Entry 86: Ass Burgers, Project Runway, Etc.

"Ass Burgers" was the title of this week's hilarious South Park episode. Everybody thinks that Stan developed Asperger's syndrome from a vaccine, and so Cartman -- mishearing the name as "ass burgers" -- tries to trick the school nurse into believing that he has Asperger's by putting hamburgers in his butt. I thought it was funny, in large part, because I was just last week having a conversation with people about what a terrible name Asperger's is for a disorder, especailly a social disorder. My joke about it: "Asperger's! What kind of name is that? It sounds like a term the evil older brother would use in an 80's comedy, 'And if mom finds out about this, you're dead, ass burger!'" Haha... I'll have to use that one in my fictitious standup routine. Actually, this happens from time to time. I'll think of a funny idea, and then I'll see or hear that same basic idea put into action on a TV show or podcast. On the one hand it's like, "I knew that was funny!" On the other hand it's like, "Wait, now it's not mine anymore. If I say it people will think I stole it."


Completely changing topics, I played racquetball this week for the first time in years. My friend G is in a league and he set up a friendly game between us. I think he got the impression that I was a novice, because I sort of downplayed how much I had played in the past (during the 2002-2003 school year I was playing at least twice a week against pretty good competition), not wanting to come off as cocky. I won both games we played fairly convincingly, and afterward he said to me, "Yeah, you're a class higher than me." I want to join his regular league, but it's status is in limbo at the moment, because the earthquake might have damaged some of the courts, and they have to get some sort of inspection before they can reopen them. I hope it happens and I can join. It's an LGB league, but G said there are a lot of straight people in it, and even if there aren't, I don't really care. Since I've been back in DC, my social scene has become pretty gay, anyway. I'm kinda jealous of the stereotypical gay lifestyle -- the partying, the friends, the promiscuity, the disposable income, the lack of familial responsibilities. I'd be lying if I said the gay life isn't enticing, oh, except the part about having sex with other men. That part I'm not such a fan of. In my opinion, it's really the only major downside to being gay.

[It's not racquetball, but so be it. It's funny.]

Speaking of gay men, I'm embarrassed to admit it, but admit it I shall. I've gotten really into the show Project Runway this season. This is despite the fact that I don't care much for Heidi Klum. Few things are more annoying than hot people who never had to develop much of a personality or an intellect (because they're hot) thinking they are interesting and smart, because people want to be around them (because they're hot). Tyra Banks is the queen of this, but Heidi Klum isn't too far behind. ("In fashion, one day you're in, and the next day you're out," so profound Heidi, did you write that yourself?)

[What? It's a good show.]

Anyway, I like to predict before the show who I think will be eliminated. I've been correct four of the last six weeks, and it should have been five. I can't believe they sent Bert home this week instead of Laura (my pick) -- total crock. Next week is the last elimination show, and I think Laura and Kimberly are going home. That means Joshua, Viktor, and Anya will go to fashion week. I'm predicting Anya will win. She can't sew very well -- which some of the other designers resent -- but if you can come up with cool looking outfits, who cares? It's a bit like resenting a rock star, because they can't play scales.

In other news, I've started following this Occupy Wall Street movement a bit. Nobody really knows where it will go, but who knows, maybe something cool will come out of it. At least people are pissed off and doing something, that's the first step. The thing I would like to see is a clear delineation of the type of wealth in the protesters' crosshairs. It should be avarice not affluence. If you target all rich people, I think you run into problems both practical and ideological.



Practically, I don't think the US will ever go for anything resembling a wide-scale distribution of wealth or a semi-socialistic society like, say, Denmark. Already you have the right accusing the protesters of "class warfare", you don't want this to resonate with people.

Ideologically, I'm a capitalist. I think many people earn their riches by working hard and providing benefits to society. Think doctors, think innovators, think people like the recently deceased Steve Jobs (think different). Many people are driven by economic incentives to do great things, and produce great products, and they elevate and employ others in the process. (As an aside, I don't think economic incentive is necessarily material incentive. I think many times money is more a marker of status or achievement than an actual medium for exchange. I believe it was The Donald who said (I'm paraphrasing), "I've never cared much for money, except as a way of keeping score.") These aren't the people protesters should be going after, these are the people we need in a great society. The type of people we don't need are the type who prey on ignorance and fear, who get rich through the unnecessary misfortune or suffering of others, who finagle the system, who buy politicians to set the rules to ensure they get rich no matter how incompetent or damaging to society they are, these are the people we don't need. Sadly, it's this latter type of rich who seem to be gaining traction in the US, and in my view, they should be the target not just of the protesters' rage, but of all our rage.

OK, well, ass burgers to racquetball to Project Runway to Occupy Wall Street, I think I hit on a diverse enough set of topics for this week. Until next time...