Entry 19: Another One Rides the Bus

S is back now, which is good. (I always know when she is back because my stuff is never where I leave it, and my various electronic wires are always wound around themselves and stored somewhere neatly. I had to ask S not to do this, because when I unwind the wire it has a tendency to twist itself into a spiral and it’s incredibly irritating to use, especially if it’s for headphones.) I’m back into my regular routine: wake up, get some breakfast and coffee, take the bus to work, work, have lunch, look at fantasy baseball stats, work some more, take the bus to the gym, workout, walk home, have some dinner, do a leisure activity, go to sleep. On Thursdays, we usually go out to eat. On the weekends, we might get wild and have a few glasses of wine and look for a movie to stream online. By the way, Hollywood has a great piracy deterrent – make really crappy movies. Date Night, The A-Team, The Karate Kid, Knight and Day, The Killers, don’t worry I’m not stealing any of those. I don’t understand how these movies make any money. You would literally have to pay me to watch one of them.

Anyway, I’ve been riding the bus long enough that I’ve got my technique down pat. I get on fairly early in the route, so I usually have my pick of seats. First, I always sit near the back. Overweight people are much less likely to make it to the back (especially since there a few steps to navigate), so if I end up sharing a seat with somebody I probably won’t be squashed. Second, I always sit on the west side of the bus to avoid the morning sun shining in my face. Third, I usually try to avoid the seats above the wheels for legroom purposes. One thing I won’t do is put my bag next to me to dissuaded people from sitting there. Society can’t function if people have this type of mentality.

On the bus, I see the same people over and over. I’ve never talked to any of them of course, but I recognize them. There is a group of three guys about 16 that are always going on about Family Guy or South Park or something like that. A typical overheard bit of conversation is something like this [said very quickly while giggling]: “Then he says, ‘There’s a bear in my cereal!’ and there is a bear in his cereal, but you thought it would be poison or something, but it’s a bear, and then she runs off with the bear, and they are in a hotel on the bed and she says to the bear, ‘I wanna go out. You never take me out anymore.’ and he says ‘I just killed somebody today, I’m tired. You know, this is gonna be a really long trip Suzy if you don’t cut the crap!’, so she looks all sad and then the bear pokes her with his toe and says, ‘Love you.’” Then they all crack up in unison. The funniest part to me is that I always know exactly what they are referring to.

There are also some schoolgirls that ride the bus who are a few years younger than the boys. I use the term “schoolgirls”, because that’s what they look like. The traditional plaid skirt and polo shirt uniform is quite prevalent here. There is one girl who is taller and prettier than the others and you can tell that she’s the unquestioned leader of the group. She thinks she is so cool.

There is a man, who I’ve only seen on a handful of occasions, who is always wearing a scarf on his head. I have no idea why. At first I thought it was because it was cold or raining, but I’ve seen him several times on warm, clear days. Then I thought maybe it’s a religious thing, but I don’t know of any religion in which men wear head scarves. Plus, it doesn’t look like anything religious. It looks like he bought a checker board-pattern scarf at Macy’s and every morning he wraps it around his head and ties a knot under his chin before leaving the house. It’s very strange.

There is this other guy who, although I’ve never met him before, annoys me to no end. His style gets under my nerves. He looks to be in his late-40s, early 50s. He has salt and pepper hair that is cropped short except for a thin, long braid that ends just below his nape. (It sorta looks like he is always wearing a coonskin hat.) He has a touch-of-gray goatee and two hoop earrings in his left ear. He is always wearing black heeled boots, black jeans, and a black denim jacket. He sits cross-legged in the front of the bus. I find the way he carries himself very pretentious. I have never talked to this man and still he bothers me. By the way, I realize this is a terrible attitude to have. People say first impressions are important, but in my experience they are also extremely inaccurate. There have been many people who, like this man, I was initially put off by who ended up being really cool once I actually got to know them. Plus, people have told me their first impressions of me and I have heard things, on more than one occasion, like the following: very serious, shy, republican, and frat boy meathead, none of which are even remotely close to describing me (I hope). I guess the moral is don't go by first impressions. Even though this man seems like a colossal tool to me, I would keep an open mind, if for some reason we were to ever have an interaction beyond me mentally mocking him from afar.

OK, time to end this entry. S wants to watch an episode of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” (we are starting season two, I’m still lukewarm on it) then we are going to a barbecue. The couple who’s hosting it is apparently slow roasting pork as I write. It’s a bad time to be a vegetarian – sorry S.

(Here's a link to a live performance of "Weird" Al doing Another One Rides the Bus. Do you think Weird Al can get women? I mean he's a famous musician and all, but still.)