Entry 74: Amazed By Antacid (Classic Crocodile)

I'm coming down the home stretch. Only two weeks left in Australia, one of which will be spent in Melbourne. I'm flying there tomorrow to attend a conference. As you can image, I have too much going on right now. I don't have time to write much. I thought about putting this blog on hold for a while, but I don't want to lose my three readers (yeah, yeah, I know, I have 12 followers, but I'm guessing six of them were just being nice, and three quit reading after my fourth entry on professional wrestling).

So, I decided to run a Classic Crocodile entry. It's like when a radio host goes on vacation, so the producers run a best-of show. This particular entry came from my old MySpace blog, back when people actually used MySpace, before Facebook became popular and MySpace became uncool (for reasons that are largely unknown to me).

Enjoy...



Amazed By Antacid

I had a hysterical conversation with my friend Q last night at the gym. I'll try to recapture its hilarity. It might be a "had-to-be-there" conversation. But if you were there I assure you it would be as funny to you as it is to me. It started with me eating a couple of Tums in the locker room.

Q: [Slight Chinese accent] What are you eating?

D: Tums, you know, antacid. I ate dinner not that long ago and last time I did that and then exercised I got indigestion.

Q: You got what?

D: Indigestion. It's when you're not digesting your food properly.

Q: [Concerned, somewhat shocked] You have to take medicine for that!

D: [Somewhat defensively] It's just a Tums, dude. It's not really medicine. Haven't you ever heard of Tums before? Rolaids? I'm just taking it because it was kind of uncomfortable last time I ate and then exercised right afterward. This will help.

Q: What is in those pill?

D: Uh... calcium, I think

Q: Wait. This make no sense. If it is calcium then it will neutralize the stomach acid, but you need the acid if you cannot digest the food.

D: Probably your body is overcompensating and making too much acid.

Q: Oh... I have never heard of this.

D: [Quite surprised] You've never heard of Tums or Rolaids or Pepto Bismal or anything like that. Hmm... maybe heartburn isn't a problem in China.

Q: Heartburn?! It affects your heart?

D: No, I don't think it literally affects your heart. You just feel it in your chest. It's, just, like excess acid coming up from your stomach. I think it's just called heartburn.

Q: Ah! I think my dad take some pill like that. Some Peps A.

D: Yeah, Pepcid AC. That's for chronic heartburn, I think. That's the serious stuff. Tums are much milder. It's just for when you eat too much or drink too much and get some indigestion. If I go out to a bar and drink beer and eat a bunch of greasy food then sometimes I'll eat a few Tums before I go to sleep.

Q: Oh, okay.

[We leave. Exercise for a few hours. The topic of antacid is forgotten by me. Return to the locker room.]

Q: What do you call those pill you take?

D: Tums

Q: Maybe I will try

D: You don't just try it. You have to have indigestion.

Q: But sometimes I go out and I drink one or two beer and then I have some bad feeling. Like some gas in my stomach. But I never know what it is. And I never know that you can take some pill for it.

D: Yeah... you can. Pretty cool, huh?

Q: Can I ask you one more question?

D: Yes

Q: When did you find out about this pill?

D: When did I find out about antacid? I don't know. I've never really though about it. It seems like I've always known.

Q: Today is the first day I learn of this. Maybe I will try. This is a very good thing to know.

[End of conversation.]