I've been thinking a lot about aging these days. In part, it's because it's a hot topic in the news. In part, it's because I'm training to take the test to level-up in Krav Maga, which has made me even more acutely aware than usual of my gradual, but inevitable physical decline. (I'm fighting it tooth and nail, though -- believe you me!) In part, it's because I've been reading a lot of my parents' Storyworth stories about their past selves, which naturally makes me think of the passage of time.* In part, it's because of an email that came through on the listserv for parents of children at Lil' S2's elementary school.
*One thing that is a total trip is thinking back to events I remember
very well and doing the math and realizing my parents were significantly
younger than I am now when they occurred.
My kids' district does a thing for the 100th day of the school year: Dress like you're 100 years old. Kids are encouraged to come to school wearing "old people's" clothes -- thick glasses, old-time trousers and nylons, shawls and flat caps, etc. It’s a fun little thing to do, like PJ Day (which I've never liked) or Silly Socks Day or what have you. To be honest, I didn't even know our district did this until last week, and that's only because a woman posted a message to the listserv -- a listserv, mind you, that is used almost exclusively for school logistics; it's not a place where people typically air grievances or voice political opinions -- averring that having kids dress like they are 100 years old "feels quite ageist, and by extension, can be ableist as well." Later she says that she told her children that they were not allowed to participate because "it was not respectful to our elders to treat their age as a costume (any more than it would be to treat race or sexuality or other types of identity as a costume)."
My first thought upon reading this was Obama saying a few years ago that Democrats need to stop being buzzkills. This, I believe, is the exact type of thing he was referring to. There is a strong tendency among folks on the left* to turn everything into an offense against a marginalized community. It's like we should never feel too good about things, or we become complacent about how terrible our society actually is. It's very puritanical, in it's way: We mustn't ever feel good, lest we forget our sins.
*I'm making an assumption that this woman is on the left politically because clearly she is. Although, it would be hilarious if I later find out she's a hardcore Trump supporter.
My second thought was Have you seen little kids dress up like old people? It's frickin' adorable! Then I remembered that my niece's school district actually does this same thing, and I had pictures of her from my sister-in-law, so I went back and looked at them, and they are in fact the cutest damn thing you've ever seen. My dad, who is pushing 75, commented on the pics, and surprisingly he didn't mention anything about his identity being treated as a costume. He actually said the pictures were "so much fun" and really "brightened up [his] day." So, here's a thought experiment: If you took a random sample of 100 senior citizens who live in a school district that does this type of 100-day celebration, and you showed them pictures of the kids dressed up as old people. How many of them would respond like my dad? 60? 70? 80? How many of them would be offended by kids using their identity as a costume? If you set the over-under at 5, I would probably take the under.
The thing is, age is not really an "identity" in the sense it is used today, and if it is, it's not one that any group "owns," because we all will be old someday, or we will die young, which is way worse (despite what Roger Daltrey -- who, by the way, will turn 80 in a few weeks -- might say). Given the alternative, being old is one of the greatest privileges a human can experience. Of course, old people can be, and sometimes are, discriminated against, but that's true of literally any definable group of people. And that's clearly not what's going on here. Kids dressing up like old people is just goofing off and being silly. It's poking fun at aging, I suppose, but everybody has license to poke fun at aging, the same way everybody has
license to poke fun at death. Getting old and dying is the ultimate
joke, and it's a joke on all of us. I don't see how it's at all apt to compare age with race or sexuality as the listserv poster did.
Plus, the kids aren't even dressing up like actual old people who are alive today. They are dressing up like old people from 70 years ago. I mean, my dad dresses pretty much the same way I do. In fact, sometimes I look in the mirror and startle myself, because I see my dad in it. Actual old people don't dress like they are from the 1940s. They pretty much just dress like every other adult does today, so the kids' "costumes" aren't even of people who are alive today. Complaining about this seems quite ridiculous to me.
But that's okay.
There is nothing wrong with being ridiculous. We are all ridiculous about certain things. I bet at least a quarter of the content on this blog is me complaining about things that make everybody else roll their eyes. So, I have absolutely no issue with somebody finding kids dressing up like old people distasteful. What I do take issue with, however, is somebody trying to stop it for everybody and for calling out others for participating -- and that's what this woman did. She contacted the district chancellor and encouraged others to do the same so that "we can begin to change this practice." And then she concluded saying that she meant "no shame," but that we should take her thoughts into consideration because this was one of the "subtle forms of discrimination" in our society today.
Nobody responded to her post, and I hope the chancellor doesn't act on her complaint. S said that she appreciated the last part, but I thought it was kinda condescending. A better way to show you don't mean any shame is to just not post anything at all. You could just think not my cup of tea and move on. Nobody is forcing your children to participate. In general, we need more not my cup of tea-ism. There's no moral imperative for us to speak out against everything that rubs us the slightest bit the wrong way. You gotta pick your battles, and if one of your battles is preventing kids from make-believing they're old people, then you need to pick new battles.
What this listserv poster should have done is written this letter, and then started an anonymous(ish) blog and posted it there. That's the way you do it.
Alright, I think that's way more than enough on that topic.
Until next time...
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