Entry 196: The 'Hood, One Year Down

It has now been one year in the 'hood for me -- fatherhood, that is.  And in that year I've developed enough material to fill a hack-y comedy book.

Here are some of my thoughts.

• All childbirth classes and childbirth books are a waste of time and money.  I sorta suspected this before I had a kid, now I know it for sure.
• It's not fair that breastfeeding mothers have to be the ones who wake up and do all the nighttime feedings, but it worked out very well for me.
• My kid was breech, and he has two top teeth stubs, but nothing on the bottom.  I think he's developing upside down.
• The only OTC medicine I'll give my kid is fever reducer if he has a fever.  I'm convinced everything is else bunk.
• A decent smell-resistant diaper pale is a good investment.  Slight wafts of poo is a huge upgrade from an effluvial deluge of poo.
• My wife is much more into sterilization than I am. 
• You find yourself hanging out with adults who happen to have a kid the same age as yours much more than your friends.
• Breaking Bad is a great show.  This has nothing to do with kids.  I just still have last night's episode rattling around in my brain.  I'm completely buying into the Breaking Bad hype, reading the "precaps" and recaps and all that.  Bryan Cranston might be the greatest actor ever.  If you think this is hyperbole then ask yourself how it is that Walt White and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle can possibly be the same person.  I literally can't get these two characters to cohere in my head.
  
  
   
• My son is super small (like third percentile in weight), but he's fast and agile.  I feel like after you say your kid is super small, you have to follow it up with something he or she does well.
• Kids can fall distances of up to three feet onto hard surfaces and have not so much as a bruise on them.
• Sick kids are awful.  Mothers' of sick kids aren't exactly rays of sunshine either.
• Pictures of kids are the best part of Facebook.
• The worst part about being a parent is having to put up with all the stupid shit (music, videos, toys, etc.) your kid likes.  Things like The Muppet Show are a godsend.
• My son has long curls in the back, and I really want to give him a baby mullet, but my wife doesn't like the idea.
• Babies and evening parties at which there are no other babies are a bad mix.
• We had a party recently, and we started it at 11 a.m., and it all made perfect sense.
• Somehow babies know which remote control actually controls the device you're using, and they want it.
• The lack of sleep is the one thing all parents say completely sucks about being a parent that completely sucks.

 Speaking of which, it's getting late.

Until next time...