can sometimes make things worse, because you feel bad about feeling bad, which makes you feel even worse.  The truth is, we all have problems, and they don’t magically go away because somebody somewhere has it worse.  Also, people struggle mentally and emotionally for different reasons, and we often can’t recognize it in others, or don’t understand it when we do, so what might seem like a better situation is actually not better at all.  Everybody is trying to deal with this pandemic in their own way, and some people are doing better at it than others, and it's not completely determined by how outwardly easy or difficult it might look to others.

One thing I've come to learn is that S and I have different coping strategies, which can cause tension sometimes (though we're getting along pretty well, all things considered).  She starts feeling claustrophobic and just wants to do something – get a cottage in the woods, visit her sister, go see her parents (who’ve been vaccinated).  I’m the opposite – I go into “bunker mode.”  I just want to hunker down and wait it out.  It’s not even really about fear of getting sick.  You can travel in a relatively safe manner if you’re diligent about it.  It’s just a mindset.  There's some logic to it, obviously, but it’s not completely rationally, and I can’t completely explain it.  As you can probably imagine, this all makes for some interesting “discussions” between S and I.

On the plus side, I’m back at (virtual) Krav Maga.  The self-defense aspect of it is very silly over Zoom -- it’s impossible to drill against an attacker by yourself -- but it’s a really good workout.  I need that in my day, both to combat my expanding waistline, and to mentally “flush the system,” so to speak.  Vigorous exercise really helps me expunge the emotional toxins that build up throughout my day.  In less new-agey parlance, it’s an effective way to reduce stress.  And I’ve come to realize I need the structure and accountability of a group setting to really reap those benefits.  It just doesn’t work as well when I exercise on my own.

Other than that, I've being spending a lot of time sitting by the fire.  Our house came with a ready-to-use gas fireplace (we had one at our old house, but never paid the $300 to hook it up) which I didn't even think twice about, and we only used it a few times on special occasions.  But then S turned it on a few weeks ago, just because, and we really liked it.  Now, we use it frequently.  Reading or doing a crossword puzzle in front of fire is absolutely delightful.  It's the only good thing about this winter.

Well, that's all for today.

Until next time...

Entry 549: News of the Universe

Lots going on these days, internationally, nationally, locally, personally, and probably universally too.  I’m sure there are some astrophysicists out there who would be more than willing to talk about all the exciting things happening far outside the confines of our little rock.

Internationally, there is very likely a coup in process right now in Myanmar.  I probably know much more about this than the average American -- S used to do work in Myanmar, and she’s been to the country many times, so I’ve learned a bit about it through her -- and I still don’t know much about it.  That's all I have to say about it.

Nationally, Trump’s second impeachment trial is underway.  He will be acquitted.  Only six Republicans voted to even have the trial, a far cry from the 17 needed to actually convict.  Too many Reps still see their future political prospects tied to Trump.  This doesn’t excuse their hypocritical, anti-democratic positions, but it does explain them.  Trump is a turnout machine both for and against himself.  In the last election, the candidates who did the best were Republicans other than Trump, especially those who didn't totally signoff on all things Trump, but didn't dare explicitly cross him either.  The not-not-Trumpers like Susan Collins.  They played the fence well enough to be palatable to hardcore MAGA-heads -- voters who really only turn out for their man but might tick the box for another R while they’re at it -- and still be preferred by the John Kasich/Larry Hogan-types who switched to Biden or didn’t vote for president at all.  Republicans probably need this “double-dip” of voters to win swing elections (not to mention primaries), so they don’t want to lop off half of it.  I understand the strategy.  I think it's morally bankrupt, incredibly reckless, and very shortsighted.  But I understand it.

Democrats, for their part, still need to make the case against Trump even though they won’t get the votes they seek.  They are, and they are doing a pretty good job of it, honestly.  It might not be totally fruitless either.  You never know what sort of downstream effects this could have.  I believe in compromising and prioritizing and being pragmatic in politics, but sometimes it’s better to just do the right thing, not only because it’s the right thing, but also because it's impossible to perfectly game out the politics.  Take the first impeachment.  You could make the case it didn’t work, because Trump was acquitted, and the whole thing energized his base and galvanized support in his party, many of whom deemed it partisan theater.  However, Jonathan Chait points to an article, written by a conservative, who said it did work because it preemptively neutralized Trump’s Hunter-Biden-Ukraine-corruption talking point.  This was his big "Hillary's emails" move of 2020, but it gained hardly any traction with voters.  Obviously, we have no way to know how much impeachment actually affected this – there could be myriad other reasons those charges didn’t stick to Biden (e.g., not being a woman, not being a Clinton) – but I find it a compelling argument nevertheless.

The other good thing about this impeachment trial is that it will be over soon, and then I can completely focus my discontent with public officials at the local level – specifically, whoever is holding up in-person learning at my kids' elementary school.  It’s time to get everyone back in the classroom -- the real physical classroom (or a workable facsimile thereof).  I know there are risks to returning, but there are also risks to not returning, and right now the latter risks greatly outweigh the former risks, in my opinion.  Covid cases have been encouragingly trending downward in DC for the last few weeks and should continue to do so as vaccines becomes available to larger segments of the population.  More to the point, virtual learning is garbage.  It's extremely ineffective for the kids who have the resources to keep up and essentially nonexistent for the kids who don’t.  And the burden of keeping children at home is becoming unbearable for families financially, emotionally, and even physically.  It’s time for teachers to come back.  (They never should have left, in my opinion, but that’s another story.)  The District and the teacher’s union need to do whatever they need to do – enforce strict protocols, hold classes outside in tents with space heaters (I’ll donate one), lobby to let teachers cut the vaccination line – but these kids gotta get back in the classroom ASAP.

Well, I think that just about does it for this week.  A few personal notes before I go.  I had a root canal done yesterday.  It sucked and to makes matter worse it might not even work.  The endodontist told me it was about 50-50 whether or not it would stop the irritation I’ve been feeling.  

“What do I if it doesn’t?” I asked.

“Extract the tooth and get an implant,” she replied.

I already have two implants, and I’m getting a bone-grafting procedure done to prolong the life of two others that will probably need to be replaced somewhere down the road, anyway.  And now this?  Maybe I should just see if they can give me a discount and get all my teeth pulled and replaced with implants at once, and just be done with it.

My week wasn't all bad though.  I discovered the Sarah Silverman podcast and I’ve been binge-listening to her back catalog -- so hilarious.  Here best joke was about visiting Australia and observing that they shorten everything there, even serious things like the Holocaust: "They'd ask me, 'Were your grandparents in the Holly?'"  Had me rolling, thinking about the year I lived there.  It's funny because it's true. 

Until next time…  

Entry 548: Hollywood Connections

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