Friday, October 28, 2016

Entry 354: Politics... Wait, No, Family and Marriage, Actually

Is there anything else to write about now other than the election?  Yes, there is, but I have a different forum for crossword puzzles, and nobody wants to hear my in-depth thoughts on the Seahawks running back situation.  (But if you want my quick take: I miss Beastmode!)  Oh, I suppose I could also write about family, but things are pretty boring right now on that front – which is fine.  We have our routines; they work for us… for now.

If you froze my current situation in time and repeated it until the day I died, sixty years from now (99 seems like a decent age to hypothetically die), I wouldn’t think it was much of a life – the highlights of my day are usually the walk I take during my lunch break, and the five minutes I’m home and both of my kids are awake and not whining about something – but the good thing is that my current situation is not frozen in time.  I imagine the kids will be less clingy and less fussy by the time they reach their 60s (when I hypothetically die) than they are now.  I imagine someday S and I will be able to do more things with them and take them more places.  I imagine someday they will become more independent, and we will be able to spend more than ten minutes alone together, when we aren’t sleeping or wishing we were sleeping.


It’s weird, two of S’s friends who don’t know each other, and who each have small children confided in her in back-to-back days that their respective relationships with their husbands have been very rocky since the kids came, and they are both worried.  One of them said she was frequently annoyed with her husband’s presence for no good reason, and the other said that she and her husband had become “coworkers” instead of spouses.  And my first thought was, “Uh… yeah, isn’t that how all relationships are for parents of small kids?”

I suppose it’s a matter of degree, but that’s kinda how things go for a while, right?  If you have young children, you’re likely to be majorly overworked and sleep-deprived; and if you’re majorly overworked and sleep-deprived, you’re likely to be grumpy; and if you’re likely to be grumpy, you’re likely to be annoyed by the mere presence of other people; and if you’re likely to be annoyed by the mere presence of other people, you’re likely to take it out on your spouse, because they’re the person who is always around and whom you can take it out on.  If you tried to pull that shit with your boss, you'd probably be fired.

As for being coworkers, yeah, marriage does get pretty logistical with young kids – that's just how it goes.  But if you work well together as a team you can take some pride in it.  The other night both our kids woke up at the same time around 2:00 a.m., and S and I arose from our slumbers, quickly set up our game plan, double-teamed the kitchen for some milk, went into man-to-man coverage to put each kid back down (she got big; I got little), and were back in bed spooning within five minutes.  (Of course the spoon only lasted about five minutes because it’s not very comfortable to actually fall asleep in that position, but it was a nice five minutes.)  Things don’t always go that smoothly, but when they do, it’s a beautiful thing.

My general feeling on it is don’t put so much stress on your relationship.  Enjoy the little things and know that the big things will come back in time.  I think S feels the same way, but maybe not quite to the same degree.  She definitely gets antsy and starts saying we need to have a date night, and we usually do, but here’s the thing about date nights: They are not always fun.  Sometimes they are, and you have a great time, but other times you just feel like you’re going through the motions because you should, and you’re not really enjoying yourself.

[I find both these actors very funny, and yet you would have to pay me a lot of money for me to actually watch this movie.]

The first problem with date night is that you have to get somebody to watch your kids.  DC is an expensive city, especially when it comes to child care, so sitters are pricey.  Add this cost to the cost of the activity, and S and I are dropping at least a Benjamin every time we go out, often much more.  That's not such a big deal, if we have a fantastic time, but a lot of times we don't because (a) we incessantly worry about the kids (more me than S), (b) we start to fade immediately after leaving the house (more S than me) -- and not only that but we are cognizant of the fact that our kids are going to be waking us up at the crack at of dawn, possibly early, and it's really hard to cut loose and relax when the prospect of a 5:30 a.m. wake up call is hanging over your head.  All of this is not to say S and I are incapable of going out and having a good time.  We do have enjoyable nights out sometimes.  It’s just to say that date nights often aren’t what they're cracked up to be.

Actually, recently S really wanted to do a date night, so I suggested that instead of going out and spending a bunch of money just to be tired in nicer clothes than sweats, we should rent a movie from iTunes, pick a specific day and time to watch it after the kids are in bed, and make it into a little event that we are going to do together – no folding laundry, no checking Facebook, no reading work email, no following a game online.  We are going to set up date conditions and have a date night at home.  She said that was a good idea, so we did it, and then she fell asleep a half hour into the movie.  I didn’t mind.  I finished it (Whiplash -- pretty good), then I turned on the end of a football game and watched that, and then I woke her up and we went to bed at the same time, which is a rarity.  Oh, and both kids slept until the morning – so it was actually a nice little night.

Alright, apparently I can write about something other than the election.  The actual vote is coming up in 10 days (the end is nigh!), so I’ll probably have something to say on it next week.  But for now I hope you enjoyed this all-family entry.

Until next time…

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Entry 353: Late But... Probably Not Worth the Wait, Honestly

I meant to put something up this weekend, but I got sidetracked by my other blog, which required a post because I got another New York Times crossword puzzle published on Monday.  I'm kinda making a name for myself in Crossworld, which is cool.  (And I've got a bunch more on the way too!)

So I'm home from work today because Lil' S1 threw up like six times yesterday, so he couldn't go to school today.  He's taking a nap now, the length or which will be directly correlated to the length of this post.  It's weird, he's not showing any signs of being sick other than throwing up -- which is a bit like the old joke "Other than that, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?" -- but usually when somebody is vomiting there are auxiliary symptoms.  With Lil' S1 there seem to be none, and today he has been acting completely normally.  Maybe he ate something that gave him mild food poisoning, or maybe he caught a very centralized stomach bug -- I don't know.  I just hope it is gone by tomorrow.  One day off with him is actually kinda nice, but two days is starting to push it.  I would definitely struggle as a stay-at-home dad.  It's funny, I asked him what he wanted to do today "museum?  movie?  park?" and what's his response?  "Daddy, can we go to Target?!"  Target happens to be in the same building as our gym, and they have daycare service, so I was actually in favor of this proposal.  Might as well get in a workout if I'm not going to work.



In other news, as you probably know, the final presidential debate is tonight.  I'll very likely watch it -- if only for the finality of it.  It's like when you watch a TV series that you've invested a lot of time in, but it starts to totally go off the rails at the end, but you still feel compelled to watch the finale.  That's how I am with this debate.  Honestly, I doubt it will matter much at all.  I suspect the vast, vast majority of people have decided already and aren't open to having their minds changed this late in the game.  For people who like Hillary and/or hate Trump, this is good news, as she has a commanding lead in the polls and will win handily if all her potential voters turn out.  That's my biggest fear: That would-be Hillary voters overwhelmingly don't turn out, because they never really supported her in the first place, and, when it actually comes down to it, aren't going to be motivated enough by the prospect of her in the White House to endure the slight inconvenience of going to the voting booth.  Another, smaller fear is that there are many people who support Trump but are embarrassed to admit it, so they are lying to pollsters about it, and thus the race is actually much closer than it appears.  My coworker subscribes to this theory, but I think he's a closet Trump supporter, so he could just be projecting his feelings onto everybody else.  My intuition from day one is that Hillary is a heavy favorite, and that's what the models that nailed the last two presidential elections are saying, so that's probably the way it is.

[I'm not with him!  And if you're not either, vote, dammit!]

In other other news, Lil' S2 is getting really cute.  He's nearing maximum cuteness, which happens at some point between one and a half and two and a half.  The problem is that he's only cute about 10% of the time, and the other 90% he's either sleeping or he's fussing.  That kid is cranky.  He just whines about everything -- I mean more than other kids his age, more than his brother at that age.  He's also a bit of a daddy's boy, so I get the brunt of it.  If I'm home and not holding him at that precise moment, he will toddle over to me and tug on my pant legs and whine.  To makes matter worse, the moment I pick him up, his brother will come running over and demand to be picked up as well ("Daddy, I'm tired of walking").  It's nice to be wanted, and people always say you miss it when it's gone, but I don't think I'm going to miss this.

In other ways, however, Lil' S2 is much easier than his brother was at his age.  He's easier to put to bed, and he's much easier to feed.  Lil' S1 has been a finicky eater since we gave him solids.  He just doesn't seem to like eating for some reason.  His brother is the exact opposite.  That kid will mow down whatever you put in front of him.  For breakfast, Lil' S1 will take three bites of an English muffin with cream cheese and then say he's full, while Lil' S2 will eat a piece of bread, a yogurt, half a banana, and some of my oatmeal, and then want a bottle of milk on top of all that.  This could very well be how most kids his age eat, and it just seems like a huge amount to me because I'm used to his brother...

Speaking of which, I hear some rustling upstairs.  I'd better throw some pics on this bad boy and call it an entry.

Until next time...

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Entry 352: Can You Actually Grab a Woman *By* the [Kitty]?

It's late Saturday night.  I'm on "Trump hot mic" overload.  Schadenfreude levels are high.  I doubt I'll have a chance to post to this blog tomorrow, so it's a quick comedy ("comedy"?) post tonight.  Here are five Trump jokes that I almost posted on FaceBook before deciding against it because... well, just because.

1.  The thing I realized is that Donald Trump and I just have different taste in women.  He likes blondes ones; I like consenting ones.

2.  I found Trump's new campaign poster:


Okay, I stole that from a FaceBook friend.  But then I commented:
"Trump also once tried to get busy in a Burger King bathroom. He moved on her hard, but she was married."  
C'mon, that's funny.  The Humpty Dance, here's your chance to do the hump...

3.  Can you actually grab a woman *by* the [kitty]?  There's not really much to grab *by* down there.  And if there's one thing worse than somebody who brags about committing sexual assault, it's somebody who brags about committing sexual assault and misuses prepositions.

4.  Trump dismissed what he said as "locker room talk".  And this is true... just ask any of Darren Sharper's ex-teammates.*

5. Make America great again... one stolen vag grab at a time.

Until next time...

*Link provided for non-football fans.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Entry 351: Kinda Late Debate Analysis

Like millions of fellow Americans, I watched Monday night's presidential debate, and I came away feeling... surprisingly satisfied.  I typically don't watch the debates because I personally don't find them particularly useful, and because they always make me feel anxious.  It's like watching an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm -- you are just waiting in uncomfortable anticipation for somebody to say something embarrassing -- but without any jokes to provide a payoff for your anxiety.  But these are special times, and I was quite curious about what was going to be said, so I tuned in.

And I'm glad I did.  Because I got to watch in real-time Donald Trump get his ass handed to him by a far smarter, far more articulate, far more prepared, and dare I say it -- far more likable -- opponent.  He was totally and utterly objectively outclassed.  It was like watching the neighborhood bully fight a kid who has been doing nothing but practicing mixed martial arts for the past four years.  The bully came out and tried to use his weight and bravado to cow his opponent, but she easily weathered his initial advance, methodically maneuvered him into an advantageous position, and then ruthlessly delivered strikes of her own until the bully was trying to play the victim card and garner sympathy for himself ("She's being mean to me!").

Like I said, it was SO satisfying to watch.  Even if it doesn't swing the election, even if there isn't a pro-Clinton bounce (although there probably will be), it still happened.  We still all watched it.  There is NO way a fair-minded observer can say that Trump did anything other than get destroyed.  And that's very gratifying at the moment.  In November, if Trump somehow manages to win -- which could always happen; that's just the country we live in right now -- Clinton's performance in this debate will be little consolation.  But November is next month, for now, there is no harm in reveling in the epic smackdown we all witnessed on Monday night.


Also, there are two more debates, and it now seems highly unlikely that Trump is going to "win" either of them.  I suppose it's theoretically possibly he could do a much better job, but the other debates will not have the viewing audience the first one did, so they are less likely to move the needle, and Clinton is a tough opponent, anyway.  She has a strategy that if she sticks to it -- and given her preparation and performance in the first debate, I imagine she will -- is virtually indefensible: Troll Trump repeatedly.  No matter what the question she has to frame her answer in a way that subtly (or not so subtly) belittles her opponent.  She did this masterfully in the first debate -- bringing up Trump's "small" $14 million loan from his father, suggesting he isn't as rich as he claims, insinuating he's a racist, insinuating he's a sexist, and, one of my personal favorites, insinuating he's creepy (he likes "hanging around" beauty pageants).

The reason this is such a good strategy is because Trump inevitably takes the bait and gets off message (if he was ever "on" it to begin with) and starts saying stupid, offensive, or just downright incomprehensible things.  He just absolutely cannot help himself.  And even if he could, what's he going to do about it?  Just stand there and let Hillary tear him apart with a barrage of insults without defending himself?  How would that look any better for him?  He would come off as weak and pathetic.  He simply doesn't have the oratory skills or the critical thinking skills to outduel an adroit arguer.  It's why Ted Cruz was dying to get him in a one-on-one debate during the primary.  Cruz knew Trump wouldn't be able to go 90 minutes on his own, absent a stadium full of acolytes who cheer at literally anything he says no matter how offensive or bizarre.

It is widely acknowledged that Trump did much better at the beginning of the debate, and he did, but even if the entire next two debates go like the first part of the last debate, I still don't think Trump "wins."  I think people get bored (how long can you rehash the effectiveness of past trade deals?), and it's a stalemate.  Plus, Clinton knows she's vulnerable on trade and will undoubtedly have a focus-group-tested, polls-tested line of defense ready for another Trump attack on the issue.  The winning target for Trump is so small, and he's such an unsteady shot, I'm not too worried he's actually going to hit the bull's eye.

One thing he might do, one thing he's been posturing to do is bring up Bill Clinton's affairs -- perhaps implying that Hillary was complicit in a cover up of a sexual assault or something like that.  I think this would be foolish.  For one thing, Hillary will absolutely be prepared for anything he has to say about this, and she will absolutely bring up Trump's own infidelities, and, again, given his terrible debate skills, I don't see how he wins this exchange.

Another thing he might do is hint at Bill's past transgressions, and then claim he's too kind to bring them up -- a repeat of what he did in the first debate.  If he does this, if I'm Hillary, I'm calling him out on it.  Here's what I would say:
You know, Donald, this is the second time you've implied you have something terrible to say about me and my family, but you aren't going to say it, because you're too "nice."  Well, you're the same guy who has retweeted vicious memes about me from known white supremacists (*WRONG!*), so spare me the gentleman act.  I'm no damsel in distress.  I've been defending myself against lies from people much tougher than you my entire career, so if you have something you want to say about me or my family, go ahead and say it now to my face and to the American people.
Then if he backs down, I would stare at him like an alpha gorilla, and say, "That's what I thought.  That's what I thought."

If instead he actually tries to say something, he's on the spot; now he actually has to come up with something good -- the moment has been built up and the pressure is on.  If all he has is some fusty, old conspiracy theory that everybody but hardcore Hillary haters tired of two decades ago, which is probably the case, then it will be very easy to parry away.

Also, at the end, I would launch into a heartfelt monologue about how difficult it is to have your personal problems litigated in public, being sure to emphasize that my opponent surely knows first-hand how painful and damaging infidelities can be to a marriage.  I'd say something like this.

Alright, I think this is as good a place as any to end this one.  I have to prepare myself mentally for the vice presidential debate.  Just kidding.  I doubt I will watch it.  What's the point?  Tim Kaine versus Mike Pence: Battle of the old boring white guys!  Monday's presidential debate got ratings that rivaled the Super Bowl; expect the VP debate to be more in line with the Pro Bowl.  That's a funny joke for football fans, by the way.

Until next time...