Before we had kids, when S was pregnant, the most annoying thing people who were already parents used to tell us was, "You have no idea how much this is going to change your life!" Now that I am a parent, I can confirm that this is indeed annoying, and will try to never do it to any soon-to-be parents I might encounter. In general, I don't like how parents often act (especially toward non-parents) as if they are part of an exclusive club, when in actuality -- like, what? -- two billion people have kids.
With that said, there are definitely a few things about having children that are very difficult -- the extent to which you just don't truly get as a kid-less individual. Sleep deprivation is the biggest one. Everybody warns you about it, but unless you actually experience it, you don't really get how awful it is. Tending to a sick child is another one. It's terrible. For one thing, if you and your spouse both work, then it means somebody has to stay home. It destroys your routine, and often times deciding who is going to be the one to call in sick leads to the dreaded I-do-more-work-than-you fight to which no set of parents is immune. For another thing, sick kids are fussy as hell! It is a double whammy of suckitude.
I bring this up, of course, because Lil' S1 came down with a vicious fever a few nights ago. It peaked at 104.3, and we were on the verge of taking him to the hospital, but the Children's Tylenol we gave him brought it down to the hot-but-not-dangerously-hot 101.5. We had to page the doctor at like 12:30 in the morning, which is never fun, and it caused a mini fight, because I told the person running the answering service that the issue was "a really high fever," instead of specifying the exact temperature, to underscore the urgency, as S said I should have done. I'm chalking this one up to exhaustion from both parties.
Anyway, he is doing a little better now, but he is still cranky and enervated (I tried taking him to his first soccer practice today, and he just stood there and cried for five minutes, so we went home), and we had to keep him out of school Thursday and Friday. Luckily, S is not working right now, so nobody had to miss work (I'm really short on leave until next year). Unluckily, she has another kid -- a baby -- to take care of during the day as well. Luckily, her mom is around to help out. Unluckily, there are things her mom can't do (like nurse Lil' S2), and Lil' S1 goes into full-on "mamma's boy mode" when he's sick and most the time wants nothing to do with his Ava. So it is really taxing on S, which in turn makes it taxing on me, because as soon as I get home, I get a sick toddler dumped on me, and then once I get him to bed, I get the baby handed to me, so that S and her mom can sleep uninterrupted for a few hours. Once I get the baby to sleep, usually around 9:30 pm or so, it is the highlight of my day. I have a few hours to myself.
Of course, I'm usually too tired to fully appreciate it. I'm certainly too tired to do any physical activity, which is unfortunate, because I can feel myself slowly descending into an unhealthily stagnant lifestyle. I sit at a desk or in a car all day, and then sit on the couch all night. I'm trying to move more during the day, but it is difficult when your coworkers are expecting you to, you know, get your work done. It also doesn't help that S and I do not see eye-to-eye when it comes to exercise. She sees it as more of a luxury -- something you do in your leisure time, if you have any. I see it more as a life-maintenance thing. To me, it's like brushing your teeth: You can get away with not doing it for a while, but if you put it off everyday, there are going to be adverse consequences down the road. It really needs to be part of your regular routine.
Anyway, speaking of exercise, I wanted to weigh in on the "Dear Fat People" brouhaha. I don't think the video is very funny. It's got a couple good jokes in it (I chuckled at "meth shaming"), but for the most part it's just a screed against overweight people; she apparently forgot that "insult comedy" is still supposed to be comedy. With that said, I absolutely hate how much grief she is getting from everybody. I mean, c'mon, she's a comedian, not a nutritionist. She's trying to make people laugh, not running a Weight Watchers group. If you (like me) don't think it's funny, then turn it off, forget about it, and get on with your damn life. You really want to waste you time and emotional energy being offended by a sub-D-list comedian? If Donald Trump says something offensive about Mexican immigrants, it matters because he is running for president and could (God forbid) someday have influence over immigration policy. If a hyperactive chick with a video blog makes an offensive, (wannabe) humor video about fat people, it matters because ...? And it is also the case that her haters are the ones making her popular. I never would have heard of her or her video, if somebody didn't link to a story chastising her on Facebook.
By the way, lest you think I'm OK with fat shaming, I'm not. I do think that sometimes we enable obese people in ways we never would with other people partaking in self-destructive behavior. (My example is a really obese acquaintance, who loves making and eating baked goods. We all just eat her delicious desserts with her. But if she was an alcoholic, who brewed her own beer, nobody would feel comfortable drinking it with her.) Fat shaming is incredibly mean, which maybe I would be okay with, in a "tough love" sort of way, if it actually worked. But I don't think it does. Just as you don't reform drug addicts by making them criminals, you don't reform people's eating habits by insulting them. Not only does shaming not work, it might actually make things worse because it makes people feel bad about themselves, which drives them even more toward the comfort of their vice.
In general, anytime anybody justifies shaming by claiming it is "tough love" and that they are reforming unhealthy behavioral, you can pretty much call BS. It seems to me shaming is usually not even about the shamee it is all about the shamer. They are projecting their own insecurities -- or, in the case of "Dear Fat People," they are trying and failing, to be funny.
With that said, there are definitely a few things about having children that are very difficult -- the extent to which you just don't truly get as a kid-less individual. Sleep deprivation is the biggest one. Everybody warns you about it, but unless you actually experience it, you don't really get how awful it is. Tending to a sick child is another one. It's terrible. For one thing, if you and your spouse both work, then it means somebody has to stay home. It destroys your routine, and often times deciding who is going to be the one to call in sick leads to the dreaded I-do-more-work-than-you fight to which no set of parents is immune. For another thing, sick kids are fussy as hell! It is a double whammy of suckitude.
I bring this up, of course, because Lil' S1 came down with a vicious fever a few nights ago. It peaked at 104.3, and we were on the verge of taking him to the hospital, but the Children's Tylenol we gave him brought it down to the hot-but-not-dangerously-hot 101.5. We had to page the doctor at like 12:30 in the morning, which is never fun, and it caused a mini fight, because I told the person running the answering service that the issue was "a really high fever," instead of specifying the exact temperature, to underscore the urgency, as S said I should have done. I'm chalking this one up to exhaustion from both parties.
[In honor of Lil' S1 having a fever, I present to you Foreigner's "Hot Blooded" -- one of the greatest bad-lyric songs of all-time. "I'm hot-blooded, check it and see. I got a fever of 103. Come on baby, do you do more than dance? I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded." I mean, c'mon ladies, who isn't turned on by acute illness?]
Anyway, he is doing a little better now, but he is still cranky and enervated (I tried taking him to his first soccer practice today, and he just stood there and cried for five minutes, so we went home), and we had to keep him out of school Thursday and Friday. Luckily, S is not working right now, so nobody had to miss work (I'm really short on leave until next year). Unluckily, she has another kid -- a baby -- to take care of during the day as well. Luckily, her mom is around to help out. Unluckily, there are things her mom can't do (like nurse Lil' S2), and Lil' S1 goes into full-on "mamma's boy mode" when he's sick and most the time wants nothing to do with his Ava. So it is really taxing on S, which in turn makes it taxing on me, because as soon as I get home, I get a sick toddler dumped on me, and then once I get him to bed, I get the baby handed to me, so that S and her mom can sleep uninterrupted for a few hours. Once I get the baby to sleep, usually around 9:30 pm or so, it is the highlight of my day. I have a few hours to myself.
Of course, I'm usually too tired to fully appreciate it. I'm certainly too tired to do any physical activity, which is unfortunate, because I can feel myself slowly descending into an unhealthily stagnant lifestyle. I sit at a desk or in a car all day, and then sit on the couch all night. I'm trying to move more during the day, but it is difficult when your coworkers are expecting you to, you know, get your work done. It also doesn't help that S and I do not see eye-to-eye when it comes to exercise. She sees it as more of a luxury -- something you do in your leisure time, if you have any. I see it more as a life-maintenance thing. To me, it's like brushing your teeth: You can get away with not doing it for a while, but if you put it off everyday, there are going to be adverse consequences down the road. It really needs to be part of your regular routine.
Anyway, speaking of exercise, I wanted to weigh in on the "Dear Fat People" brouhaha. I don't think the video is very funny. It's got a couple good jokes in it (I chuckled at "meth shaming"), but for the most part it's just a screed against overweight people; she apparently forgot that "insult comedy" is still supposed to be comedy. With that said, I absolutely hate how much grief she is getting from everybody. I mean, c'mon, she's a comedian, not a nutritionist. She's trying to make people laugh, not running a Weight Watchers group. If you (like me) don't think it's funny, then turn it off, forget about it, and get on with your damn life. You really want to waste you time and emotional energy being offended by a sub-D-list comedian? If Donald Trump says something offensive about Mexican immigrants, it matters because he is running for president and could (God forbid) someday have influence over immigration policy. If a hyperactive chick with a video blog makes an offensive, (wannabe) humor video about fat people, it matters because ...? And it is also the case that her haters are the ones making her popular. I never would have heard of her or her video, if somebody didn't link to a story chastising her on Facebook.
By the way, lest you think I'm OK with fat shaming, I'm not. I do think that sometimes we enable obese people in ways we never would with other people partaking in self-destructive behavior. (My example is a really obese acquaintance, who loves making and eating baked goods. We all just eat her delicious desserts with her. But if she was an alcoholic, who brewed her own beer, nobody would feel comfortable drinking it with her.) Fat shaming is incredibly mean, which maybe I would be okay with, in a "tough love" sort of way, if it actually worked. But I don't think it does. Just as you don't reform drug addicts by making them criminals, you don't reform people's eating habits by insulting them. Not only does shaming not work, it might actually make things worse because it makes people feel bad about themselves, which drives them even more toward the comfort of their vice.
In general, anytime anybody justifies shaming by claiming it is "tough love" and that they are reforming unhealthy behavioral, you can pretty much call BS. It seems to me shaming is usually not even about the shamee it is all about the shamer. They are projecting their own insecurities -- or, in the case of "Dear Fat People," they are trying and failing, to be funny.
OK, time for me to go. I gotta go for a run. I got a few pounds to shed.
Until next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment