On an old flash drive, I recently came across a Word document containing entries from a blog I used to keep on MySpace, back before MySpace became uncool and everybody migrated to Facebook for reasons unknown to me (I just followed along). Since I'm a bit short on free time this week, I figured I'd post something from this old blog. Enjoy a little "Classic Crocodile".
(By the way, I'm copying and pasting this directly, so if there are typos you can't get mad at me. Well, you can, but you have to do it five years ago.)
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2/22/08
I got my haircut today. It was 15 minutes of pain. The stylist (the receptionist said that since I had long hair, i.e. not a buzz-cut, she would specifically set me up with a stylist, not a barber) was one of the most irritating people I've ever had talk at me. Her mouth was directly at ear level also, which makes a big difference. There was no distance to soften the intensity of her sound waves. They were able to hammer my eardrum unabated. It was terrible.
When I first sat down in her chair I told her to shave it on the side with a 3 guard, blend it up, and trim it on top. That’s how I’ve done it the other 176 times I’ve had my haircut as an adult. She said, “huh… so do you want it shaved on the sides, or do you just want a normal haircut?”
“ Uh… I guess a normal haircut, but usually they use clippers on the side… it usually ends up looking pretty norm-… I mean, is that not a normal haircut?”
“It’s just like I was telling the customer before. Guys always come in her asking for their sides shaved, but all they want is a normal haircut. Why don’t they just ask for that? I never understood it. I used to teach a class and I’d always talk
about the normal haircut, etc., etc.”
She went on for a solid five minutes about the normal haircut (which I ended up getting, and for the record, it does look quite normal). Then she just said whatever she was thinking, no matter how incoherent or insignificant. It was as if she couldn’t think a thought without verbalizing it, and she’d end everything with, “I know, right?” Even though I didn’t say anything, she answered her own non-sequiturs with, “I know, right?” Anyway, luckily she moved quickly, or I would have just walked out, and then my hair would be all fucked-up and half-cut.
***
So I was thinking today if society would be better off without car horns. If everything in the world was the same, but cars didn’t have horns, would the aggregate effect be a plus, or a minus? I came to the conclusion that it would be a plus, maybe a big plus. The obvious downside is that occasionally one’s horn prevents somebody from running into them. Like if somebody is changing lanes and doesn’t see you, if you have no horn, you can’t do much about it. But I think the instances in which the horn actually matters are extremely rare. Usually they hit you anyway, because you honk too late or because they can’t react fast enough, or they see you and veer away, or you can veer away. The honk, I feel, is largely ineffective. Primarily it is used as a way to signify one’s anger which just heightens the general rage level and makes the roads more dangerous.
For instance, if somebody is “blocking the box” which happens frequently in DC everybody lays on their horns, but there is no place for the person to go. If they could get out of the way they would. The fact that they are stuck is precisely the problem. Granted they should not have tried to make it across the intersection in the first place, but honking about it is not going to do anything about that. It’s just noise pollution, and it makes people stressed out and pissed off, which are probably not the best states to be in while driving (or really doing anything, for that matter, except maybe fighting). Another example: the other day I was awoken rudely, because a woman on my street was honking at the garbage truck who was taking up the entire street and driving quite slowly (which is very reasonable, the streets are narrow, and they were collecting trash). Of course the garbage men didn’t give a shit. They just kept on doing their thing, so the entire neighborhood had to hear this bitchy lady’s horn all the way up the street, for nothing. It didn’t get her anywhere more quickly. And by the way, there’s a little turn-in where she could have just turned around. I try to use my horn sparingly (although tonight somebody cut me off badly and I honked and flipped them off, illustrating precisely why horns are bad). I do like to give a little beep if somebody doesn’t notice a light has changed, but I would gladly give that up for a car-horn-free world.
By the way, “About a Boy” -- really, really good so far. I’m about 2/3 of the way through it, and it’s. I’m curious to see it now.
[2013 DG here. I've somewhat changed my stance on car horns. I still think they're a net negative for society, but I'm not sure my "block the box" rationale is sound. Honking at people who block the box might be an effective way of shaming them into not doing it again in future. It's tough to say.]
(By the way, I'm copying and pasting this directly, so if there are typos you can't get mad at me. Well, you can, but you have to do it five years ago.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2/22/08
I got my haircut today. It was 15 minutes of pain. The stylist (the receptionist said that since I had long hair, i.e. not a buzz-cut, she would specifically set me up with a stylist, not a barber) was one of the most irritating people I've ever had talk at me. Her mouth was directly at ear level also, which makes a big difference. There was no distance to soften the intensity of her sound waves. They were able to hammer my eardrum unabated. It was terrible.
When I first sat down in her chair I told her to shave it on the side with a 3 guard, blend it up, and trim it on top. That’s how I’ve done it the other 176 times I’ve had my haircut as an adult. She said, “huh… so do you want it shaved on the sides, or do you just want a normal haircut?”
“ Uh… I guess a normal haircut, but usually they use clippers on the side… it usually ends up looking pretty norm-… I mean, is that not a normal haircut?”
“It’s just like I was telling the customer before. Guys always come in her asking for their sides shaved, but all they want is a normal haircut.
She went on for a solid five minutes about the normal haircut (which I ended up getting, and for the record, it does look quite normal). Then she just said whatever she was thinking, no matter how incoherent or insignificant. It was as if she couldn’t think a thought without verbalizing it, and she’d end everything with, “I know, right?” Even though I didn’t say anything, she answered her own non-sequiturs with, “I know, right?” Anyway, luckily she moved quickly, or I would have just walked out, and then my hair would be all fucked-up and half-cut.
***
So I was thinking today if society would be better off without car horns. If everything in the world was the same, but cars didn’t have horns, would the aggregate effect be a plus, or a minus? I came to the conclusion that it would be a plus, maybe a big plus. The obvious downside is that occasionally one’s horn prevents somebody from running into them. Like if somebody is changing lanes and doesn’t see you, if you have no horn, you can’t do much about it. But I think the instances in which the horn actually matters are extremely rare. Usually they hit you anyway, because you honk too late or because they can’t react fast enough, or they see you and veer away, or you can veer away. The honk, I feel, is largely ineffective. Primarily it is used as a way to signify one’s anger which just heightens the general rage level and makes the roads more dangerous.
For instance, if somebody is “blocking the box” which happens frequently in DC everybody lays on their horns, but there is no place for the person to go. If they could get out of the way they would. The fact that they are stuck is precisely the problem. Granted they should not have tried to make it across the intersection in the first place, but honking about it is not going to do anything about that. It’s just noise pollution, and it makes people stressed out and pissed off, which are probably not the best states to be in while driving (or really doing anything, for that matter, except maybe fighting). Another example: the other day I was awoken rudely, because a woman on my street was honking at the garbage truck who was taking up the entire street and driving quite slowly (which is very reasonable, the streets are narrow, and they were collecting trash). Of course the garbage men didn’t give a shit. They just kept on doing their thing, so the entire neighborhood had to hear this bitchy lady’s horn all the way up the street, for nothing. It didn’t get her anywhere more quickly. And by the way, there’s a little turn-in where she could have just turned around. I try to use my horn sparingly (although tonight somebody cut me off badly and I honked and flipped them off, illustrating precisely why horns are bad). I do like to give a little beep if somebody doesn’t notice a light has changed, but I would gladly give that up for a car-horn-free world.
By the way, “About a Boy” -- really, really good so far. I’m about 2/3 of the way through it, and it’s. I’m curious to see it now.
[2013 DG here. I've somewhat changed my stance on car horns. I still think they're a net negative for society, but I'm not sure my "block the box" rationale is sound. Honking at people who block the box might be an effective way of shaming them into not doing it again in future. It's tough to say.]
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