Entry 656: Soccer Season

It's soccer season for Lil' S2, and I'm the coach of the team. Technically, I'm one of two coaches, but I think I've just assumed the role of de facto head coach. What happened is, I signed Lil' S2 up to play, but couldn't get any of his friends to play with him (or, rather, couldn't get any of his friends' parents to add yet another commitment to their schedules), so he just got assigned to a random team. I figured they might already have a coach in place, and I hate the coordinating aspect of coaching, so I didn't sign up for the job. But then we got an email telling us our team had no coach, and we would have to fold if no parent volunteered.

So, I said I'd do it, as did another dad, and then there was a bunch of confusion because the league commissioner was traveling for work and not giving us any follow-up information or responding to emails. And then we got like 20 emails earlier this week, in preparation for the first game of the season, that I had to sort through for relevant information to relay to the parents. That's like my nightmare right there. I so hate making plans and coordinating things. It causes me too much anxiety, and I always feel like I'm going to mess it up. I'm OCD about it, and I check things over and over, even though I just checked them. It takes me, like, an hour to do something simple, like choose a plane ticket, because I'm nervous to actually commit (whereas S can book an entire vacation in ten minutes), and that's when I'm the only one affected by it. If I'm responsible for, say, picking the best practice field and time and day for everybody, it's instant anxiety.

It's totally irrational, of course. It's rec soccer. The parents don't really care. They're just happy somebody else is doing it so that they don't have to care. I spent way too long crafting an email,* making sure I got every detail correct, and the whole time I'm thinking to myself Why am you being so meticulous? Nobody will even read it carefully, if at all. Think about how little attention you give notices from school. And that's education. This is little kids running around on field for 40 minutes. And then it rained and the schedule got changed three times, anyway.

*There's a chat feature on the app we use for the league, and I'm going to start using it exclusively for team communiques. The good thing about chat messages is that they aren't expect to be meticulously crafted, and it's not weird to send a few chats in a row if you forget something or say something wrong.

The actual coaching part is pretty fun. Our first game was today, and we beat our opponent something like 16-1. You aren't supposed to keep score, but the kids always do. Once we got a lead in the double digits, I had to tell them to not announced the score after every goal. We have one kid who's awesome, and he scored about nine times. Lil' S2 is probably the third best player on the team, and he was better than everybody on the other team. Luck of the draw. It's a good thing too because even thought it's little kids, it's a lot less fun when your team is terrible.

We do have one "lost soul" on the team. You know the type -- the kid who doesn't even really know what's going on and is just as happy to stand on the sidelines and daydream as they are to play. We didn't have any subs today, so she had to play the entire game. The first half she was goalie, and she legit made a good save (or "save"). Granted, it was kicked directly at her, but still, she caught it. Everybody on the sideline was going crazy cheering for her, but it really should have been a score, because she caught the ball so deep in the goal -- her back was touching the net -- that it was well past the line.

The coaches are the ones who make the calls (there are no refs), and the opposing coach didn't say anything, so I was in an awkward position where I either had to take away this girl's shining achievement, or I had to not call a goal for a bunch of kids that were getting crushed and could surely use a morale boost. I decide not to say anything. It was more inertia than it was a calculated ethical decision.

Alright, it's super late.

Until next time...

Entry 655: On Politics And Culture, I Guess

A lot going on in the world these day, as always. We had a good old-fashioned bank run a few weeks ago causing a bunch of chaos and market instability (hopefully the damage has been contained). It was a good opportunity for people to promulgate one of my "favorite" social media tropes: "The reason this bad thing occurred is because of the thing I hate." On the right, this meant, of course, that the problem was wokeness because, you know, nothing says DEI like overly investing in government bonds. Don't you just hate those annoying SJWs who never shut up about having to sell at a loss because of abnormally high interest rates?

This goes to show one of my truisms of our current political dynamic: Everything I hate about the left is actually worse on the right. To see what I mean, just look at Ron DeSantis. His whole deal -- his entire shtick -- is that he's anti-woke, and yet his manifestation of being anti-woke amounts to a recreation of all the bad parts of wokeness (e.g., the intolerance and censorship of dissent) but on the opposite side of the ideological spectrum. I would still take him in a heartbeat as the Republican presidential candidate in 2024 (anybody, and I mean this 100% literally, would be better than Trump), but it's worthwhile to recognize that he would be a truly terrible president. It would be every culture war, everywhere, all at once.

I hate the culture wars so much. It's not the issues themselves, which I often find important and interesting and think should be debated in good faith; it's that the people who actually want to debate this way get drowned out by the extremists on both sides. I'm tired of it. Not being on Twitter much does help, though. Every so often, I'll hop back on to see what's going on, and whenever I do, I'm immediately regretful.

A somewhat recent example of this is a letter to The New York Times signed by a bunch of contributors who have "serious concerns about editorial bias in the newspaper’s reporting on transgender, non⁠-⁠binary, and gender nonconforming people." I don't agree with the letter, and had I not gone on Twitter, I probably would not have noticed that a bunch of the signatories are crossword puzzle constructors whom I know and like and respect. I would have been blissfully unaware of this when I see them at the next puzzle tournament. Oh well, people should be able to knowingly have different views from others and still be able to enjoy their company. That's my whole thing, so I should practice what I preach.

As to why I don't agree with the letter, I think it misunderstands the role of journalism (it's not supposed to be activism), and I think one of its main premises -- that articles in The New York Times contribute to the spate of awful anti-trans legislation, pushed by far-right politicians -- is unfounded and unfair.  A) No person or publication is responsible for others citing their work, and savvy politicians frequently use the "other side" to bolster their claims and stoke division. B) Just because somebody pushes for terrible, oppressive policies, it doesn't automatically make everything they say wrong and everybody they favorably reference invalid or problematic. I've heard Tucker Carlson use speeches of Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders to propagate his xenophobic brand of nationalism. Is that their fault? Should they be accountable for this? Would anybody take it seriously if a bunch of liberal billionaires signed a letter questioning the policies of Warren and Sanders because Carlson sometimes cites them positively?

Also, I've read some of the pieces cited in the letter, and I don't think they are anti-trans. I mentioned the Emily Bazelon article before (I like her work in general), and this is what I said about it:

It's just such an unhealthy discourse when somebody as diligent and sensitive as Emily Bazelon gets called out as anti-trans by somewhat prominent social commenters for writing a very good piece for NYT magazine on gender therapy. I really think this works against the cause of trans rights because it demonizes reasonable, well-intentioned could-be allies. If you define as an enemy everybody who is not 100% in lockstep with you, you will inevitably have a lot of enemies.

I stand by this.

That last thing I'll say about this is that it's important to note that not all trans and nonbinary people see things the same way as the signatories of the letter. Although activists on the left often give the impression that they are the voice of a marginalized group, they aren't. Nobody is, because any group of more than, like, three people will have a wide array of opinions and view points. For a different (and in my opinion more convincing) take on "the battle over trans rights," I suggest this The New Yorker Radio Hour interview with Masha Gessen. I don't agree with everything they say (of course), but I found myself nodding along with a lot of it (they praise Bazelon's piece), and I found it a very interesting interview besides.

Alright, enough about that. Enough about everything. It's late and time to sign off. I didn't intend to write an entire post on politics and culture, but I guess I did. Don't worry, I'll be back again soon with personal bullshit and everyday tedium. I've been getting ghosted by the commissioner of Lil' S2's soccer league, and it's really annoying me.

Until next time...

 

Entry 654: Palm Springs 2023

I have one conference I go to for work every year. It's in Palm Springs, and it certainly could be in a worse place. It's so beautiful there and the weather is always wonderful.* The only problem is that it's a pain to get to Palm Springs from DC. There are no direct flights, and seemingly all the layovers are either 35 minutes or three and a half hours. I went for the narrow option, and it got a little hairy on the way there. My flight out of DC (layover in Denver) wasn't officially late, but we sat on the runway for ten extra minutes for whatever reason, and then the in-air time was five minutes longer than expected because of strong headwinds, so we ended up landing as my connecting flight was boarding. It was a huge plane, and I was near the back, so I did the jerk move and pushed ahead as much as possible, and then booked it to the gate. I was almost the last person on the plane, and the only reason I wasn't the very last is because a few other people from my previous flight were also on this flight, and I apparently could run faster than them. 

*This year it was "cold", i.e., highs in the mid-70s. It does get legitimately nippy once the sun goes down, but it still doesn't require anything more than a light jacket. 

As I've mentioned before, plane rides are my prime movie-watching occasions, and I picked a winner this time: RRR. It's so badass. It might be the best action movie I've ever seen as an adult. On the flight home, I watched The Banshees of Inisherin, which is also quite good, if very different from RRR. In fact, I don't know that you could find two less similar movies. Actually, come to think of it, they both are largely about straight male companionship, so there's that. The main problem I had with Banshees is that I kept distracting myself: That's Colin Farrell, right? I mean, that's gotta be him. He looks so much older than I remember, and he's in costume as a 1920s Irish peasant, a large departure from his usual rakish playboy persona. It was really throwing me off, and I didn't have an internet connection, so I had to wait until the end credits to find out for sure.

Anyway, the conference was cool. I got to eat dinner with some friends who live in the area, and some colleagues and I wandered into a street fair one night that turned out to be pretty fun. I much prefer traveling west, as then the time change works in my favor. I'm just naturally on the correct schedule for a conference like this one. I go to sleep around 9:30 pm and wake up around 6:30 am. That's perfect for an event that starts at 8:30 am. One morning I even got up a bit earlier and went to the hotel gym for some weightlifting. I actually wanted to run, but I didn't want to get my shoes all sweaty and nasty, as I only brought one pair. (Plus, I averaged about 12,000 steps-per-day, just walking through the long corridors of the hotel/convention center.)

That's one good thing about workplaces and work events becoming less and less formal. It's easy to pack. I wore sneakers and jeans the entire time (nice sneakers and jeans) with a button-up shirt or a half-zip pullover. I could fit my entire wardrobe into a small duffle bag, which is the perfect carry-on because it can always be squeezed into an overhead bin. Some people take the informality a little too far, in my opinion -- I saw a guy there in a sleeveless tee, shorts, and flip-flops -- but that's better than being overly formal. I did wear a ball cap sometimes, but only outside at lunch because I would have burned my bald, pale head to crisp without it. I got a little red up top as it was.

The worst part about it all was coming back to DC, as I think I came down with some sort of bug along the way (not Covid). I woke up yesterday morning feeling hungover, even though I last drank a single beer Thursday evening. I was hoping I was just tired, but I kinda suspected I was getting sick. Indeed, by bedtime last night, I was full-on stuffed up with a sore throat and brutal sinus headache. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't get comfortable (a lot of tossing and turning), and then when I finally did, I slept until 10:30 am. I was annoyed at myself for sleeping so late, but then later in the afternoon I realized it was "spring ahead" today, so it actually wasn't that late.

Thankfully, S coincidentally already had a full day planned with the kids, so I didn't have to do much parenting today. We were all supposed to go to a baby-naming party, but I bagged out because of the whole not feeling well thing. I wouldn't say S was mad about it, but I could sense some annoyance. I think it's just spill-over from having the kids alone for a week. But whatever, I'm gone for maybe (maybe) 10 days a year; she's gone for like 50, so... yeah.

Alright a few pics and then that's a post.

 

Until next time...

Entry 653: Fitbits A Hit

We got the kids Fitbits recently, and they seem to really like them. Lil' S2 especially has become obsessed with measuring his daily step total. (It combines two things he likes -- movement and counting.) He regularly goes over 20,000 steps a day, sometimes breaking 25,000. That sounds crazy high to my adult ears. The average for an adult is around 2,500 steps per day, and 10,000 is the standard "trying to be healthy" goal. And he frequently doubles it. That's pure little boy energy. He gets in 2,000 -- 3,000 steps before we even leave the house for school in the morning. After breakfast, he'll usually just walk in a circle around our kitchen and living room until it's time to go.

Lil' S1 is not as hardcore (he usually gets 6,000 -- 7,000 a day), but I do think a Fitbit has helped him become a little more active. It's almost like a video game and your total steps is your score. Also, I started a new thing where if he wants screen time, he has to walk for 20 minutes. He willingly accepts the deal (and often proposes it himself), which is good, as there are few things that make you feel more like an overbearing parent than forcing your child to do physical activity. It's like you're Marv Marinovich, except your kid isn't going to make the NFL.

It's funny how two kids with basically the same upbringing can diverge so much in their interests and development. In our case, the simplistic breakdown is: Lil' S1 takes after S and Lil' S2 takes after me. It's not a perfect mapping, but it is a pretty good heuristic. An illustration of this is their weekly spelling tests. When Lil' S1 was his brother's age, he struggled mightily with these tests. Eventually he would learn the weekly list, but it would take an intense study session every night to do so. Lil' S1 memorizes the entire list perfectly in about ten minutes. We have a stack of tests on our fridge right now and all but one of them is a 100%.*

*I think it would be cool if Lil' S2 became a spelling champion. Indian-Americans dominate the ranks of the top spellers, and so it would be funny if people were like Oh, right, he's half-Indian. That makes sense. And then I'd be like No, that's his white side! I'm a much better speller than his mother!

On the flip-side, Lil' S1 is light-years ahead of his brother when it comes to navigating the world -- and it's not just because he's older. He's never been scared to talk to people, even adults, or try things on his own. An example of this occurred when we went to the library. Lil' S2 wanted a football book (like a little me), but he didn't know where to look, and he didn't want to ask the librarian (like a little -- and big -- me), so Lil' S1 is like I'll find it for you. And he just goes up to the front desk and asks.

That's totally an S characteristic -- getting what you want by having the gumption to ask for it. It seems like a simple skill, but it's not. I've never really had it. My strategy has been to get good at something and do it over and over until people eventually take notice. It's served me decently, but I think I could've done a lot more if I were a little more bold. It's why S makes more money than me.

And... as I'm writing this, Lil' S2 just came back home from his friend's birthday party. He was supposed to stay for two hours, but he only stayed for 30 minutes, and he didn't participate in the festivities (a video game truck). It's his neighborhood friend, and he spends almost every weekend day at his house, but because this kid is a grade below him, they don't hang out much at school. This birthday had a lot of the boy's school friends at it, and so since it was a different social dynamic, Lil' S2 felt uncomfortable and didn't want to stay. This is not a reaction Lil' S1 would be likely to have. (In fact, once he found out there was a video game truck there, he wanted to go to the party even though he wasn't invited. Ple-e-e-e-ase! I can just take my brother's place!)

Anyway...

In other news, "lab leak" is back in the public consciousness. Apparently, Covid did come from a lab after all -- according to some government agencies with "low confidence" at least. The correct answer here, in my opinion, is "maybe," followed by "we will likely never know for sure." But this news, along with a study suggesting that mask mandates don't work, provided yet more examples of how badly the powers-that-be got the Covid response so, so wrong. And this applies to both sides of the political aisle. The left foolishly insisted on super invasive, very unpopular and unhelpful (or in some cases downright harmful) measures such as mask mandates and school closures, while the right spread misinformation about Bill Gates controlling you with vaccines or whatever.

On the lab leak, I think far too many people fell victim to the "bad people have bad ideas" fallacy. Because this theory was pushed so heavily on the right by dipshits like Donald Trump and Steve Bannon and liberal foils like Tom Cotton, people on the left reflexively pushed back against it and called it xenophobic and racist. I don't think I need to point out why this is a fallacious way to form opinions. But I will. Not only is it a great way to consistently look stupid, it gives people you don't like way too much power over you. It's like a reverse form of mind control. It reminds me of a Robert Smith (lead singer of The Cure) quote about Morrisey (lead singer of The Smiths): “If Morrissey says not to eat meat, then I'm going to eat meat; that's how much I hate Morrissey." It's funny as a barb, but not so funny as a real-life practice.

On mask mandates, I think it very quickly became very obvious that they don't work. (I wrote about this a year ago.) I still believe masking done properly can reduce the spread of Covid, but not mask mandates. The reason for this is simple: people, even when mandated to do so, don't wear masks properly. Theoretically they could, but they don't.* And short of some sort of Chinese-style police-state enforcement, what can anybody do about it?

*It's not just selfishness or spite or what have you either. It's difficult even for well-intentioned people to follow mask mandates. You become complacent; you can't help it. Also, you have to take it off to eat or drink, which is a huge flaw with entire endeavor.

I think as a society we focused way too much on communal masking and not enough on personal masking. We would have been much better off instructing people on the best way to mask to keep themselves safe regardless of what others around them are doing. I know that masks are better at keeping others safe from the mask-wearer than they are at keeping the mask-wearer safe from others, but having to rely on others to keep you safe has the obvious downside of having to rely on others to keep you safe. A good mask worn properly at all times can still help protect you.

But we chose not to promote the "save yourself" narrative on masking, and I think I know why. It's a personal-responsibility messages, and the people who supported and implemented mask mandates (mainly liberals) mostly hate personal-responsibility messages. (They don't jibe well with the all-problems-in-life-are-caused-by-priviledged-people-oppressing-marginalized-communities mindset.) Paul Krugman used to talk about the "cult of selfishness" on the right, but I think now there is a "cult of the collective" on the left. Neither one coheres nicely with my normcore sensibilities.

Until next time...