Entry 587: Lost Phone

Big life event this past Saturday: I lost my phone. I know where it is, approximately, but I have been unable to locate it exactly, and at this point it is surely ruined beyond repair anyway.

I was running through some trails along Rock Creek, as I frequently do, and I tripped and ate it pretty hard -- hard enough to scrape and bruise my knee and cut my shin, and hard enough to cause my phone to dislodge from my hand, skitter off the trail, over an embankment, into the water. I quickly hopped into the creek and started looking for it, but I didn't see the exact point where it went in, and the water was too murky to scan the creek bed visually. I was left to grope aimlessly in frigid water, which I did for a relatively long time -- 15 minutes or so -- until I got wet and cold enough to convince myself that my phone probably couldn't be salvaged even if I did find it. Then, I had to run the rest of the way home (a few miles) in sopping wet shoes and sleeves.

 

[This is approximately where it all (i.e., I) went down. You can't really tell but it's about an eight foot drop off to the water.]

[You can see the ground conditions aren't ideal for running -- lots of roots, rocks, branches, and other things. With the leaves down, it's actually kinda dangerous because you can't see what's under them. I should probably stick to the street during the fall, but it's so boring on the street.]
 

When I got home, I probably should have taken a hot shower and just relaxed a little bit, but I was so anxious to "solve the problem" of not having a phone that I got on the Verizon website and started trying to figure out if I could get a new phone that day. S and I both have iPhones and I'm not picky about the model or color (although I'd prefer it not be pink, which is seemingly always in stock everywhere you go), so I initiated an online chat with a sales rep, and he talked me through a purchase of an iPhone 13, which was ready for pickup at a location in Burtonsville, MD about a half-hour outside DC.

Perfect... until I get to the location. The people working there have no idea what I'm talking about -- they don't see an order in their system, and they don't keep any phones in stock on location. Of course, I'm super pissed, so I'm arguing with them a little bit, asking why the rep sent me here, and of course they have no answers. The only thing that annoys me is they're acting like the sales rep is an outside consultant whom I trusted at my own peril, instead of a member of their company. Yes, I get how franchises work, but if you're a Verizon store, you got to own your Verizon-ness. That's just how it goes.  

Anyway, I go back home (I'm using directions I printed from Google Maps, by the way) and initiate a new chat, and explain my situation to like five different people (I keep getting transferred), and finally somebody is like -- Listen, you're not getting this phone today; I don't know where it is or what happened; the best move is to just cancel the order and start over. I appreciate the candor, and that's what I try to do, but I can't. They say I'm not an authorized user because S's name is on the account, and I can't verify my number because I don't have my phone. Now, I'm super hot because this wasn't an issue when I was spending money, only when I'm asking for a refund. Also, I'm logged in to our Verizon account, I know the PIN, and I have access to all S's email accounts (she's with the kids at a birthday party). I'm asking them why I can't verify it via PIN or email, and they just tell me they can't do it, but I shouldn't worry because the order should cancel automatically because the phone never got picked up. Yeah, because it doesn't exist, I can't help but add before ending the chat.

When S returns I use her phone to call to cancel the order, and while I'm on hold, I get an email telling me it's canceled. Good. I don't have to wait. One thing goes my way... so I think.

I turns out to be a bit tricky to get a new phone if you don't have your old phone to verify your number. Last time I got new a phone, I went to a certain Verizon store and they had something in stock and I got everything purchased and set up in the store. So, I make an appointment, the first one I could get, Tuesday afternoon. S can't come with me because she's taking the boys to get Covid vaccines (success!). I'm a bit worried but if I wait until S and I have a time slot that works for both of us, I won't have a phone until 2022.

To make a long story short: I get the phone. To make a long story medium: Here are the highlights.

• They have one non-pink iPhone in stock, a blue iPhone 13, which I purchase.
• They tell me S has to send a picture of her ID and fill out a verification form before they will link my number to my new phone.
• I have no way to get a hold of S and don't really want to bother her with this while she's trying to get the kids vaccinated.
• The sales rep suggests we get around it by adding me as an account manager through the Verizon app.
• I try to log-in online and it two-factor authentifications me, either a text code (can't do that obviously) or a security question: "Where was you favorite place to visit as a child?" WTF?!
• I asked S later and she doesn't even know the answer. These are such stupid questions because even if you remember what it is, you still might get it wrong because of capitalization and punctuation -- grandmas house, Grandma's house, Grandmas House, Grandma's House -- which one is it?
• Thankfully I brought my iPad and I'm able to login to the Verizon app without two-factor and I add myself as an account manager.
• But... it turns out that that bullshit order never got canceled in their system (even though I have an email saying it did) and they won't allow me to purchase a new phone until it does.
• I talk to the manager and she tells the rep to call Verizon customer service to see if they can cancel it.
• The rep just dials the normal number like I would and gets put on hold like I would. I don't know if it's heartening or disturbing to know that there's no special connection even for Verizon employees.
• He's transferred like five times and on the phone for literally (and I mean that literally) 45 minutes.
• I'm just sitting there, occasionally getting up to walk around the store, just to stretch and break the monotony.
• The sales rep is really nice, which is the only reason I'm being chill about everything.
• Well, that and it's usually just better to be chill. While I was waiting, a guy came in looking for a sim card, and they didn't have it, and he just bitched out the manager for a solid five minutes. But what was she supposed to do -- solder one for him using pocket change and a car battery?
• I finally got the phone, and within fifteen minutes of being home, I had it restored just like my old phone. Maybe that dollar a month for iCloud storage isn't such a ripoff.
• I'm paranoid about losing my phone again. Phones are too expensive now. It's kinda silly that we walk around with $800 devices in our pockets all the time.
  
• I don't have a good way to carry my phone when I run. Those armbands never work (I'm too buff, I think); it flops around too much in my pocket; and apparently I might drop it in a creek if I carry it. I've contemplated getting a fanny pack, but I'm not there yet.
• My solution for now is to use my son's iPod when I run. It fits perfectly in my pocket, and he spends too much time on it anyway.
  

Until next time...