There are certain aspects of society in the '80s -- when I did most my growing -- that seem so out of date by today's standards that it's as if they happened, not a mere three decades ago, but in a different century.* I'm not talking about profound things like how we have a black president now (unimaginable back then) or gay rights or the explosion of computing power and the rise of the Internet and cell phones and all that. I'm talking about small simple things. Here are a few.
1. Cars used to break down all the time. It seems like throughout my childhood there was always some discussion among my parents over which car could actually be used and for what. We once had a broken-down car sit in our driveway for, I dunno, five years? Ten years? It was a long time -- so long, the car literally grew vegetation. I remember driving up to a Mariners game once and having my car (i.e., the car my parents let me drive) die in the Kingdome parking lot. And my friends and I had to find a payphone in a not-so-great area of Seattle and call somebody to pick us up. That sort of thing just doesn't really happen today. Cars have somewhat quietly become super reliable. There's almost no such thing as shitty car anymore. It's kinda weird.
2. Normal people could be shown smoking in movies and on TV. I caught 30 seconds of Ghostbusters the other night and was reminded that they smoked cigarettes throughout the entire movie. That would never happen today. For some reason, smoking has ascended beyond the realm of bad habit and into something only Voldemort would do.* The heroes of a Hollywood blockbuster would not smoke today. TV is the same way. You can have shows on prime-time network TV depicting murder and rape, but you won't see any protagonists with cigarettes in their mouths.
3. Thai food wasn't a thing. I don't think I had heard of Thai food until I was about 16. Asking somebody if they wanted Thai food back then, would've been like asking somebody if they wanted Liechtensteinian food today. If just wouldn't have made sense. Among Asian cuisines, there was Chinese and sushi (if you were really fancy) that was it.
4. The notion of men trying to care for children was hysterical. This phenomenon was captured in at least two popular films: Mr. Mom and Three Men and a Lady. The absurdity isn't so much that men are obviously bad at child-rearing (although that is absurd), it's that the mere act of being left alone with children turned men into complete retreads. Tasks requiring nothing more than an IQ above the first percentile and basic motor skills were suddenly too much for otherwise capable men. In actuality, diapers are pretty easy to put on, even if you've never done it before. Likewise turning on a vacuum cleaning isn't something you need training in. But for moviegoers in the '80s, it was enjoyable to watch everymen like Michael Keaton and Steve Guettenberg bungle these simple chores. Or maybe it wasn't and people just didn't have anything better to do back then but watch bad movies.
The latter item is especially relevant to me right now because S is out of town for the second night in a row, so I've been on my own with the little guy. I'm happy to report that I was able to give him a bath tonight without him escaping from the house and running around the yard naked. He did me pretty wet though. His baths used to consist of us dumping water on him from a bucket. But now he's able to dump it on himself, and he's started wanting you to do whatever he's doing (like he'll try to feed me his food when he eats), so he dumped a cup of water on my knee. Like a filled-to-the-brim cup of water. But the joke's on him. I wanted to put those pants in the wash anyway.
S is coming back tomorrow, thankfully. (Just because I can take care of him all by myself, doesn't mean I want to do it.) She had to make a quick trip to South Carolina to return her parents car; we borrowed it for the winter. The DMV started getting up our ass about having it parked on the street for an extended period of time without DC plates, and they will tow it or put a boot on it, so we had to get it out of here ASAP. We wanted to store it at a friend's place with a driveway, but we realized that we don't actually have any friend with a driveway in the area. (It's times like this I miss the suburbs.) So S had to make the drive down south.
Actually, it's good practice, as in a month S is going to be leaving for three weeks to Africa for work. That's when my childcare skills are really going to get tested. Although, S's mom is going to come up to help me out, so that will be nice. She's excellent help. She always wants to watch him; she's a terrific cook; and she doesn't talk too much. It's perfect.
Anyway ...
In other news -- sporting news -- I won my office March Madness pool for the second year in a row. It's kind of a big deal. They've been doing it for like 15 years, and people get really into it. Each year the winner gets a little trophy with his or her name on it, and it's put on display above the copy machine so everybody can see it. I'm the first person to win two years in a row. That's mad respect, bro.
I don't even follow college basketball until the tournament. But I've developed a simple ranking algorithm using Nate Silver's win probabilities, and I just use that every year. My goal is to break the game by always winning. I like the money (about $150), but really it's about the pride. The pride of being the best at a game based on a game played by 19-year olds I don't know and have no connection to whatsoever. It's awesome.
And with that. Until next time ...
*Yes, I'm aware the 1980s were in a different century. Don't get smart with me. You know what I'm saying.
**I hope this reference makes sense. I quit reading Harry Potter after the first book. My thoughts on it can be summed up thus, "Yep, it's a story about a kid wizard alright."
1. Cars used to break down all the time. It seems like throughout my childhood there was always some discussion among my parents over which car could actually be used and for what. We once had a broken-down car sit in our driveway for, I dunno, five years? Ten years? It was a long time -- so long, the car literally grew vegetation. I remember driving up to a Mariners game once and having my car (i.e., the car my parents let me drive) die in the Kingdome parking lot. And my friends and I had to find a payphone in a not-so-great area of Seattle and call somebody to pick us up. That sort of thing just doesn't really happen today. Cars have somewhat quietly become super reliable. There's almost no such thing as shitty car anymore. It's kinda weird.
[My first car. Not the actual car, but the same make and model.]
3. Thai food wasn't a thing. I don't think I had heard of Thai food until I was about 16. Asking somebody if they wanted Thai food back then, would've been like asking somebody if they wanted Liechtensteinian food today. If just wouldn't have made sense. Among Asian cuisines, there was Chinese and sushi (if you were really fancy) that was it.
4. The notion of men trying to care for children was hysterical. This phenomenon was captured in at least two popular films: Mr. Mom and Three Men and a Lady. The absurdity isn't so much that men are obviously bad at child-rearing (although that is absurd), it's that the mere act of being left alone with children turned men into complete retreads. Tasks requiring nothing more than an IQ above the first percentile and basic motor skills were suddenly too much for otherwise capable men. In actuality, diapers are pretty easy to put on, even if you've never done it before. Likewise turning on a vacuum cleaning isn't something you need training in. But for moviegoers in the '80s, it was enjoyable to watch everymen like Michael Keaton and Steve Guettenberg bungle these simple chores. Or maybe it wasn't and people just didn't have anything better to do back then but watch bad movies.
The latter item is especially relevant to me right now because S is out of town for the second night in a row, so I've been on my own with the little guy. I'm happy to report that I was able to give him a bath tonight without him escaping from the house and running around the yard naked. He did me pretty wet though. His baths used to consist of us dumping water on him from a bucket. But now he's able to dump it on himself, and he's started wanting you to do whatever he's doing (like he'll try to feed me his food when he eats), so he dumped a cup of water on my knee. Like a filled-to-the-brim cup of water. But the joke's on him. I wanted to put those pants in the wash anyway.
S is coming back tomorrow, thankfully. (Just because I can take care of him all by myself, doesn't mean I want to do it.) She had to make a quick trip to South Carolina to return her parents car; we borrowed it for the winter. The DMV started getting up our ass about having it parked on the street for an extended period of time without DC plates, and they will tow it or put a boot on it, so we had to get it out of here ASAP. We wanted to store it at a friend's place with a driveway, but we realized that we don't actually have any friend with a driveway in the area. (It's times like this I miss the suburbs.) So S had to make the drive down south.
Actually, it's good practice, as in a month S is going to be leaving for three weeks to Africa for work. That's when my childcare skills are really going to get tested. Although, S's mom is going to come up to help me out, so that will be nice. She's excellent help. She always wants to watch him; she's a terrific cook; and she doesn't talk too much. It's perfect.
Anyway ...
In other news -- sporting news -- I won my office March Madness pool for the second year in a row. It's kind of a big deal. They've been doing it for like 15 years, and people get really into it. Each year the winner gets a little trophy with his or her name on it, and it's put on display above the copy machine so everybody can see it. I'm the first person to win two years in a row. That's mad respect, bro.
[U. Conn. was the team that helped my bracket the most.]
I don't even follow college basketball until the tournament. But I've developed a simple ranking algorithm using Nate Silver's win probabilities, and I just use that every year. My goal is to break the game by always winning. I like the money (about $150), but really it's about the pride. The pride of being the best at a game based on a game played by 19-year olds I don't know and have no connection to whatsoever. It's awesome.
And with that. Until next time ...
*Yes, I'm aware the 1980s were in a different century. Don't get smart with me. You know what I'm saying.
**I hope this reference makes sense. I quit reading Harry Potter after the first book. My thoughts on it can be summed up thus, "Yep, it's a story about a kid wizard alright."
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