I don’t know the official stages of grief, but I’m pretty sure “acceptance” is one of them. That’s where I’m at right now. I’ve accepted that things are going to suck for a while, and there is not much I can do about it. I accepted that there is going to be a black cloud hanging over me (and most the nation) for – who knows how long? A month? A year? Two years? Four years? I don't know. But I do know that every time I think a good thought, it’s quickly purged from my head by the same terrible thought.
“Yes! The Seahawks beat the Patriots! ... (But Trump is going to be president.)”
“Mmm, these nachos are pretty good… (But Trump is going to be president.)”
“Ha! Lil’ S2 is so cute dancing to music… (But Trump is going to be president.)”
It’s like there is a little orange devil sitting on my shoulder, who pokes me in the brain with his trident as soon as I start to feel the slightest bit happy. And he’s not going away anytime soon. I can’t get rid of him. I just have to wait for him to die on his own. He will die. I will feel better. I was sad when George Bush won in 2004 (though not nearly at the same level), but it’s not like my life sucked the next four years. Those were pretty fun times for me, truth be told. So things will get better* – at least until Trump’s policies actually start to take hold…
I’ve been trying to walk the fine line between staying informed and staying sane. One underrated, shitty aspect about Trump’s election is that it ruins news. I've become a bit of a political news junkie. I read a lot about politics online; I binge read The New Yorker every few weeks; and I listen to five or six political podcasts every week. But I’ve had to cut back drastically. I just can’t handle listening to another breakdown of why Hillary lost, of why we all should have seen it coming, of what Trump’s victory means or what terrible cabinet choice he is going to make. It’s just... tortuous. So I’m forcing myself to do the bare minimum to not succumb to the siren song of quietism. But after I do that bare minimum, I’m putting on the Bill Barnwell Show and trying to distract myself with the weekly NFL matchups.
But I’ll be ready for the fight. There is a good chance people who normally just sit on the sidelines and root (like myself) are going to have to take a more active role in the resistance. What this means exactly, I don’t know. Unfortunately, I’m bad at activism. But when an opportunity presents itself, I’ll be ready. One thing I know I can do is donate to worthy causes. I’ll definitely step up my donation game.
Alright, that's enough about that -- fine line, remember? -- let's move on to a more pleasant topic: My kids.
Things are going pretty well with them. They still aren’t letting me sleep enough, but that’s to be expected. Every morning Lil’ S2 wakes up around 6:00 a.m., and I bring him into bed with me (S is usually gone by then) where he tosses and turns for a half hour, and then we both fall back asleep, just in time for his older brother to bust through the door and destroy our five minutes of peace. It’s an "awesome" morning ritual.
We had parent-teacher conferences for each kid this week. I went to the one for Lil’ S1. It was fine. He’s doing fine. I don’t really know what to take away from these types of events to be honest. All the kids in his class were “graded” on their pattern recognition and their regulation of their emotions. Lil’ S1 was a 4 out of 7 in the former and a 5 out of 6 in the latter. So this means he can “copy simple repeating patterns,”and he can “comfort himself by seeking out a special object,” but he can’t “extend and create simple patterns” or “look at a situation differently.” Okay… good to know, I guess. Although I think they got those grades reversed. He can make simple patterns (the other day he made a “light saver” with connecting blocks that alternated exactly three dark blue and two light blue), but he really struggles to comfort himself and calm down once he gets revved up. I mean, more so than most kids his age. The other thing to keep in mind is that he turned four three months, while other kids in his class are already five. Those nine months matter immensely at that age.
Lil’ S2 is doing well too. He’s getting really good at understanding what we tell him, and he’s quite mobile for his age, but he still can’t talk at all. This is a bit strange. Most kids can say a few words around a year or so. He’s already 15 months and there’s not even so much as a “no” or a “mine” or a “mama” or “dada” out of him. S and I aren’t particularly worried because he doesn’t appear to be behind in other areas – like I said, he clearly understands things (for example, every time we put socks on him, he will go and grab his shoes, and he does the same thing for his brother, and he knows whose shoes are whose) – but it would be nice to hear him say a few words soon.
He’s actually going to go to his grandparents’ in South Carolina for about a month soon. S has to take another trip to Africa for a few weeks in early December, so to make things easier on me, she’s going to take him to her parents’ place (I can handle one by myself, no problem), and then everybody will be going down there for the holidays. So maybe he will start talking while he’s there. Maybe my mother-in-law with teach him some Kannada.
Well, I’m writing this on my lunch break, and it is now over, so I will have to call it a post.
Until next time…
*Note: I'm only speaking for myself -- my privileged, white, heterosexual, cisgendered, upper-middle class self.
“Yes! The Seahawks beat the Patriots! ... (But Trump is going to be president.)”
“Mmm, these nachos are pretty good… (But Trump is going to be president.)”
“Ha! Lil’ S2 is so cute dancing to music… (But Trump is going to be president.)”
It’s like there is a little orange devil sitting on my shoulder, who pokes me in the brain with his trident as soon as I start to feel the slightest bit happy. And he’s not going away anytime soon. I can’t get rid of him. I just have to wait for him to die on his own. He will die. I will feel better. I was sad when George Bush won in 2004 (though not nearly at the same level), but it’s not like my life sucked the next four years. Those were pretty fun times for me, truth be told. So things will get better* – at least until Trump’s policies actually start to take hold…
But I’ll be ready for the fight. There is a good chance people who normally just sit on the sidelines and root (like myself) are going to have to take a more active role in the resistance. What this means exactly, I don’t know. Unfortunately, I’m bad at activism. But when an opportunity presents itself, I’ll be ready. One thing I know I can do is donate to worthy causes. I’ll definitely step up my donation game.
Alright, that's enough about that -- fine line, remember? -- let's move on to a more pleasant topic: My kids.
Things are going pretty well with them. They still aren’t letting me sleep enough, but that’s to be expected. Every morning Lil’ S2 wakes up around 6:00 a.m., and I bring him into bed with me (S is usually gone by then) where he tosses and turns for a half hour, and then we both fall back asleep, just in time for his older brother to bust through the door and destroy our five minutes of peace. It’s an "awesome" morning ritual.
We had parent-teacher conferences for each kid this week. I went to the one for Lil’ S1. It was fine. He’s doing fine. I don’t really know what to take away from these types of events to be honest. All the kids in his class were “graded” on their pattern recognition and their regulation of their emotions. Lil’ S1 was a 4 out of 7 in the former and a 5 out of 6 in the latter. So this means he can “copy simple repeating patterns,”and he can “comfort himself by seeking out a special object,” but he can’t “extend and create simple patterns” or “look at a situation differently.” Okay… good to know, I guess. Although I think they got those grades reversed. He can make simple patterns (the other day he made a “light saver” with connecting blocks that alternated exactly three dark blue and two light blue), but he really struggles to comfort himself and calm down once he gets revved up. I mean, more so than most kids his age. The other thing to keep in mind is that he turned four three months, while other kids in his class are already five. Those nine months matter immensely at that age.
Lil’ S2 is doing well too. He’s getting really good at understanding what we tell him, and he’s quite mobile for his age, but he still can’t talk at all. This is a bit strange. Most kids can say a few words around a year or so. He’s already 15 months and there’s not even so much as a “no” or a “mine” or a “mama” or “dada” out of him. S and I aren’t particularly worried because he doesn’t appear to be behind in other areas – like I said, he clearly understands things (for example, every time we put socks on him, he will go and grab his shoes, and he does the same thing for his brother, and he knows whose shoes are whose) – but it would be nice to hear him say a few words soon.
He’s actually going to go to his grandparents’ in South Carolina for about a month soon. S has to take another trip to Africa for a few weeks in early December, so to make things easier on me, she’s going to take him to her parents’ place (I can handle one by myself, no problem), and then everybody will be going down there for the holidays. So maybe he will start talking while he’s there. Maybe my mother-in-law with teach him some Kannada.
Well, I’m writing this on my lunch break, and it is now over, so I will have to call it a post.
Until next time…
*Note: I'm only speaking for myself -- my privileged, white, heterosexual, cisgendered, upper-middle class self.
It's common for kids with older siblings and bilingual kids to talk later rather than earlier and he's got both those things going on so I'm glad you and S aren't freaking out about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm also in the acceptance phase at this point, but it's not necessarily a clean linear progression. You can wobble between or cycle through the stages too (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). What I'm struggling with at the moment is how accountable we should be holding those who voted for Trump and Pence (or allowed them to be elected through their non-action) for the bigotry. Many are claiming they are not bigots they only voted for his political platform, but in this instance especially the two are not separate. I'm a believer you endorse what you support and vice versa so if you are truly not a bigot, you shouldn't support one. Also, there were plenty of staunch Republicans and Christians who denounced him specifically because of the bigotry (and his complete lack of competency) so... I think you've got to own it now and if you don't believe in the bigotry than you damn well better do something to counteract the damage that's being done.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. Although I do wonder how would I feel if I agreed with Trump on, well, on pretty much any major policy issues. Like if Trump was the exact same, but said his number one priority was solving climate change and promoting green energy -- would I feel differently? It's an interesting hypothetical, but obviously moot (Trump is *terrible* on climate change), and maybe too far fetched. It's like saying "if an unreasonable person was reasonable..."
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