The little guy has been sleeping better since my last entry, but he still isn't letting his parents get enough sleep. He doesn't seem to be particularly close to sleeping through the night. Last night he woke up at 8:30 p.m. (which was especially disheartening, being that we put him to sleep around 7:15) and then three more times throughout the night/morning. And this seems to be the new normal. He's regressing. Our nanny-share couple told us that their son now only wakes up once total throughout the night, which sounds like heaven. Lil' S seems to be a little behind the average schedule, in general, maybe because he came out early (he also doesn't have any teeth yet, and he's pretty small). I'm interested to see what will happen when we start mixing some solid food into his diet (this weekend). Baby lore has it that this will help him sleep through the night, but our pediatrician says that that's bunk, so it's probably bunk, she's the expert, after all. But even if it is probably bunk, at this point I'm eager to try it anyway, just because... I mean, it can't hurt, right?
In other news, I got hit up by the Girl Scouts when I was taking Lil' S for a walk this morning. I ended up buying a bunch of cookies that I don't really want. I should've just donated the money for nothing. No sense losing my money and expanding my gut. I used to love Girl Scout cookies -- as a kid, I imagined the Samoans (a.k.a. Carmel deLites) were the a real-life version of Willy Wonka's Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar -- but now, I think they're kinda overrated. Eh... maybe I can take them in to work and get rid of them that way.
I wasn't planning on buying anything. I wanted to say no, but the little girls suckered me in. They were just too cute. They had this little dance choreographed to attract attention -- they were working hard to bring in business. It's funny to see how little kids behave. There was the super outgoing alpha girl who was initiating contact with all the potential customers and then directing all the other little girls. And then there was the little meek girl who just stood in the corner. I asked her what types of cookies they had, and her mom nudged her, and then she said in the quietest, most monotone, most unassuming, most memorized voice possible, "Tagalongs, Samoans, thin mint, trefoils, and dos-si-dos". I bought three boxes at $4 a pop, gave them a twenty and told them to donate the change to charity -- that's just how I roll. It's for a good cause -- a good Christian, anti-gay cause.*
Some of the moms started chatting with me about Lil' S. They asked me if he was letting us get any sleep. When I respond facetiously, "Pfft... Yeah, right", they all laughed knowingly. One mom told me to just enjoy this phase because it's over so quickly in the grand scheme of things. Sound advice, but when you're up at 3 a.m., lying in bed, listening to a bawling six-month old, so tired and defeated that praying to God (as an atheist) seems like the best chance you have at some peace and quiet -- it's not really that helpful.
I definitely want Lil S' to start sleeping through the night, but I recognize that the next phase just brings with it a new set of problems and worries. I listened to two radio bits on NPR, one on teenage gang violence, the other on teenage cyber-bullying, and thought to myself, "Swell, this is what I have to look forward to someday." Gang violence probably won't be a direct problem, because we live in a decent neighborhood and plan on sending our kid to a decent school, but there is always the residual effect, especially living in D.C. proper. The particular piece I listened to on gangs was quite heart-wrenching; it was about a school is Chicago, where just about every boy is a member of gang. What happened is, law enforcement very effectively brought down the major gangs (think Bloods and Crips), 20 years ago or so, so instead of two or three gangs, now every block has it's own gang, and you're essentially born into it just by living on the block. They're not even really gangs in the traditional sense. They're not organized or hierarchical, but, and this is the key, they still have gun battles. They still kill each other. And all the grownups at the school can really do is just control the damage as much as possible. They can't stop it. It's really sad. Of course, the solution is so simple in theory. There just need to be more dads. That's it. Men stick around, women only have babies with men who will stick around -- problem 90% solved. How you implement this in practice, I'm not really sure.
The cyber-bullying thing is a whole other deal. We're in a weird gap right now, where we have all this new technology and social media is thriving, but we haven't work out all the kinks yet. I'm hoping (probably naively) that by the time Lil' S is old enough we will have solved the cyber-bullying thing a bit. Then we can get back to worrying about just good ol' fashioned regular bullying.
I was never really bullied nor did I every really do any bullying growing up. I went through typical kid "drama", but nothing serious. There was one time that I teetered on being a bully, but it was mostly inadvertent. That's one thing I think people miss sometimes with bullying. What one kid thinks is bullying, another kid thinks is just busting chops which goes on a lot. Teenagers, boys especially, are jackasses, and I mean that like in the show Jackass, they do and say stupid shit to each other, even to their friends. I've seen a guy pee on another guy in the shower, a guy put his dick on another guy's forehead while he was benchpressing (particular devious and hilarious because the "dickee" was holding the barbell and couldn't do anything about it), a guy throw a Doritos bag full of water on another guy while he was crapping, a guy throw a penny into the butt crack of the girl sitting in front of him who had on saggy jeans (impressive aim)... And those are just off the top of my head. At the time, I never considered any of these acts bullying nor did the people involved (I don't think), but they certainly wouldn't sound good on a 20/20 piece.
Anyway, in my story, there was this kid named AE who rode the bus with me in 8th grade. AE was really effeminate, well, not so much effeminate as androgynous. He was one of those people where guessing his race and sex was a total crap shoot. If somebody told me he was a black male, I'd believe it. If somebody else said Persian female, I'd believe that too. Anyway, AE and I used to shoot the shit; we weren't friends, but we were often the only two 8th graders on the bus, so we'd talk almost out of necessity. He was a neighborhood acquaintance. I used to tease him a lot, which I thought was part of our rapport, but he saw things differently. I used to talk to him in a faux-queer voice, which especially bothered him. The thing is, for the most part I was just treating him like I treated my buddies. It never occurred to me that this kid was different, that he actually had some deep-seated identity issues and was struggling with his sexuality (I'm not sure I even knew what that meant back then). When I went home I didn't give my interactions with AE a second thought; when he went home he was really bothered by them. So one day he did something remarkably mature: he called me on the phone and asked me to stop teasing him**. It completely worked. I remember being really taken aback and confused and weirded out by the ordeal, but I stopped. And that was that.
Years later, after graduating high school, I saw AE's picture on a flyer in a coffee shop for a gay support group, and, remembering the phone call, I felt more than a bit like an asshole. Years after that I saw him at a Starbucks in my home town while visiting from grad school; he was carrying a little dog, and was undeniably a gay man. He came up to me and we had the following conservation:
Him: Hello, DG
Me: Hi
Him: It's AE, we went to CHS together, we used to ride the bus together in junior high
Me: I know, I remember
Him: Well, that was sure a long time ago, wasn't it?
Me: Yeah, I guess it was.
He walked off, and that was that, again.
And that's that for this entry. Until next time...
*In all seriousness, I obviously don't agree with the you-must-believe-in-God, anti-gay tenets of the Boy and Girl Scouts, but I still appreciate what they do for a lot of kids. I mean, these girls seemed to be just having fun, learning important life skills, staying out of trouble, and participating positively in their local community. Who can't support that?
**By the way, the interviewee on the cyber-bullying podcast said that one of the most effective ways a kid can get another kid to stop posting mean things about them online is to simple ask him or her to stop.
In other news, I got hit up by the Girl Scouts when I was taking Lil' S for a walk this morning. I ended up buying a bunch of cookies that I don't really want. I should've just donated the money for nothing. No sense losing my money and expanding my gut. I used to love Girl Scout cookies -- as a kid, I imagined the Samoans (a.k.a. Carmel deLites) were the a real-life version of Willy Wonka's Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar -- but now, I think they're kinda overrated. Eh... maybe I can take them in to work and get rid of them that way.
I wasn't planning on buying anything. I wanted to say no, but the little girls suckered me in. They were just too cute. They had this little dance choreographed to attract attention -- they were working hard to bring in business. It's funny to see how little kids behave. There was the super outgoing alpha girl who was initiating contact with all the potential customers and then directing all the other little girls. And then there was the little meek girl who just stood in the corner. I asked her what types of cookies they had, and her mom nudged her, and then she said in the quietest, most monotone, most unassuming, most memorized voice possible, "Tagalongs, Samoans, thin mint, trefoils, and dos-si-dos". I bought three boxes at $4 a pop, gave them a twenty and told them to donate the change to charity -- that's just how I roll. It's for a good cause -- a good Christian, anti-gay cause.*
Some of the moms started chatting with me about Lil' S. They asked me if he was letting us get any sleep. When I respond facetiously, "Pfft... Yeah, right", they all laughed knowingly. One mom told me to just enjoy this phase because it's over so quickly in the grand scheme of things. Sound advice, but when you're up at 3 a.m., lying in bed, listening to a bawling six-month old, so tired and defeated that praying to God (as an atheist) seems like the best chance you have at some peace and quiet -- it's not really that helpful.
I definitely want Lil S' to start sleeping through the night, but I recognize that the next phase just brings with it a new set of problems and worries. I listened to two radio bits on NPR, one on teenage gang violence, the other on teenage cyber-bullying, and thought to myself, "Swell, this is what I have to look forward to someday." Gang violence probably won't be a direct problem, because we live in a decent neighborhood and plan on sending our kid to a decent school, but there is always the residual effect, especially living in D.C. proper. The particular piece I listened to on gangs was quite heart-wrenching; it was about a school is Chicago, where just about every boy is a member of gang. What happened is, law enforcement very effectively brought down the major gangs (think Bloods and Crips), 20 years ago or so, so instead of two or three gangs, now every block has it's own gang, and you're essentially born into it just by living on the block. They're not even really gangs in the traditional sense. They're not organized or hierarchical, but, and this is the key, they still have gun battles. They still kill each other. And all the grownups at the school can really do is just control the damage as much as possible. They can't stop it. It's really sad. Of course, the solution is so simple in theory. There just need to be more dads. That's it. Men stick around, women only have babies with men who will stick around -- problem 90% solved. How you implement this in practice, I'm not really sure.
The cyber-bullying thing is a whole other deal. We're in a weird gap right now, where we have all this new technology and social media is thriving, but we haven't work out all the kinks yet. I'm hoping (probably naively) that by the time Lil' S is old enough we will have solved the cyber-bullying thing a bit. Then we can get back to worrying about just good ol' fashioned regular bullying.
I was never really bullied nor did I every really do any bullying growing up. I went through typical kid "drama", but nothing serious. There was one time that I teetered on being a bully, but it was mostly inadvertent. That's one thing I think people miss sometimes with bullying. What one kid thinks is bullying, another kid thinks is just busting chops which goes on a lot. Teenagers, boys especially, are jackasses, and I mean that like in the show Jackass, they do and say stupid shit to each other, even to their friends. I've seen a guy pee on another guy in the shower, a guy put his dick on another guy's forehead while he was benchpressing (particular devious and hilarious because the "dickee" was holding the barbell and couldn't do anything about it), a guy throw a Doritos bag full of water on another guy while he was crapping, a guy throw a penny into the butt crack of the girl sitting in front of him who had on saggy jeans (impressive aim)... And those are just off the top of my head. At the time, I never considered any of these acts bullying nor did the people involved (I don't think), but they certainly wouldn't sound good on a 20/20 piece.
Anyway, in my story, there was this kid named AE who rode the bus with me in 8th grade. AE was really effeminate, well, not so much effeminate as androgynous. He was one of those people where guessing his race and sex was a total crap shoot. If somebody told me he was a black male, I'd believe it. If somebody else said Persian female, I'd believe that too. Anyway, AE and I used to shoot the shit; we weren't friends, but we were often the only two 8th graders on the bus, so we'd talk almost out of necessity. He was a neighborhood acquaintance. I used to tease him a lot, which I thought was part of our rapport, but he saw things differently. I used to talk to him in a faux-queer voice, which especially bothered him. The thing is, for the most part I was just treating him like I treated my buddies. It never occurred to me that this kid was different, that he actually had some deep-seated identity issues and was struggling with his sexuality (I'm not sure I even knew what that meant back then). When I went home I didn't give my interactions with AE a second thought; when he went home he was really bothered by them. So one day he did something remarkably mature: he called me on the phone and asked me to stop teasing him**. It completely worked. I remember being really taken aback and confused and weirded out by the ordeal, but I stopped. And that was that.
Years later, after graduating high school, I saw AE's picture on a flyer in a coffee shop for a gay support group, and, remembering the phone call, I felt more than a bit like an asshole. Years after that I saw him at a Starbucks in my home town while visiting from grad school; he was carrying a little dog, and was undeniably a gay man. He came up to me and we had the following conservation:
Him: Hello, DG
Me: Hi
Him: It's AE, we went to CHS together, we used to ride the bus together in junior high
Me: I know, I remember
Him: Well, that was sure a long time ago, wasn't it?
Me: Yeah, I guess it was.
He walked off, and that was that, again.
And that's that for this entry. Until next time...
*In all seriousness, I obviously don't agree with the you-must-believe-in-God, anti-gay tenets of the Boy and Girl Scouts, but I still appreciate what they do for a lot of kids. I mean, these girls seemed to be just having fun, learning important life skills, staying out of trouble, and participating positively in their local community. Who can't support that?
**By the way, the interviewee on the cyber-bullying podcast said that one of the most effective ways a kid can get another kid to stop posting mean things about them online is to simple ask him or her to stop.
I agree with you on the whole "bullying unawares" thing. I know that I went along with groups of kids who were pretty hostile to kids who were different, until I had a good enough picture to who I was to realize how cruel and pointless it is. Luckily, it didn't happen much but enough that I remember a couple of regrettable instances.
ReplyDeleteI also had a very effeminate and openly gay guy in my high school class and I always felt bad for the crap he took (never from me, I actually didn't know him much at all). I saw him again at my 20th reunion last fall and he looked happy and confident and brought his boyfriend. Everyone welcomed him and I was really glad to see how much better the world's gotten in those two decades.
On a totally different note, I think a certain subgroup of Pacific Islanders will be upset with you for confusing them with Girl Scout cookies. That's OK, I constantly refer to them as Samosas (I had to Google to find out that the name of the cookie is actually "Samoas").
Yeah, there is legitimate bullying, no doubt, and I remember certain kids getting it way above and beyond typical razzing, but there's also just immaturity.
ReplyDeleteSamoas, you say? Alright. I just figured if you could have a doughnut called a Berliner, you could have a cookie called a Samoan. I should've stuck with Caramel deLites, that's what I knew them as growing.
Samosas are delicious, BTW.
So just give me a call if you want to talk about the sleeping issue. We had a terrible time with B, like crying with him at 4am after he had woken up for the 6th(!) time, terrible time.
ReplyDeleteWe tried a lot of different things and talked with a lot of different people and finally found the only thing that worked for us was letting him cry until he fell asleep. It took us months to get to that place, but when we finally just let him go, it took over an hour (which is an incredibly long time and not at all average), but he went from waking up every 90mins to sleeping 11hrs straight! Of course, after that we kept up with the bedtime routine, but then we just put him down and he cried however long he cried. Sometimes it was 20mins sometimes it was 40, but it was never an hour again and he averaged 9hrs a night. It changed our lives. He cried for an entire summer (again not at all usual, most kids only do it 3-5 nights), but eventually stopped and was a champion nighttime sleeper from that first cry-it-out night. And I mean champion, never got into bed with us and never wandered, and transitioned into a real bed with not one hitch. Napping... that's another story.
Thanks, K. The cry-it-out method seems to be the consensus solution. I'm all for it, but S always cracks. (She's working up the gall to do it soon though, there are only so many sleepless nights one can take.) Actually, he's been OK the last few nights. I'm not getting my hopes up though.
ReplyDeleteOh tell S I had to leave the house. I couldn't stand to hear him cry even when I was exhausted, knew he was fine, and it was for the best. I would take a drive or take the dog for a walk and Fuj would call me when it was safe to come home. My SIL told me she read something basically saying a baby's crying will trigger actual panic in a mother. Good for the baby, bad for the mom.
ReplyDelete