Holiday! Celebrate! It's almost over, but not yet. A few more hours -- don't short change me! It's been good, but the thing about holidays is that they usually mean less time to relax for me. During a normal workday, I can take fifteen minutes off here and there to listen to a podcast or do a crossword puzzle; during a holiday I can't because I have two little kids literally jumping all over me. Usually during Lil' S1's nap we let Lil' S2 watch the iPad so that we can have some peace and quiet, but even those moments have been stress-filled the past few days because we are trying to get Lil' S2 off the pacifier. It's been rough. That thing was such an amazing crutch. He would be bawling and screaming and refusing to go to sleep, and then we would pop a paci in his mouth, and he would instantly go down. It was unbelievable.
But they gotta go at some point -- or so everybody says. It's unclear to me what exactly the problem is with pacifiers. If he loves them so much, and they work so well, why not keep using them? He's only two -- it's not like he's 12. What the big deal? This is one of those things where you feel compelled to do something because everybody else is doing it. There's a stigma associated with pacifiers once a kid gets past, like, a year old, and I don't really understand why. Our daycare hates them. I asked the director why once, and she said it's because they screws up kids' teeth. Okay, but they're going to lose those teeth anyway, and the way we used a paci for Lil' S2 was to give it to him right bed or a nap, let him fall asleep and then take it out of his mouth. It's hard for me to see how this could do much orthodontic damage.
S is much more prone to the everybody-is-doing-it peer pressure than I am. A lot of it I just go along with because I don't want to argue about it. Another example: She became fixated on getting our kids to not drink out of sippy cups. This one I did actually push back on. The thing is, they only use sippy cups for milk, and it's entirely a matter or practicality -- if they drink out of a normal cup they inevitably spill little drops of their beverage all over the place. With water this isn't such a big deal, with milk it is. Lids just make sense. Adults use lids all the time. What's a coffee cup you get at Starbucks but a paper sippy cup?
I think I "won" this battle, as she has recently reverted back to using sippy cups and hasn't said anything about it. It's tough, though, S takes differences of opinions on these types of things very personally. Anything slightly critical is perceived as a harsh rebuke of her entire parenting philosophy. Now, to be fair, the mother is always unfairly judged way more harshly than the father when it comes to such matters. But also S is just sensitive -- it's part of her personality. Several times she's come home upset over something somebody said at work, and when she tells me about it, it sounds like a pretty standard, impersonal bit of work criticism. I'm probably the worst person to talk to about it, also, because I'm not great at "hand holding" and comfort, which is all she wants in venting to me. It's one of those ongoing struggles that's a part of any relationship.
In other news...
We had some people over for Thanksgiving, and it turned out to be really nice. We use to go to S's parents for the holiday, but recently we've done Xmas there instead. Last year we were here, just the four of us, so I cooked a full-on Thanksgiving meal -- turkey, stuffing, potatoes, the whole nine yards -- and then S ate just a few pieces of the turkey and the kids just kinda picked at it, so I ended up cooking a feast for one. This year, S's two good friends E and M hosted Thanksgiving at our place (they both live in small apartments), so I didn't have to cook at all, which was great. The whole day was a ton of fun -- it was me, S, M, E, E's boyfriend (maybe?) A, M's friend L, our friend J, and then the two boys. We even had a kids' table.
The only problem is that we way overdid it. I know that that's kinda the point of the holiday, but we overdid it even by the standards of a typical gluttonous Thanksgiving. For dessert we had two pumpkin pies, a sweet potato pie, a chocolate mousse cake, a cheesecake, flan, and ice cream. This is for seven adults and two kids! (And the kids would rather eat Starburst out of their Halloween stash, anyway.) And nobody wanted to take the leftover desserts home (Damn, health-conscious friends!), so we got stuck with them all. When the night was over, I took a look at everything, and said to S, "What the hell are we going to do with this? We have enough dessert to fill a diner display case!" We just chucked it. We saved one untouched pumpkin pie and tossed the rest. I felt super guilty about it -- I hate wasting food -- but it's not like you can donate half-eaten flan to a food bank. It's a bit irrational too because nobody needs pie to live. Those are empty calories, so it doesn't really matter if we dump them in the trash or I dump them down my gullet -- except in the latter case those wasted calories would be attaching themselves to my belly. So, from an overall utility standpoint, throwing them away is probably the right move, but it still doesn't feel right to be so wasteful.
The problem, of course, is that people feel compelled to bring something for everybody, and desserts are a relatively easy, popular choice. S and I agreed that if we do this again next year, we are going to be more organized about what people bring and more adamant about what people don't bring. If people want to bring extra, they can bring something that won't go bad -- wine is always a nice option.
Speaking of wine, maybe I will treat myself to a glass. I think we have an open bottle of red that I wouldn't want to go to waste. I had better get on that.
Until next time...
But they gotta go at some point -- or so everybody says. It's unclear to me what exactly the problem is with pacifiers. If he loves them so much, and they work so well, why not keep using them? He's only two -- it's not like he's 12. What the big deal? This is one of those things where you feel compelled to do something because everybody else is doing it. There's a stigma associated with pacifiers once a kid gets past, like, a year old, and I don't really understand why. Our daycare hates them. I asked the director why once, and she said it's because they screws up kids' teeth. Okay, but they're going to lose those teeth anyway, and the way we used a paci for Lil' S2 was to give it to him right bed or a nap, let him fall asleep and then take it out of his mouth. It's hard for me to see how this could do much orthodontic damage.
[If there is one premise that will never get old, it's somebody who looks like Vin Diesel trying to be a nanny. Look at how strong he is -- he must be clueless about taking care of kids!]
S is much more prone to the everybody-is-doing-it peer pressure than I am. A lot of it I just go along with because I don't want to argue about it. Another example: She became fixated on getting our kids to not drink out of sippy cups. This one I did actually push back on. The thing is, they only use sippy cups for milk, and it's entirely a matter or practicality -- if they drink out of a normal cup they inevitably spill little drops of their beverage all over the place. With water this isn't such a big deal, with milk it is. Lids just make sense. Adults use lids all the time. What's a coffee cup you get at Starbucks but a paper sippy cup?
I think I "won" this battle, as she has recently reverted back to using sippy cups and hasn't said anything about it. It's tough, though, S takes differences of opinions on these types of things very personally. Anything slightly critical is perceived as a harsh rebuke of her entire parenting philosophy. Now, to be fair, the mother is always unfairly judged way more harshly than the father when it comes to such matters. But also S is just sensitive -- it's part of her personality. Several times she's come home upset over something somebody said at work, and when she tells me about it, it sounds like a pretty standard, impersonal bit of work criticism. I'm probably the worst person to talk to about it, also, because I'm not great at "hand holding" and comfort, which is all she wants in venting to me. It's one of those ongoing struggles that's a part of any relationship.
In other news...
We had some people over for Thanksgiving, and it turned out to be really nice. We use to go to S's parents for the holiday, but recently we've done Xmas there instead. Last year we were here, just the four of us, so I cooked a full-on Thanksgiving meal -- turkey, stuffing, potatoes, the whole nine yards -- and then S ate just a few pieces of the turkey and the kids just kinda picked at it, so I ended up cooking a feast for one. This year, S's two good friends E and M hosted Thanksgiving at our place (they both live in small apartments), so I didn't have to cook at all, which was great. The whole day was a ton of fun -- it was me, S, M, E, E's boyfriend (maybe?) A, M's friend L, our friend J, and then the two boys. We even had a kids' table.
The only problem is that we way overdid it. I know that that's kinda the point of the holiday, but we overdid it even by the standards of a typical gluttonous Thanksgiving. For dessert we had two pumpkin pies, a sweet potato pie, a chocolate mousse cake, a cheesecake, flan, and ice cream. This is for seven adults and two kids! (And the kids would rather eat Starburst out of their Halloween stash, anyway.) And nobody wanted to take the leftover desserts home (Damn, health-conscious friends!), so we got stuck with them all. When the night was over, I took a look at everything, and said to S, "What the hell are we going to do with this? We have enough dessert to fill a diner display case!" We just chucked it. We saved one untouched pumpkin pie and tossed the rest. I felt super guilty about it -- I hate wasting food -- but it's not like you can donate half-eaten flan to a food bank. It's a bit irrational too because nobody needs pie to live. Those are empty calories, so it doesn't really matter if we dump them in the trash or I dump them down my gullet -- except in the latter case those wasted calories would be attaching themselves to my belly. So, from an overall utility standpoint, throwing them away is probably the right move, but it still doesn't feel right to be so wasteful.
[Believe it or not, I think Thursday was the first time I've ever had sweet potato pie. Actually, that's very believable considering I'm a white guy who grew up about as far from The South as you can possible get and still be in the contiguous United States]
The problem, of course, is that people feel compelled to bring something for everybody, and desserts are a relatively easy, popular choice. S and I agreed that if we do this again next year, we are going to be more organized about what people bring and more adamant about what people don't bring. If people want to bring extra, they can bring something that won't go bad -- wine is always a nice option.
Speaking of wine, maybe I will treat myself to a glass. I think we have an open bottle of red that I wouldn't want to go to waste. I had better get on that.
Until next time...
I have a suggestion for your next potluck--in addition to coordinating dishes let it be known you don't have the space for leftovers and therefore will be sending home anything that is not consumed with the person who brought it. On your other topic, I agree with you about the whole paci thing not being a big deal at his age. The American Dental Association says it can cause problems after the age of 4, but most kids naturally give them up before then. We waited until Grant was around 3 and then gradually stopped offering it. It was a fairly painless process and I think it's because he was ready to give it up anyway. I get where your day care is coming from though. Having worked at one I can tell you the real reason they hate pacifiers is because they are responsible for keeping track of them and making sure they are clean and only used by their owners which is an impossible task. They should have just told you they can't guarantee it won't get lost, disgusting, or shared, but I can see why they are go with the teeth thing since most parents probably don't push back on health issues.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the thing is though our daycare doesn't allow pacifiers at all except for infants, so Lil' S2 couldn't use one there. But every now and then he'd have one in the car and I would forget to take it out until we got into the daycare and the workers acted like it was a form of child abuse. There's a stigma with them that I don't completely understand.
ReplyDelete