This is part two of my yuletide-theme entry.
There has been a lot of attention on gun control recently, and I couldn't resist forever the urge to expound on the topic. So for the Sixth Day of Xmas, I give you...
Day 6: Six Takedowns of Common Pro-Gun Arguments
6. Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People
A classic. But it's not a particularly strong argument. Logically it fails, because it leads immediately to justifying possession of any weapon of any destructive power. (Atomic bombs don't detonate themselves... therefore it's OK for people to have atomic bombs?) Practically it fails because people use guns to kill many more people than they could otherwise.
5. The Second Amendment
Obviously, it's a little outdated, I mean, how many people do you know who are in a militia?
"Hey, Steve, I've got a great idea for you. You know what we should start one of these days?"
"A blog about our favorite TV shows?"
"No, a militia."
That's a conversation I've never overheard at a party. Also, the second amendment just says "arms", it doesn't say assault rifles, it doesn't even say guns. If our government ever becomes really liberal and really snarky, we should allow people to only own firearms that were in existence in 1787. Then when some psycho tries to tee off on people with a muzzle-loading musket, somebody can just tackle him after his first shot.
4. Everybody In Switzerland Has a Gun and They Have Little Gun Violence
Switzerland's gun ownership, per capita, is nearly half ours, so right away this argument is a nonstarter. But let's go on anyway. Switzerland is a country of $8 million people with little poverty. The U.S. is a country of $300 million people with a good deal of poverty. Swiss citizens are required to have health insurance (they have something similar to Obamacare, from what I can tell), and presumably they have ready access to mental health resources. Also, Switzerland doesn't have a traditional army, so they arm and train (this part is key) their citizens for national defense. This is much, much different than allowing any schlub off the street to buy a semi-automatic AK 47 just for kicks.
3. If More Sane People Had Guns the Insane People Wouldn't Get Off as Many Shots
Maybe. And maybe if more people had guns, many more clusterfuck shootouts would occur, and many more people would be accidentally killed. Sane doesn't mean safe. Think about the people you know -- your 20-year old neighbors who set off the smoke alarm, because they were barbecuing inside their apartment; your coworker who brags about how much he drinks and drives; your friend who freaks out if she has to parallel park; your buddy from high school who always wanted to be a cop, but got rejected from the force three times* -- would you really feel safer knowing these people were packing?
Also, society doesn't work like the WWF in the mid-'80s. It's not always obvious who's good and who's bad. There isn't a perfect delineation between sane and insane. This binary categorization of good and evil is a very simpleminded and wrongheaded worldview. "Good" people will do "insane" things in stressful, chaotic situations. Especially ones for which they have no training or practice in handling. This idea that more guns will somehow make our society safer, because we "good guys" will all be protecting each other like trained law enforcers is the real insanity, if you ask me. Quasi-vigilante justice is not the answer, just ask Trayvon Martin... oh, wait, never mind...
*These are all real people I once knew.
2. Cars Kill More People than Guns Should We Ban Cars?
Well, actually, I'd love it if we could structure society in such a way that we wouldn't need cars, but since that seems quite farfetched, no, we shouldn't ban cars. But we should continue to regulate them and continually strive to make them safer and try to ensure that people who are too dangerous to drive aren't driving. You know, all the things the pro-gun control people want to do with guns.
1. Violence Is a Societal/Mental Health Issue Not a Gun Issue
I actually mostly agree with this. But have the gun nuts ever asked the following question: Don't you think that your mission to push guns on the American people as something perfectly normal and something not to be feared or controlled contributes negatively to our gun-crazed culture (like, say, advocating for guns in schools)? If we treated guns with more reverence, something not so normal, something you needed permits and extensive training to obtain, don't you think gun violence would go down? I do. That's the thing with gun fanatics, they claim it's the culture, but by being so obstinate about the most basic regulations and by being so adamant about the virtues of guns, they're largely the ones perpetuating this culture. If gun nuts really want to change the culture, they need to start with the man in the mirror.
As for the mental health issue. OK, fine, then let's do the following: levy a modest tax on ammunition and use it to fund mental health programs. We could put more trained mental health professionals in schools and workplaces to educate people and catch early warning signs. Surely the NRA will support this. If it's really a mental health problem, and they're really committed to a solution then they'll be behind a measure like this 100%, right? Right, and I'm going to get a wise-cracking teddy bear for Christmas.*
*I watched the movie Ted last night -- stupid, but hysterical.
Alright, on to the other five days.
Day 5: Five Super-Christian Celebrities
5. Kirk Cameron, actor/former teen idol.
4. Kurt Warner, former NFL quarterback/former supermarket employee.
3. Mel Gibson, actor/anti-Semite.
2. Ted Haggard, pastor/"recovering" homosexual.
1. Stephen Baldwin, actor/extreme sports enthusiast (720s for Jesus, bra!).
In honor of Saint Nick...
Day 4: Four Famous People Named Nick Who Are Very Unlikely to Ever be Sainted
4. Nick Swardson (Unless starring in a movie that scores 0% on the movie rating site Rotten Tomatoes is deemed a miracle.)
3. Nick Cave
2. Nick Van Exel (Although his sweet lefty j was divine.)
1. Nick Nolte
Since Christmas parties are notoriously good times for wearing cheesy sweaters...
Day 3: Three People Known for Wearing Sweaters
3. Jim Tressel (It's a sweater vest, but still, it counts.)
2. Mr. Rogers
1. Bill Cosby
Day 2: Two Anagrams of "MERRY CHRISTMAS" That Almost Make Sense
2. MM, CHERRY SITARS
1. MR T. HAS MY RICERS
Day 1: One Great Movie Set During the Christmas Season that Isn't a Christmas Movie, Per Se
1. Die Hard
I could only think of two: Gremlins and Die Hard. It was no contest. Die Hard is arguably Bruce Willy's finest work.
Happy Holidays! Until next time...
There has been a lot of attention on gun control recently, and I couldn't resist forever the urge to expound on the topic. So for the Sixth Day of Xmas, I give you...
Day 6: Six Takedowns of Common Pro-Gun Arguments
6. Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People
A classic. But it's not a particularly strong argument. Logically it fails, because it leads immediately to justifying possession of any weapon of any destructive power. (Atomic bombs don't detonate themselves... therefore it's OK for people to have atomic bombs?) Practically it fails because people use guns to kill many more people than they could otherwise.
5. The Second Amendment
Obviously, it's a little outdated, I mean, how many people do you know who are in a militia?
"Hey, Steve, I've got a great idea for you. You know what we should start one of these days?"
"A blog about our favorite TV shows?"
"No, a militia."
That's a conversation I've never overheard at a party. Also, the second amendment just says "arms", it doesn't say assault rifles, it doesn't even say guns. If our government ever becomes really liberal and really snarky, we should allow people to only own firearms that were in existence in 1787. Then when some psycho tries to tee off on people with a muzzle-loading musket, somebody can just tackle him after his first shot.
4. Everybody In Switzerland Has a Gun and They Have Little Gun Violence
Switzerland's gun ownership, per capita, is nearly half ours, so right away this argument is a nonstarter. But let's go on anyway. Switzerland is a country of $8 million people with little poverty. The U.S. is a country of $300 million people with a good deal of poverty. Swiss citizens are required to have health insurance (they have something similar to Obamacare, from what I can tell), and presumably they have ready access to mental health resources. Also, Switzerland doesn't have a traditional army, so they arm and train (this part is key) their citizens for national defense. This is much, much different than allowing any schlub off the street to buy a semi-automatic AK 47 just for kicks.
3. If More Sane People Had Guns the Insane People Wouldn't Get Off as Many Shots
Maybe. And maybe if more people had guns, many more clusterfuck shootouts would occur, and many more people would be accidentally killed. Sane doesn't mean safe. Think about the people you know -- your 20-year old neighbors who set off the smoke alarm, because they were barbecuing inside their apartment; your coworker who brags about how much he drinks and drives; your friend who freaks out if she has to parallel park; your buddy from high school who always wanted to be a cop, but got rejected from the force three times* -- would you really feel safer knowing these people were packing?
Also, society doesn't work like the WWF in the mid-'80s. It's not always obvious who's good and who's bad. There isn't a perfect delineation between sane and insane. This binary categorization of good and evil is a very simpleminded and wrongheaded worldview. "Good" people will do "insane" things in stressful, chaotic situations. Especially ones for which they have no training or practice in handling. This idea that more guns will somehow make our society safer, because we "good guys" will all be protecting each other like trained law enforcers is the real insanity, if you ask me. Quasi-vigilante justice is not the answer, just ask Trayvon Martin... oh, wait, never mind...
*These are all real people I once knew.
2. Cars Kill More People than Guns Should We Ban Cars?
Well, actually, I'd love it if we could structure society in such a way that we wouldn't need cars, but since that seems quite farfetched, no, we shouldn't ban cars. But we should continue to regulate them and continually strive to make them safer and try to ensure that people who are too dangerous to drive aren't driving. You know, all the things the pro-gun control people want to do with guns.
1. Violence Is a Societal/Mental Health Issue Not a Gun Issue
I actually mostly agree with this. But have the gun nuts ever asked the following question: Don't you think that your mission to push guns on the American people as something perfectly normal and something not to be feared or controlled contributes negatively to our gun-crazed culture (like, say, advocating for guns in schools)? If we treated guns with more reverence, something not so normal, something you needed permits and extensive training to obtain, don't you think gun violence would go down? I do. That's the thing with gun fanatics, they claim it's the culture, but by being so obstinate about the most basic regulations and by being so adamant about the virtues of guns, they're largely the ones perpetuating this culture. If gun nuts really want to change the culture, they need to start with the man in the mirror.
As for the mental health issue. OK, fine, then let's do the following: levy a modest tax on ammunition and use it to fund mental health programs. We could put more trained mental health professionals in schools and workplaces to educate people and catch early warning signs. Surely the NRA will support this. If it's really a mental health problem, and they're really committed to a solution then they'll be behind a measure like this 100%, right? Right, and I'm going to get a wise-cracking teddy bear for Christmas.*
*I watched the movie Ted last night -- stupid, but hysterical.
[It's a joke, but we should seriously think about moving along these lines.]
Alright, on to the other five days.
Day 5: Five Super-Christian Celebrities
5. Kirk Cameron, actor/former teen idol.
4. Kurt Warner, former NFL quarterback/former supermarket employee.
3. Mel Gibson, actor/anti-Semite.
2. Ted Haggard, pastor/"recovering" homosexual.
1. Stephen Baldwin, actor/extreme sports enthusiast (720s for Jesus, bra!).
In honor of Saint Nick...
Day 4: Four Famous People Named Nick Who Are Very Unlikely to Ever be Sainted
4. Nick Swardson (Unless starring in a movie that scores 0% on the movie rating site Rotten Tomatoes is deemed a miracle.)
3. Nick Cave
2. Nick Van Exel (Although his sweet lefty j was divine.)
1. Nick Nolte
Since Christmas parties are notoriously good times for wearing cheesy sweaters...
Day 3: Three People Known for Wearing Sweaters
3. Jim Tressel (It's a sweater vest, but still, it counts.)
2. Mr. Rogers
1. Bill Cosby
Day 2: Two Anagrams of "MERRY CHRISTMAS" That Almost Make Sense
2. MM, CHERRY SITARS
1. MR T. HAS MY RICERS
[You ain't gettin' that kitchenware back, foo'.]
Day 1: One Great Movie Set During the Christmas Season that Isn't a Christmas Movie, Per Se
1. Die Hard
I could only think of two: Gremlins and Die Hard. It was no contest. Die Hard is arguably Bruce Willy's finest work.
[This
is pretty good, but they left out the best part. In the movie, Bruce
Willis has a gun taped to his back. They could've done this with the
Legoman easily enough; I don't know why they didn't -- really ruins the
scene for me.]
Happy Holidays! Until next time...
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