The other morning I noticed one of my car tires was running low on air, so I pulled into a gas station to fill it up on my way to work. The entrance I used put me at a weird angle with the air pump, so I had to straighten up a bit to pull in properly, and just as I did so, another car came around the corner and took my spot at the pump -- pulled right in front of me, as I was just about to nuzzle up to the pump, like the Seinfeld episode when George gets his parking spot stolen. The driver of the car, however, was not trying to be rude or cut me off or anything like that. She used a different entrance than I used and couldn't even really see me approaching the pump. She legitimately got there first -- she beat me to the punch by a few seconds. I was annoyed, of course, but I had no beef with the driver.
What made things more annoying is that a few other cars pulled into some nearby pumps blocking my only exit from the gas station other than going through the space by the pump, which is currently occupied by the first car. So, I'm totally stuck. At this point, I would prefer to just leave. There is another gas station I can use down the street, and it's super uncomfortable to sit there and watch her while she services her car. I would hate to have somebody breathing down my neck like that -- and who knows what's wrong with it? Maybe she has to do more than just quickly put some air in the tires. But I'm hemmed in, just wait behind her.
She get outs of her car, and immediately I get the sense that she doesn't know what she's doing. The scenario I've concocted in my head is that the light on her dashboard went on, and she thought Oh, crap, 'low tire pressure', what's this all about? and now she has to figure it out on the fly. I've concocted this scenario because it's what happened to me a few months ago. (One of my car tires has a slow leak in it, but still has good tread, so I've been debating whether or not I should replace it, which means replacing all the tires, or just fill it up every so often; thus far I've gone with the short-term cheaper, latter option.) But also maybe I'm being biased because she's a conventionally attractive woman in her late twenties or early thirties. You know, because hot chicks obviously don't know anything about cars.
Unfortunately, as she gets out of her car and starts to service it, the probability of my stereotype being accurate increases dramatically. The air pump is one of those newfangled ones, with a little computer screen, where you set the desired air pressure, and then it beeps when it reaches that pressure. And it seems likely to me that she doesn't understand how it works. For one thing, she took a pressure gauge out of her glove box, which she doesn't need because it's built into the pump. For another thing, she never set her desired PSI, so it's at the default, which is only 25 PSI -- most tires need 35-45 PSI to be fully inflated. So, she keeps putting the hose on her tire, and it keeps immediately stopping because it's already at 25 PSI. She can't figure out what's going on; she's using her gauge to measure the pressure, but it's not going up.
By the way, it's not her fault that she doesn't know how to use this machine. If there are instructions, they aren't prominently located, and it's not like "Air Pump 101" is a high school requirement. The only reason I know how it works is because I've done it before. At first I did the exact same thing she's doing now, and then through trial-and-error, I figured it out. However, I didn't have somebody looking over my shoulder when I was making the errors. If I did, I might have just gotten into my car and driven away to another gas station -- which is kinda what I wish she would do at this point. But I also kinda want to help her, because I think she needs help, and I like helping people -- it feels good.
So, I'm not sure how to play it. I don't want to fluster her by just sitting in my car staring at her, and I also would like to leave, because sitting in a parked car at a gas station is not a particularly enjoyable activity for me. But I'm hesitant to get out and start "mansplaining" this air pump to her. What if she actually knows what's going on, and it's my own ignorance -- which is vast when it comes to cars -- that is preventing me from seeing this? What if she's doing something different from what I think she's doing, and she's doing it right? It seems unlikely, but it's definitely possible. So, instead of getting out, I open up a Sporcle quiz on my phone and start trying to name the top-50 home run hitters in Chicago Cubs history -- Sammy Sosa, Ernie Banks, Ryne Sandberg...
After five minutes, I've named 42 of the 50, and time runs out, both on my game and on her pump. Her tire still is low. When she goes back into the glove box and gets the manual, I finally figure, Okay, enough is enough; I'm going out; I don't think she knows what she's doing; if I'm wrong and I'm a mansplainer, so be it; at least I will be at work on time. So, I get out, and, in my least condescending manner possible (which still might be kinda condescending), I tell her how to use the pump. She thanks me, scans her credit card again, sets the appropriate PSI, fills up her tire in about 30 seconds, and goes on her way. I then pull up and use the rest of her time to fill up my tires, and that's that. I saved $1.50!
I was thinking about this, and I realized I don't like calling out guys for mansplaining. It's not because it hurts my feelings as a man or because it's feminism run amok or any other "men's rights" garbage like that. It's because it provides a disincentive for explanation, when, in my opinion, we should be doing the exact opposite as a society. Over-explaining is not that big of a sin, especially given the alternative. I've been many in situations like the one above, where crucial information doesn't get relayed properly, because somebody assumes somebody else knows already knows something they don't know or doesn't say something because they don't want to be condescending. It's an annoying social norm. You hear people say, "So-and-so was treating me like I'm idiot!" and it's always assumed to be a bad thing, but sometimes you need to be treated like an idiot. I'm often grateful when people treat me like an idiot, because I usually get all the information I need, and I know exactly what to do. And if I already knew it, so what? Why is hearing what you already know such a terrible thing? Why is that so offensive? I'm not saying I'm pro-condescension, but I'm definitely anti-anti-condescension.
Now, I get that mansplaining is not really about explanation at all. It's about power. The purpose is to belittle somebody because they're a woman, not to inform them. But can't we just call that being a sexist jerk? Being a sexist jerk is bad; over-explaining something to somebody, of any gender, is not that bad. In fact, often times it's beneficial. That's my hot take for the week: We should all mansplain everything to everybody.
Until next time...
What made things more annoying is that a few other cars pulled into some nearby pumps blocking my only exit from the gas station other than going through the space by the pump, which is currently occupied by the first car. So, I'm totally stuck. At this point, I would prefer to just leave. There is another gas station I can use down the street, and it's super uncomfortable to sit there and watch her while she services her car. I would hate to have somebody breathing down my neck like that -- and who knows what's wrong with it? Maybe she has to do more than just quickly put some air in the tires. But I'm hemmed in, just wait behind her.
She get outs of her car, and immediately I get the sense that she doesn't know what she's doing. The scenario I've concocted in my head is that the light on her dashboard went on, and she thought Oh, crap, 'low tire pressure', what's this all about? and now she has to figure it out on the fly. I've concocted this scenario because it's what happened to me a few months ago. (One of my car tires has a slow leak in it, but still has good tread, so I've been debating whether or not I should replace it, which means replacing all the tires, or just fill it up every so often; thus far I've gone with the short-term cheaper, latter option.) But also maybe I'm being biased because she's a conventionally attractive woman in her late twenties or early thirties. You know, because hot chicks obviously don't know anything about cars.
Unfortunately, as she gets out of her car and starts to service it, the probability of my stereotype being accurate increases dramatically. The air pump is one of those newfangled ones, with a little computer screen, where you set the desired air pressure, and then it beeps when it reaches that pressure. And it seems likely to me that she doesn't understand how it works. For one thing, she took a pressure gauge out of her glove box, which she doesn't need because it's built into the pump. For another thing, she never set her desired PSI, so it's at the default, which is only 25 PSI -- most tires need 35-45 PSI to be fully inflated. So, she keeps putting the hose on her tire, and it keeps immediately stopping because it's already at 25 PSI. She can't figure out what's going on; she's using her gauge to measure the pressure, but it's not going up.
By the way, it's not her fault that she doesn't know how to use this machine. If there are instructions, they aren't prominently located, and it's not like "Air Pump 101" is a high school requirement. The only reason I know how it works is because I've done it before. At first I did the exact same thing she's doing now, and then through trial-and-error, I figured it out. However, I didn't have somebody looking over my shoulder when I was making the errors. If I did, I might have just gotten into my car and driven away to another gas station -- which is kinda what I wish she would do at this point. But I also kinda want to help her, because I think she needs help, and I like helping people -- it feels good.
So, I'm not sure how to play it. I don't want to fluster her by just sitting in my car staring at her, and I also would like to leave, because sitting in a parked car at a gas station is not a particularly enjoyable activity for me. But I'm hesitant to get out and start "mansplaining" this air pump to her. What if she actually knows what's going on, and it's my own ignorance -- which is vast when it comes to cars -- that is preventing me from seeing this? What if she's doing something different from what I think she's doing, and she's doing it right? It seems unlikely, but it's definitely possible. So, instead of getting out, I open up a Sporcle quiz on my phone and start trying to name the top-50 home run hitters in Chicago Cubs history -- Sammy Sosa, Ernie Banks, Ryne Sandberg...
After five minutes, I've named 42 of the 50, and time runs out, both on my game and on her pump. Her tire still is low. When she goes back into the glove box and gets the manual, I finally figure, Okay, enough is enough; I'm going out; I don't think she knows what she's doing; if I'm wrong and I'm a mansplainer, so be it; at least I will be at work on time. So, I get out, and, in my least condescending manner possible (which still might be kinda condescending), I tell her how to use the pump. She thanks me, scans her credit card again, sets the appropriate PSI, fills up her tire in about 30 seconds, and goes on her way. I then pull up and use the rest of her time to fill up my tires, and that's that. I saved $1.50!
I was thinking about this, and I realized I don't like calling out guys for mansplaining. It's not because it hurts my feelings as a man or because it's feminism run amok or any other "men's rights" garbage like that. It's because it provides a disincentive for explanation, when, in my opinion, we should be doing the exact opposite as a society. Over-explaining is not that big of a sin, especially given the alternative. I've been many in situations like the one above, where crucial information doesn't get relayed properly, because somebody assumes somebody else knows already knows something they don't know or doesn't say something because they don't want to be condescending. It's an annoying social norm. You hear people say, "So-and-so was treating me like I'm idiot!" and it's always assumed to be a bad thing, but sometimes you need to be treated like an idiot. I'm often grateful when people treat me like an idiot, because I usually get all the information I need, and I know exactly what to do. And if I already knew it, so what? Why is hearing what you already know such a terrible thing? Why is that so offensive? I'm not saying I'm pro-condescension, but I'm definitely anti-anti-condescension.
Now, I get that mansplaining is not really about explanation at all. It's about power. The purpose is to belittle somebody because they're a woman, not to inform them. But can't we just call that being a sexist jerk? Being a sexist jerk is bad; over-explaining something to somebody, of any gender, is not that bad. In fact, often times it's beneficial. That's my hot take for the week: We should all mansplain everything to everybody.
Until next time...
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ReplyDeleteHere's my womansplanation of how to avoid accidentally mansplaining: Before offering any advice first ask, "would you like some help/instructions?" If the answer is "no" immediately back off. If the answer is "yes" follow up with "how familiar are you with the topic/object/situation." Once you have listened THEN you can pass on your supplemental knowledge.
ReplyDeleteYes, sage advice.
Delete