Not the Super Bowl itself; the actual game is like any other football game, sometimes it's really exciting (Steelers vs. Cardinals, 2009), sometimes it's kinda boring (Colts vs. Bears, 2007), but even when it's boring, the event can still be fun if you're in good company. What sucks about the Super Bowl is everything else that comes with the game -- the hype and the pomp. It makes sports media un-consumable for a few weeks, I mean, more so than it already is. As it stands about 95% of sports media is utter garbage -- it's moronic drivel that actually makes you feel like a lesser human being after ingesting it.* (If this sounds pretentious, like I'm saying that I'm somehow better than it, it's because I am better than it; watch 30 seconds of an interaction between Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith, and you'll know what I mean.) When the Super Bowl rolls around, this number goes up to 99.9%.
The good thing about having almost everything on demand today is that you can bypass the vast majority of the schlock and still follow sports (I have my own little niche of sports podcasts, websites, and TV shows that I enjoy), but the Super Bowl is such a behemoth that it infiltrates even the good stuff. Every podcast, for example, feels compelled to have at least one on-site Super Bowl show; it's almost always among the worst shows of the year, and it's almost always the same as every other show on the market. It goes a little something like this...
Commentator 1: Hey everybody welcome to the Super Bowl episode of my podcast. We're coming at you live from the city in which the Super Bowl is being played this year. With me as always, Commentator 2.
Commentator 2: Yeah, get it on!
C1: Great show today. We've got a random Super Bowl performer from the past lined up for you, not a household name, but certainly a guy football fans will remember, and then we also have a random, somewhat big-name entertainer, so that should be fun.
C2: Absolutely, but first we have to mention how fun, but exhausting this media circle jerk has been for the past week. Also, we need to tell everybody about that great dinner we had at that local chophouse.
C1: We've definitely been partaking in the fine cuisine this city has to offer. Their local specialties, in particular, are exquisite.
C2: Absolutely, and last night, we were having dinner, just enjoying our meal, minding our own business, maybe or maybe not sampling the local micro brews. When who should walk in? A random starter on one of the Super Bowl teams!
C1: Great kid, great kid. Signing autographs for all the fans, taking pictures, cracking jokes. Just having fun like a regular guy. It was just like hanging out with one of the fellas.
C2: I don't know what "fellas" you've been hanging out with. None of my friends has a girlfriend that smokin' hot... Hahaha...
C1: Hahaha... Wow! You aren't kidding, she's a little bit of alright, that particular player's girlfriend, that's for sure... Hey, look who it is sitting down to join us, random player from a Super Bowl 20 years ago! How's it going, big guy?
Random Player: Good, great to be here, thanks for having me.
C1: Our pleasure, so who you got in this one?
RP: I like Team A. I think their front four can get pressure on Team B's QB without blitzing, and that's going to allow them to sit back and play zone, and it's forcing Team B's QB to throw before going through his normal progressions. Look, Team B's QB is one of the best in the game right now, there's no doubt he can hurt you with his arm when he gets in a rhythm, we saw it in the AFC or NFC championship game. But when he's not able to set his feet, he's human. And that's the key, I think. Team A's front four out-physicalling Team B's o-line will be the difference in the game.
C2: You're no stranger to the big game yourself. What do you make of the controversial comments made by Team A's backup safety. As somebody who's been there before, how will that impact the game?
RP: You know, at the end of the day, I'm not sure it will have any impact. It's, you know, fodder for the media, and all that, but what it comes down to is, game day execution. Once you get between those harsh marks, you throw out all that... you know, my old legendary coach used to call it noise... He'd always say "shut out the noise and just play football". I think the talking heads, myself included, sometimes are looking for a story, and they blow this type of thing out of proportion. It's just football. To the players, it's just football. It's not rocket science, it's not really that complicated.
C1: Good stuff, as always... I hear you've been doing something with a corporate sponsor, what can you tell us about that?
RP: That's right. I've been with this corporation for a few years now, and we're teamed up with the NFL to promote something that has to do with the wellness of kids. You know, a lot of these kids come from disadvantaged backgrounds, and they lack this particular good or service that we're providing, so it's just a way to give back to the community. You know, God blessed me with the talent and opportunity to play in the National Football League for 12 years, that's something most people don't get to do, so now I think it's important to give back.
C1: Alright, thanks, buddy... And hey, try to lay off that particular fattening food that's a specialty in this city, OK?
RP: Hahaha... No sir... that's why I played fullback, diets are for halfbacks.
C1: Hahaha... Well, it's bang-bang here during Super Bowl week. One guest leaves, another one enters. It's random somewhat big-name entertainer! How you been?
Random Entertainer: Yo, I been good, just soakin' in all the 'lectricity that's in the air here.
C1: Yeah, what an atmosphere. Who you got? You pulling for anybody in this one?
RE: Ya know, I ain't really pulling for nobody. I grew up in a city not represented in this Super Bowl, so I'm a fan of the team from that city.
C2: I'm sorry.
RE: Haha... Yo, it's rough sometimes. They had some rough years lately. But I grew up watching them really good teams with that one really good player, so I can't turn my back on 'em now... In fact, I'll tell you a little anecdote about growing up on the streets of that city, illustrating the importance of their local team to my upbringing. I'll get some of the details wrong, so that perceptive sports fans will be able to tell that I'm exaggerating my affection for the team, but it will be mildly entertaining.
[Anecdote]
C1: Great story! But, you know, you're making me feel really old, now. You grew up watching that one really good player?! He won his first Super Bowl the year I got married?! Hahaha... So you got a new song or album or movie or something like that coming out now, right?
RE: That's right, it's got a good catchy name, and I feel like it's my best work yet.
C1: Where can fans go to find it?
RE: Y'all can find it on my website or at iTunes or Netflix. It's selling for a very affordable price, so, yo, check it out, it's poppin'.
C2: Well, I for one, will definitely do that. I'm a huge fan. I was listen to or watching your previous work on the flight down here. Loved it, but how lame is this? My daughter is the one who got me into you! I'm now taking my pop culture cues from a 13 year-old girl. I used to be cool, I swear!... So want do you think of the halftime performer?
RE: I have the utmost respect for that individual, and I can't wait to see he or she do his or her thing.
C1: Neither can we, among other things. Thank you RE, it's been some kind of wonderful having you sit down here with us.
RE: My pleasure. Thanks for having me.
C1: Alright ladies and gentlemen, we're out of time now. But don't worry, we will be back next week. Quickly, C2, give us the word or phrase you're gonna be sick of by the end of this trip.
C2: How about your name?
C1: Haha... well, there you have it, folks. Until next time...
*One of my favorite quotes of all-time came from a former classmate of mine in grad school. He had a very cynical, self-loathing sense of humor, and one time toward the end of the day, he said, "Well, I guess it's time for me to go home and watch Around the Horn, and wish I was doing something else."
The good thing about having almost everything on demand today is that you can bypass the vast majority of the schlock and still follow sports (I have my own little niche of sports podcasts, websites, and TV shows that I enjoy), but the Super Bowl is such a behemoth that it infiltrates even the good stuff. Every podcast, for example, feels compelled to have at least one on-site Super Bowl show; it's almost always among the worst shows of the year, and it's almost always the same as every other show on the market. It goes a little something like this...
Commentator 1: Hey everybody welcome to the Super Bowl episode of my podcast. We're coming at you live from the city in which the Super Bowl is being played this year. With me as always, Commentator 2.
Commentator 2: Yeah, get it on!
C1: Great show today. We've got a random Super Bowl performer from the past lined up for you, not a household name, but certainly a guy football fans will remember, and then we also have a random, somewhat big-name entertainer, so that should be fun.
C2: Absolutely, but first we have to mention how fun, but exhausting this media circle jerk has been for the past week. Also, we need to tell everybody about that great dinner we had at that local chophouse.
C1: We've definitely been partaking in the fine cuisine this city has to offer. Their local specialties, in particular, are exquisite.
C2: Absolutely, and last night, we were having dinner, just enjoying our meal, minding our own business, maybe or maybe not sampling the local micro brews. When who should walk in? A random starter on one of the Super Bowl teams!
C1: Great kid, great kid. Signing autographs for all the fans, taking pictures, cracking jokes. Just having fun like a regular guy. It was just like hanging out with one of the fellas.
C2: I don't know what "fellas" you've been hanging out with. None of my friends has a girlfriend that smokin' hot... Hahaha...
C1: Hahaha... Wow! You aren't kidding, she's a little bit of alright, that particular player's girlfriend, that's for sure... Hey, look who it is sitting down to join us, random player from a Super Bowl 20 years ago! How's it going, big guy?
Random Player: Good, great to be here, thanks for having me.
C1: Our pleasure, so who you got in this one?
RP: I like Team A. I think their front four can get pressure on Team B's QB without blitzing, and that's going to allow them to sit back and play zone, and it's forcing Team B's QB to throw before going through his normal progressions. Look, Team B's QB is one of the best in the game right now, there's no doubt he can hurt you with his arm when he gets in a rhythm, we saw it in the AFC or NFC championship game. But when he's not able to set his feet, he's human. And that's the key, I think. Team A's front four out-physicalling Team B's o-line will be the difference in the game.
C2: You're no stranger to the big game yourself. What do you make of the controversial comments made by Team A's backup safety. As somebody who's been there before, how will that impact the game?
RP: You know, at the end of the day, I'm not sure it will have any impact. It's, you know, fodder for the media, and all that, but what it comes down to is, game day execution. Once you get between those harsh marks, you throw out all that... you know, my old legendary coach used to call it noise... He'd always say "shut out the noise and just play football". I think the talking heads, myself included, sometimes are looking for a story, and they blow this type of thing out of proportion. It's just football. To the players, it's just football. It's not rocket science, it's not really that complicated.
C1: Good stuff, as always... I hear you've been doing something with a corporate sponsor, what can you tell us about that?
RP: That's right. I've been with this corporation for a few years now, and we're teamed up with the NFL to promote something that has to do with the wellness of kids. You know, a lot of these kids come from disadvantaged backgrounds, and they lack this particular good or service that we're providing, so it's just a way to give back to the community. You know, God blessed me with the talent and opportunity to play in the National Football League for 12 years, that's something most people don't get to do, so now I think it's important to give back.
C1: Alright, thanks, buddy... And hey, try to lay off that particular fattening food that's a specialty in this city, OK?
RP: Hahaha... No sir... that's why I played fullback, diets are for halfbacks.
C1: Hahaha... Well, it's bang-bang here during Super Bowl week. One guest leaves, another one enters. It's random somewhat big-name entertainer! How you been?
Random Entertainer: Yo, I been good, just soakin' in all the 'lectricity that's in the air here.
C1: Yeah, what an atmosphere. Who you got? You pulling for anybody in this one?
RE: Ya know, I ain't really pulling for nobody. I grew up in a city not represented in this Super Bowl, so I'm a fan of the team from that city.
C2: I'm sorry.
RE: Haha... Yo, it's rough sometimes. They had some rough years lately. But I grew up watching them really good teams with that one really good player, so I can't turn my back on 'em now... In fact, I'll tell you a little anecdote about growing up on the streets of that city, illustrating the importance of their local team to my upbringing. I'll get some of the details wrong, so that perceptive sports fans will be able to tell that I'm exaggerating my affection for the team, but it will be mildly entertaining.
[Anecdote]
C1: Great story! But, you know, you're making me feel really old, now. You grew up watching that one really good player?! He won his first Super Bowl the year I got married?! Hahaha... So you got a new song or album or movie or something like that coming out now, right?
RE: That's right, it's got a good catchy name, and I feel like it's my best work yet.
C1: Where can fans go to find it?
RE: Y'all can find it on my website or at iTunes or Netflix. It's selling for a very affordable price, so, yo, check it out, it's poppin'.
C2: Well, I for one, will definitely do that. I'm a huge fan. I was listen to or watching your previous work on the flight down here. Loved it, but how lame is this? My daughter is the one who got me into you! I'm now taking my pop culture cues from a 13 year-old girl. I used to be cool, I swear!... So want do you think of the halftime performer?
RE: I have the utmost respect for that individual, and I can't wait to see he or she do his or her thing.
C1: Neither can we, among other things. Thank you RE, it's been some kind of wonderful having you sit down here with us.
RE: My pleasure. Thanks for having me.
C1: Alright ladies and gentlemen, we're out of time now. But don't worry, we will be back next week. Quickly, C2, give us the word or phrase you're gonna be sick of by the end of this trip.
C2: How about your name?
C1: Haha... well, there you have it, folks. Until next time...
*One of my favorite quotes of all-time came from a former classmate of mine in grad school. He had a very cynical, self-loathing sense of humor, and one time toward the end of the day, he said, "Well, I guess it's time for me to go home and watch Around the Horn, and wish I was doing something else."
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