Entry 17: Four Jags (Part 2)

Jag 3

Overall, I like the gym I’ve been going to here in Newcastle, but I have two gripes, sub-jags, if you will, that constitute one larger gym-based jag. First, there are too many dudes at the gym in “tank tops”. I use parentheses because they aren’t normal tank tops. They are those super deeply cut tank tops that look sort of like thong underwear that’s being worn as shirts. Normal tank tops must be too encumbering. It’s not enough to have a shirt with no sleeves and no neckline, you apparently need one that also reveals your nipples every time you shift your weight. It’s always the same type of guy wearing it too: late-30s/early 40s, super buff (like supplement-taking buff), super tan, covered in tats, spiky gelled hair, often a little soul patch beard, and occasionally a few piercings. Please, put on a real shirt. Everybody knows you’re ripped. We are all very impressed, but we would be more impressed if your massive, 90%-uncovered back wasn’t a foot from our faces, slathering sweat all over the machine we were going to use after you, but now probably aren't.



Second, people too often unnecessarily take the locker right next to me. This happens at all gyms and it is incredibly annoying. If you are going to use a locker here’s what you do. You come in, quickly scan the locker room for the lockers that are already locked, and then you pick the locker that’s furthest from those. Now, I understand that this isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s busy and there are few open spots, but most of the time you can do a decent job. You can usually at least avoid the lockers between two that are already locked or directly above or below one that is already locked. It bothers me to no end when I finish working out and some guy is using an adjacent locker to mine when the rest of the locker room is free. See this pad lock on the locker next to yours? I know it was here when you came in, because your locker was empty when I put it on. Now see all those empty lockers over there? If you would’ve used one of those then I wouldn’t have to bother you while you’re in your underpants, so that I can get my stuff and drag it to where the empty lockers are and change in peace.

Jag 4
The other day I was riding the bus, reading, minding my own business like I usually do. This middle-aged woman got on with a 20-something year-old guy, and they sat directly across the aisle from me. The woman looked a little haggard, but nothing out of the ordinary. The guy looked completely normal. I figured it was a mom and son from a blue collar-ish family.

They are chatting a bit, I’m not really paying much attention to them, when the woman calls out, “Does anybody have a plastic bag?” Nobody said anything, I don’t think anything of it, and we keep on going. About ten minutes later she calls out again, “Does anybody on the bus have a plastic bag?” Some girl does and she gives the lady the bag. The woman then opens the bag and pukes into it. A beat goes by and then she does it again, no warning, no excuse me, no I-think-I'm-gonna-be-sick. Just a straight double douse of vomit. I was shocked. I quickly looked away. I could avert my eyes, but not my nose. She was about two feet from me, and the smell hit me almost instantly. It was absolutely disgusting. I had to stifle dry heaves. I heard another woman in our vicinity gasp in horror. I was repulsed to the point of nearly being traumatized. I got up and stood as far away from her as I could. I glanced back a few times and the woman was just carrying on like nothing had happened. When I got off I saw the guy throwing the puke bag away.

Maybe the woman is seriously sick, and if that’s the case I feel bad for her, but it’s still completely out of order to vomit on the bus. Am I wrong? It wasn’t something out of her control. She obviously could feel it coming on, because she asked for the bag. Five minutes went by. The bus made several stops. Is it too much to ask for her to step off the bus? I don’t think so. There is another one coming soon. I think she can sacrifice twenty minutes of her time in order to not subject a bus-ful of people to her vile regurgitation.



I actually saw this woman again on the bus yesterday. This time without incident, thankfully. When I saw her I actually felt an inadvertent tinge of repulsion. It’s the same sensation I get when I see a dead animal on the side of the road. I can only hope I never get to a point in life where my presence literally conjures up road kill to one’s mind.