Hilarious stuff, to be sure, but in reality, misstating your taxes is no laughing matter. I should know, S and I just received a notice in the mail saying that we owe the city of DC an additional several thousand dollars for 2010 taxes. At first we were indignant, thinking there is a mistake, but as we looked at our return we realized that the city was right. Basically, what happened is that part of our taxes were paid by S's former employer (for technical reasons I won't go into) -- the federal part was paid directly to the US government, but the district part was paid to us incrementally, and then we were to pass it on to the DC government. We neglected to properly explain this to our tax preparer, so he erroneously stated on our return that some of our DC taxes (the part paid by S's former employer) had already been paid directly, which it hadn't. (Our fault, I'd like to blame our preparer, but he had no way of knowing the federal-district distinction without us telling him.) And now, that's the money we owe.
Fine, we made a mistake, we'll pay what we owe in full, but here's what burns me about the whole ordeal, DC levied a $650 penalty and charged us $350 for interest. ($350! For a few months of interest on a few thousand dollars?! Talk about predatory rates. I could do better at the Payday Loans with the barred windows and the bullet-proof glass at the end of my block.) So basically, we're out $1,000 for a very honest and reasonable (in my view) mistake. And if we don't pay by the October 30th, we owe an additional $1,300 in late penalties. The letter is dated October 19th. They give us 11 days to pay several thousand dollars (thankfully, we have the money on-hand -- our down payment pot just shrunk a bit -- and the check is in the mail already). Really? This is a justifiable penalty for our "offense", a $1000 fine that could be as much as $2,300? Of course not. It's petty and punitive government bullshit, and it's exactly the type of thing that stokes the flames of the Tea Baggers and other "small government" extremists. How about something like a $50 processing fee and $150 in interest? That seems perfectly fair to me. I'd pay it with no complaints. But no, the city of DC apparently can't pass up a golden opportunity to f--- a few honest citizens in their collective a--.
I told some friends about this last night over drinks, and they think I can probably get the fines reduced if I go to the DC tax office and talk to somebody in person. At the very least, they seem confident that the district would extend the time before the additional $1,300 late fee would kick in (which is moot in our case since the check has already been sent). As one friend put it, we were probably flagged in some sort of automated system and received a standard letter, and we might be able to appeal by explaining our situation. But this doesn't seem much better to me. For one, DC doesn't exactly give you much time to appeal anything with another $1,300 fine lurking in 11 days. For two, if they're assessing large penalties that can easily be reduced through appeal, then that's bullshit too. That's what asshole credit card companies do. They put large BS fines on people's accounts, and then waive them immediately if people challenge them, knowing that not everybody will challenge. If that is fact what the city government is doing, then that's completely corrupt, if you ask me. Anyway, I probably will talk to somebody at the tax office, or send a letter, but regardless of the outcome I already think the whole process is a total crock of shite.
And as if I didn't have a bad enough taste in my mouth concerning the city, the morning after getting this letter, my car was "courtesy towed", meaning it was parked in a tow-away zone, but just moved down the block to a legal space instead of to an impound lot. Very courteous of the city -- except for the $100 ticket on my dashboard. But, in this one I basically have no grounds for complaints. It was very clearly marked that it's a no parking zone from 7am - 7pm (I parked there the night after 7pm and tried to get my car the next morning around 8:30). The thing is, every street has different rules for different permits at different times of the day (and then there is weekly street sweeping), and if you don't read all the signage carefully you run the risk of getting a ticket. If you park on the street everyday like I do, then sometimes you just forget to be diligent and get dinged. It happens.
I look at parking tickets as an expense that comes with owning a car in DC, an expense that over the five or so years I've lived in DC has probably totaled around $1,000. This might sound quite high, but it's roughly 10% of what I would've paid had I been renting a parking space all that time. So, from a strictly financial perspective, I'm way ahead by parking on the street. Convenience-wise parking on the street is worse obviously, but it rarely takes me longer than five minutes to find a spot, and when I do it's almost always closer than any available rental spot would be. When we moved back to DC a few months ago, S was sorta pushing to rent a parking space, but I didn't want to, and since I'm the primary driver, we didn't. Good move, actually. Parking spaces just aren't worth it, even if they do prevent the occasional courtesy tow.
Alright, changing topics, I went out last night, and for the second week in a row I ended up in my old neighborhood Adams Morgan. Unlike last week, I made the northward walk along 18th Street between Florida Ave and Columbia Ave, which means I was an audience member for the weekly weekend night spectacle that is "The 18th Street Shit Show". It's just a giant bacchanalian orgy -- cars are bumper to bumper bumpin' their systems, people are kissing and groping in the street, chicks are walking around with their ghetto-booties hanging out their skin-tight dresses, preppy dudes are stumbling by in flip-flops with their collars popped, thugs are standing around looking thuggish, there's a police cruiser on every corner, and everybody is devouring giant disgusting folded-over wedges of cheap pizza from grease-soaked paper plates. So basically, it's an awesome show -- once in a while. If you live there for four years, as I did, it gets old fast.
[Although you can't tell, near the white door at the intersection two police officers are questioning a very intoxicated early twenty-something-year old man. They probably should arrest him for his own safety. He seriously was on the verge of stumbling into incoming traffic.] Actually, there was (is?) a group of home owners in the area who wanted to shut down the shit show by going after 18th street businesses' liquor licenses. I don't think they got very far, and frankly, they should be carefully what they wish for. The economy ain't supporting high end restaurants and retailers or $500,000 condos right now. If you force out the dive bars and seedy dance clubs, you're asking for a lot of vacant buildings, and I don't think that's a step in the right direction. Plus, there are some decent establishments amidst the sleaze, and during the week and the weekend days, it's actually a nice place to live. Adams Morgan is the Wolfman of DC neighborhoods and Friday and Saturday nights are the full moons. It's mild-mannered 156 hours of the week, but for those other 12 hours, it transforms into something weird and grotesque and something that should be portrayed by Benicio Del Toro in a bad movie. Wait, that last one doesn't really make sense, scratch it.
Until next week...
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