Exceptionally rough week, this one. More so for S than me, I think, but if your spouse has a bad week, then you pretty much have a bad week too. It’s the usual crush of pandemic life, but it is made so much worse by it being winter. It snowed today, and not that nice, big, fluffy snow, but that gray, gravelly, depressing snow that has all the downside of snow (cold, wet, difficult to travel in) and none of the upside (beautiful, cozy, fun to play in). So, our kids are cooped up inside all day, with two other “pod” kids, taking virtual classes (in theory), while S and I try to work. It’s a bit maddening. We have a babysitter who bravely trekked up here from her home in Southeast DC, so that’s helpful, but it is still super chaotic.
And probably no less risky than sending our kids back to school. That's the kicker. We got a questionnaire back in August about whether or not we were comfortable as parents with full-time in-person learning for our children, and I responded in the affirmative, because without school, I knew parents would form these makeshift pods, in which they and their kids would cross-pollenate constantly. From the standpoint of society at large, I suspect this is only marginally safer, if at all, than just totally opening up the classroom.
But the issue is not overall risk, it’s risk to the teachers specifically, and I get that – a lot of teachers are elderly and/or have comorbidities, and it sucks that they have to bear the brunt of a pandemic that isn’t their fault, but… that’s where we are. Also – and this is an important point – we could open schools in a manner that reduces risks as much as possible – masks, distancing, outdoor classes, testing, automatic vaccine signup for teachers, etc. It’s got to get done, and it’s got to get done relatively quickly. I’ve been reading about how Republicans running for office around the country are going to use “Democrats’ failed to reopen schools” as a campaign talking point. This could absolutely work for them as an issue if schools don’t reopen soon; it could also completely flop if schools do reopen soon. President Biden certainly recognizes this, but he's not in charge of opening schools at the local level.
As always, I try to have perspective, and things are still better for our family than for many others. I mean, just look at what’s going on in Texas. But “having perspective” only works to a point and can sometimes make things worse, because you feel bad about feeling bad, which makes you feel even worse. The truth is, we all have problems, and they don’t magically go away because somebody somewhere has it worse. Also, people struggle mentally and emotionally for different reasons, and we often can’t recognize it in others, or don’t understand it when we do, so what might seem like a better situation is actually not better at all. Everybody is trying to deal with this pandemic in their own way, and some people are doing better at it than others, and it's not completely determined by how outwardly easy or difficult it might look to others.
One thing I've come to learn is that S and I have different coping strategies, which can cause tension sometimes (though we're getting along pretty well, all things considered). She starts feeling claustrophobic and just wants to do something – get a cottage in the woods, visit her sister, go see her parents (who’ve been vaccinated). I’m the opposite – I go into “bunker mode.” I just want to hunker down and wait it out. It’s not even really about fear of getting sick. You can travel in a relatively safe manner if you’re diligent about it. It’s just a mindset. There's some logic to it, obviously, but it’s not completely rationally, and I can’t completely explain it. As you can probably imagine, this all makes for some interesting “discussions” between S and I.
On the plus side, I’m back at (virtual) Krav Maga. The self-defense aspect of it is very silly over Zoom -- it’s impossible to drill against an attacker by yourself -- but it’s a really good workout. I need that in my day, both to combat my expanding waistline, and to mentally “flush the system,” so to speak. Vigorous exercise really helps me expunge the emotional toxins that build up throughout my day. In less new-agey parlance, it’s an effective way to reduce stress. And I’ve come to realize I need the structure and accountability of a group setting to really reap those benefits. It just doesn’t work as well when I exercise on my own.
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