"Childcare" is the watchword around my household these days. S is still on maternity leave and her mom is still visiting/helping out, but soon enough S will have to go back to work, and her mom with have to go back to her home in South Carolina, and then we will need somebody to watch Lil' S. We thought about daycare, but we couldn't find a decent daycare nearby; we thought about an au pair, but we don't really want to give up a section of our house to a stranger; we wanted to do a nanny share, but couldn't find one in our neighborhood; so, we decided to suck it up and hire our own nanny. I think we found our woman. She's really nice, she seems to do well with the baby, and most importantly she has excellent references. She's also affordable, by nanny standards, which means it's still going to cost an arm and a leg, but we can swing it as long as we both have jobs, and if it ever happens that we don't both have jobs, then we won't need a nanny, so in a way, it all works out. It's a reverse catch-22.
Speaking of nannies, for some reason I find the TV show "The Nanny" incredibly funny. Not the show itself -- I've never actually seen an episode -- but the concept of the show. Once in grad school, on a sweltering summer day, a fellow student walked into the math department from outside, dripping with sweat, and loudly proclaimed, "It's hotter than Fran Drescher outside!" Maybe you had to be there, but it was hysterical. Ever since then, "The Nanny" has been my go-to show whenever I'm making a joke whose punchline requires a stupid TV show. Considering it's been off the air for nearly 15 years, I should probably come up with a more recent joke show. "According to Jim" is a strong candidate, but I've heard it referenced mockingly several other times, so it's not original. What's a good show to use that's currently on the air, "Cougar Town"? Seems too obvious. I'll have to give it some thought.
In other news, the first presidential debate went down Wednesday night, and by all accounts it was a major loss for President Obama. I watched the entire thing and didn't think it was nearly as bad as everybody else, although I do think Romney "won". But it's a lot easier to "win" if you're willing to say anything to anybody at anytime, without regard to truth or principle, in an attempt to get the audience on your side. In addition to hammering Romney on his lack of specifics, which Obama did (although it was more like he lightly tapped Romney than hammered him), Obama should've continually hammered him on pandering to the audience. I would've called him a used car salesman. I would've brought up the 47% comments, brought up all his contradictions, and asked the audience why what he's saying tonight would be any different, but whatever...
The polls are already starting to swing for Romney, but the most recent jobs report was favorable for Obama, so who knows? Of course many Reps are claiming the jobs report was faked. Yep, that's where the GOP is at these days. They would rather denigrate non-partisan civil servants -- many of whom, I'm guessing, worked under the Bush administration, as well -- implicating them in a nearly-impossible, beyond-ludicrous (and probably illegal) fraud, than concede a tiny bit of good news for the country (the country in which they also reside) is legitimate, because this good news would help their political opponent. Look, if the American people are stupid enough to vote for these people then sadly we will get what we deserve. And if Obama can't stand up to this nonsense in an effective manner, and if he can't protect his dwindling, but still sizable lead, then sadly he probably doesn't deserve a second term.
I decided that I'm not going to watch the next debates. I might watch the VP debate just because Biden and Ryan are both nutty in their own ways, and it might be entertaining, but I'm done with the presidential debates. The first one was depressing, it wasn't informative, it was mostly boring, and when it wasn't boring it upset me. It's all downside, no upside, why put myself through that again?
It also caused me, albeit very indirectly, to royal screw myself Thursday evening. I was changing into my work-out clothes at the gym, deep in thought, pondering what I would've said if I were in Obama's shoes the night before (I annihilate Romney in my head, by the way). I locked my locker, went to grab the key, and... no key. I look all around the area, check all my pockets, it's nowhere to be found. I know exactly where it must be -- in my bag in the locked locker. I absentmindedly put it in there. Also in there are my wallet and my car keys. Luckily (this adverb is used in a very relative manner, here) I have my phone because I was planning on listening to a podcast while I exercised. At least I can still enjoy "The Dave Dameshek Football Program" while I'm stuck.
The main problem is that my gym is a small workout center on the lower level of an office building. It's not a gym gym. There's no staff around to help me. Adding to my trouble, the electronic badge to open the door to the gym is also in my bag, so if I leave I won't be able to get back in, unless somebody is in there to let me in. While there are still people there, I go out and track down a security guard and a janitor on the off chance they can help me -- maybe they have a bolt cutter or a hacksaw or something, my lock is pretty thin -- but alas they cannot. My next idea, which is not one of my finer ideas, if I do say so myself, is to wait for everybody to leave the gym (there are only two other people there), grab a thirty-pound dumbbell and smash my lock off. I have visions of The Chief in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" lifting the giant console, smashing the fenced window, and running to freedom, while a young Christopher Lloyd and Danny DeVito maniacally cheer him on.
So I wait for everybody to clear out, I take the dumbbell and smash my lock twice, hard, so hard that the metallic coating on the dumbbell where I stuck the lock chips off, there is a weird burning smell in the air, and my lock is hot. But it wasn't hard enough to bust it off. It's not even damaged. That thing is stronger than it looks. My next idea is to pry the locker open from the side using a handle attachment for the fly machine. I just want to get it open enough to get my hand in and grab my key. It's actually going OK, I'm getting a little separation, but then I get an impulse, it's a good impulse, it's one I've had before, it's a stay-out-of-trouble impulse. In order for me to create enough space to get my hand at my bag, I'm going to have to completely mutilate the wall of this locker, which I can probably eventually do, but this locker doesn't belong to me. I'm only allowed to use it because of where I work. If I destroy this property that is indirectly linked to my job, probably nothing happens, probably nobody will really care, probably nobody will even know, but on the off chance it does come back to me, it could end very badly. I stop. I've been stupid enough up to this point, time to do something smart (i.e., obvious) and salvage the situation. I Google a locksmith, call him, wait an hour, pay him $204 (robbery!), and he drills the lock off. Ugh... I finally get home at like 9:30. Terrible night. Of course when you have a little baby boy to come home to, it suddenly doesn't seem so terrible. Still, from now on, I'm only using combination locks.
OK, that's all. Until next time...
Speaking of nannies, for some reason I find the TV show "The Nanny" incredibly funny. Not the show itself -- I've never actually seen an episode -- but the concept of the show. Once in grad school, on a sweltering summer day, a fellow student walked into the math department from outside, dripping with sweat, and loudly proclaimed, "It's hotter than Fran Drescher outside!" Maybe you had to be there, but it was hysterical. Ever since then, "The Nanny" has been my go-to show whenever I'm making a joke whose punchline requires a stupid TV show. Considering it's been off the air for nearly 15 years, I should probably come up with a more recent joke show. "According to Jim" is a strong candidate, but I've heard it referenced mockingly several other times, so it's not original. What's a good show to use that's currently on the air, "Cougar Town"? Seems too obvious. I'll have to give it some thought.
[Look him! It's Hulk Hogan in a tutu.... hahahahaha! A man with big biceps trying to take care of kids! Yeah, right!]
In other news, the first presidential debate went down Wednesday night, and by all accounts it was a major loss for President Obama. I watched the entire thing and didn't think it was nearly as bad as everybody else, although I do think Romney "won". But it's a lot easier to "win" if you're willing to say anything to anybody at anytime, without regard to truth or principle, in an attempt to get the audience on your side. In addition to hammering Romney on his lack of specifics, which Obama did (although it was more like he lightly tapped Romney than hammered him), Obama should've continually hammered him on pandering to the audience. I would've called him a used car salesman. I would've brought up the 47% comments, brought up all his contradictions, and asked the audience why what he's saying tonight would be any different, but whatever...
The polls are already starting to swing for Romney, but the most recent jobs report was favorable for Obama, so who knows? Of course many Reps are claiming the jobs report was faked. Yep, that's where the GOP is at these days. They would rather denigrate non-partisan civil servants -- many of whom, I'm guessing, worked under the Bush administration, as well -- implicating them in a nearly-impossible, beyond-ludicrous (and probably illegal) fraud, than concede a tiny bit of good news for the country (the country in which they also reside) is legitimate, because this good news would help their political opponent. Look, if the American people are stupid enough to vote for these people then sadly we will get what we deserve. And if Obama can't stand up to this nonsense in an effective manner, and if he can't protect his dwindling, but still sizable lead, then sadly he probably doesn't deserve a second term.
[South Park. It's from 2004, but still applicable today.]
I decided that I'm not going to watch the next debates. I might watch the VP debate just because Biden and Ryan are both nutty in their own ways, and it might be entertaining, but I'm done with the presidential debates. The first one was depressing, it wasn't informative, it was mostly boring, and when it wasn't boring it upset me. It's all downside, no upside, why put myself through that again?
It also caused me, albeit very indirectly, to royal screw myself Thursday evening. I was changing into my work-out clothes at the gym, deep in thought, pondering what I would've said if I were in Obama's shoes the night before (I annihilate Romney in my head, by the way). I locked my locker, went to grab the key, and... no key. I look all around the area, check all my pockets, it's nowhere to be found. I know exactly where it must be -- in my bag in the locked locker. I absentmindedly put it in there. Also in there are my wallet and my car keys. Luckily (this adverb is used in a very relative manner, here) I have my phone because I was planning on listening to a podcast while I exercised. At least I can still enjoy "The Dave Dameshek Football Program" while I'm stuck.
So I wait for everybody to clear out, I take the dumbbell and smash my lock twice, hard, so hard that the metallic coating on the dumbbell where I stuck the lock chips off, there is a weird burning smell in the air, and my lock is hot. But it wasn't hard enough to bust it off. It's not even damaged. That thing is stronger than it looks. My next idea is to pry the locker open from the side using a handle attachment for the fly machine. I just want to get it open enough to get my hand in and grab my key. It's actually going OK, I'm getting a little separation, but then I get an impulse, it's a good impulse, it's one I've had before, it's a stay-out-of-trouble impulse. In order for me to create enough space to get my hand at my bag, I'm going to have to completely mutilate the wall of this locker, which I can probably eventually do, but this locker doesn't belong to me. I'm only allowed to use it because of where I work. If I destroy this property that is indirectly linked to my job, probably nothing happens, probably nobody will really care, probably nobody will even know, but on the off chance it does come back to me, it could end very badly. I stop. I've been stupid enough up to this point, time to do something smart (i.e., obvious) and salvage the situation. I Google a locksmith, call him, wait an hour, pay him $204 (robbery!), and he drills the lock off. Ugh... I finally get home at like 9:30. Terrible night. Of course when you have a little baby boy to come home to, it suddenly doesn't seem so terrible. Still, from now on, I'm only using combination locks.
OK, that's all. Until next time...
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