We had a birthday party for Lil' S1 today, even though he turned 10 over a month ago. End of the summer birthdays are tough. A lot of families aren't around -- we might not even be around -- and those who are often already have last-chance-of-the-summer plans -- pool parties and cookouts and whatnot. This year his birthday fell between our return from the PNW and our departure to Iceland, so we didn't really do anything for it. Well, actually we did. S's parents and sister were here, and we had an ice cream cake and sang and everything, but we didn't invite any other kids. He wanted to have a kids b-day party, so, sure, why not? Let's take some kids to play laser tag and pretend it's the end of August.
It went pretty well, I guess. I didn't actually play. I didn't really find laser tag that fun when I was a kid. They also have arcade games, but they're less fun than laser tag. And they're so expensive. Forget the price of gasoline, we should measure inflation by the cost of games of Halo: Fireteam Raven. Every kid burned through their card in, like, 15 minutes, and that's including a $5 refill. Arcades were so much better when I was a kid, and I don't think that's just nostalgia. Arcades now are basically casinos for children. In fact, some of the games are literally gambling. Like that one that's a bulldozer that pushes coins over a ledge. How is that anything but a game of chance? I do like pop-a-shot, but it was out of order.
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In my last entry, you might recall, I was pretty down on the Mariners, and thought they were going to blow their golden opportunity to make the playoffs for the first time in 21 years. Turns out I needn't have been so concerned. Those models saying they were virtual shoo-ins were spot-on, as the M's qualified for the postseason last night, rather dramatically, but quite easily, clinching with six games still on the schedule. I knew I was being overly pessimistic last week, but baseball will do that to a person. It's the weirdest sport, in that bad teams can look great for ten or twenty game stretches, and good teams can look terrible. The Mariners recently went 3-8 against the dregs of the league, including losing a game in which they were winning by nine runs, and then immediately after that, they won four in a row to make the playoffs. It makes no sense, and I've known my entire life as a baseball fan that it makes no sense, but knowing something and feeling something are two different things.
Anyway, I was so excited about the Mariners making the playoffs that I wrote a song about it. I'll only subject you to the first verse. It's a parody of Bill Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire", so get that tune in your head as you read it.
Alvin Davis, Ichiro, Kyle Seager, Zunino
Refuse to Lose, Harold Reynolds, Robinson Cano
Lou Piniella, Dustin Ackley, Richie Sexson, Kaz Sasaki
Alex Diaz, Edwin Diaz, Luis Castillo
I gotta say, it's pretty good. I listened to the original song verse-for-verse a bunch of times and got the cadence down for each line, and then I fit Mariners-themed lyrics to it. I won't say how much time I spent on it because I don't know, and also because I'm not sure I should be proud of how long it took me. I'm a 45-year-old man making up songs about a baseball team getting a wild card spot. And I can't even perform it. I don't know how to do that, and even if I did, my rhythm and voice are so bad, it'd sound like shit. So, I'm a 45-year-old man making a song about a baseball team getting a wild card spot that nobody will ever sing. I'm basically a character in the Beatles song "Eleanor Rigby". Well, I did post this magnum opus, in full, in the comments section of a Mariners blog, and it got 109 likes, which is the most I've ever seen, so there's that. Maybe if Father McKenzie had the internet at least a few people would have heard his sermons.
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Lil' S2 lost a tooth today -- or, I should say, Lil' S2 had a tooth yanked out today by me. It'd been loose for a few weeks now, but it was super stubborn, so we just left it in there, but it got to the point to where it was actually bothering him. It hurt, and it was bleeding, and it got in the way when he was trying to eat, so I knew it had to come out. But I couldn't get it. One half was almost completely separated from the gum, but the other half felt like it was bound by cement. I would yank and yank to no avail, and then my fingers would get slippery from the blood and saliva, and I'd lose my grip and have to start over. Lil' S2 was starting to wince and squirm, and he's the one who prides himself on being stoic when he has to get a shot at the doctor's office. (Unlike his older brother who screams "I can't do it" over and over and tries to run away.)
I wiggled and twisted it a bunch (which Lil' S2 did not like), and then finally I felt it detach a bit, like the end of a Velcro strap, and I pulled that sucker right out. It felt so satisfying. I had him put it in an envelope and then tuck it under his pillow, and then I set an alarm for later in the night to go swap it for some money. It's a good thing I did that too because I totally would've forgotten had I not. I actually did forget once, and the next morning he was wondering why the Tooth Fairy hadn't come. I clandestinely put some bills in the crack between his mattress and the wall and told him that she probably did come, and he accidentally knocked the money off the bed in his sleep. So, he went back in there and found the money, which only seemed to make him more confused. "Well, why didn't she take my tooth then?" he asked. I had no good answer.
Whatever. I don't really like tricking my kids into believing in things like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy anyway. I like the tradition and the story telling, and I want to participate in it, but I kinda think kids should know it's actually their parents. Like, would it really ruin things if you did the whole production and pretended like they were real, but then you told your kids in advance that it was all make-believe? I don't think so. I think it would still be super fun and magical for them, but you wouldn't have to lie to your kids, and you wouldn't prime them to believe in shit that doesn't exist. It's all fun and games until they grow up and start putting up posts on Facebook about guarding angels protecting them.
The other thing about kids' teeth is that I never know what to do with them after they come out. Do you keep them? I know a lot of parents do that, but I find it kinda gross/weird. I guess I should just toss them. I decided to keep this latest one for now, in case S wants it, so I went into my dresser drawer to put it there, and what did I find? A Ziploc baggy with the last tooth he lost in it. I think I previously went through the exact same thought process I just had, and then forgot about it. That totally sounds like something I would do.
Until next time...
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